it isn’t your fault that she died. I’m sorry for your loss i know what it is to lose someone. but there isn’t anything you could do about it. maybe it has create consequences that has improved your life some way or another and you may have not realized it yet.

i have heard a saying that what ever happens, happens for the best. we sometimes dont realize the cause or effect things have on our lives. maybe it made you a sensitive person or maybe it made you more humble and caring, I’m just guessing but there is always another side of the story, always a reason things occur, maybe even god isn’t answerable for his children’s actions but have faith brother. god has a plan for everyone.

Second, I have to admit that when I wrote this post, I was thinking more of emotional hurt. I just went back and read it, and saw that I did mention physical injury (including death), but I don’t remember anything around that time in my life that would have made me really be referring to an accident. If I could go back and change things so that someone I knew and loved didn’t die, I might very well do so. If I could keep the memory of what it was like without them, it would be even better. It would make me appreciate them even more.

I would like to say that for the most part I am a positive person. I admit that this is often hard to do. But I do believe that even at the worst of times, there are small blessings to be found. My father-in-law passed away a little over a month ago. While his passing has caused many difficulties and much grieving in our family, there were a few blessings to be found amongst the sadness. His employer was willing to pay for the funeral since he passed suddenly while at work. I was also able to return some expensive computer equipment that he had purchased just a few days before without any hassles from the company. I was also able to help my mother-in-law by speaking with someone from an organ donation service. Being able to do these things not only helped me to grieve, but it also helped those who were still living. I know that he would be very glad that I and my husband were able to help my mother-in-law. He loved her very much and would be happy knowing that she wasn’t completely alone after he was gone.

Would I go back and stop him from dying? Maybe. It would make some things in life easier, but on the other hand his passing did help me to find strength in myself to help others and to help me really realize how much I matter to others. However, most of these thoughts are coming from the perspective of a month and a half. While I’m still not very far away from his passing, I do have the perspective of a little bit of time. I don’t know if I could have seen all the good points during the week after his death.

I hope that either now, or in a few weeks time, you will be able to find a few blessings out of the grief over your friend. It would be arrogant and unfeeling of me to offer a platitude about “be thankful for the time you did have with her.” Sure, you have that, but I understand how little comfort it is right now. Will you be able to see anything that “improves” your life due to her passing? Maybe someday, or maybe not. I hope that you will, because it will soften the blow at least a little bit. But if it doesn’t feel like that right now, ignore anyone who says so. Everyone grieves in their own way, and no one has the right to make you think that your feelings are wrong.