This morning I finished reading a kick butt novel: Wired by Liz Maverick.
The main character, Roxy, was caught between two time agents who were jumping her between alternate time lines. Once she realized what was going on, she stole the time switching device from one of them and took charge of which time line she was on. Although this was obviously fiction, it made me think. Would I really want to change my past if I could?
Why Would We Want To?
If we had a device that allowed us to choose a different reality, a different time line where things had a different outcome, what would we change?
1. Avoid getting hurt. There were many times in the past when I wish I had reacted differently to someone. I distinctly remember standing up to my ex-boyfriend one night when he was being arrogantly inconsiderate. However, it wasn’t the first time he’d done it by far. What if I had stood up to him sooner? What if I had broken off our relationship a year sooner than it officially ended?
We each have instances in our past where we can say, “if only I had…” Times when we set ourselves up for heartache but didn’t realize until later. Words said to us by others that we didn’t stand up to but still wish we had. Terrible physical injury we know could have been avoided, “if only…” If we could change our past, fixing these hurts would probably be the first ones we went for.
2. Avoid someone else getting hurt. How would my life be different if I could go back and stop abuse an old friend of mine received? Would she still have turned out so messed up? What if I could go back in time and somehow stop two of my best friends from splitting from each other? Would they be happier now?
I hate to watch my friends and family hurt. I’m sure I’m not the only one. What if we could go back in time and give a warning, or arrive a little bit sooner to stop a fight? What if we could change the past? Wouldn’t you do it to help a friend?
3. Change the course of events. What if I could go back in time and fix the problems with the Florida voting process before the general election of 2000? What if Albert Gore had received the votes he should have? Would we still have as good an understanding of the severity of global warming? Would the economy be better, the war in Iraq never have happened?
And these are the big events. Elections, wars. What if we could change the course of science to discover a cure for cancer? What if we could stop a serial killer? Would these changes be ones we would make?
Why Wouldn’t We Want To?
If we could change the past, there would be consequences. Things would be different the way we wanted, but what things would change we hadn’t anticipated?
1. We learned from the past. Every time we fail, we know not to do that again. Every time we do something the right way, we know how to do it again. We know we are capable of achievement. But, if we changed the past, we may lose that knowledge. From the moment we changed forward, our reality would be rewritten. What lessons would we not learn?
2. Our experiences shaped our personalities and who we are. In the book, Roxy had time lines where she was agoraphobic because she had been shot – she answered the door instead of the phone. She had other time lines where she worked in an office with high level security – she answered the phone instead of the door. In each time line, the events of the past determined how she faced the world, really who she was.
Like Roxy, we can choose the way we want to be, but that choice only comes from examining who we already are. Everything we remember from our past is part of who we are and how we approach life. If we changed part of the past, would the ripples forward undo parts of our personality we actually wanted to keep?
3. We will affect others as well. No one lives in a bubble. Every day we affect other people. Our very existence affects other people. If we changed us, we would change them as well.
Roxy has time lines where her best friend exists and is still her friend. She also has time lines where her best friend disappeared out of her life forever. On one time line, the manager of the 7-11 down the street had a daughter. After a jump to another time line, the daughter didn’t exist. The change was primarily to her life, but the ripples outward affected many others. If we too could change the past, who might we erase from our lives by accident?
Given That We Can’t, How Do We Fix The Wrongs Of The Past?
Obviously, we can’t change the past. We must live with those events and how they shaped us and those around us. But still, we wish some days that we did have the power, despite the risks. Some days, the pain is so hard to bear, we would jump time lines in a heartbeat. When we come up for air again, we know we must move forward. Do we just take it day to day, or is there something we can do to change the future, if not the past?
1. Self acceptance. We can strive for complete self acceptance. This is something I’m currently struggling with. I’ve spent time examining my past and the messages I’ve grown to believe. I’ve been able to forgive myself for some mistakes. Others I still struggle with. I’ve identified some core messages that hold me back and practiced affirmations to replace them with positive messages. All of these things move me closer to full acceptace of the past and getting the full outcome I want from the future.
2. Taking action toward our dreams instead of just wishing. I know I’m not the only one who has dreams they pushed aside in favor of living a different life. Some of these dreams may truly have passed the point of possibility. However, I’m willing to bet that most of them could be lived, at least in one form, in our lives right now. It’s not an easy process, but I believe that taking action, even if only baby steps, is worth all the effort.
3. Reaching out to others. We are not alone. As I mentioned above, everything we do affects someone else is some way, however minor. Sometimes, the way forward is to reach out to others for help and support. There are times this will backfire, but we always have the option of seeking out others. Sometimes when we feel most alone, we come to realize that others feel the same way. They have had experiences almost just like ours and understand what it is like. Knowing we aren’t really alone can be a tremendous help.
While I’m scared of the future and how I may change even more, I know that I can control that future. I know that my life is pretty good, except for not having a job. No need to hit reset, merely fix one part. That realization is very comforting and satisfying.
Whether or not you choose to read Wired, I hope you think about these ideas. We can’t change the past, but we can learn from it and use it as a foundation for the future. Please leave me your thoughts and comments below.
I guess what I’d like to change is the suicidally idiotic way that our societies are organised at the moment.
I think this is more about changing the future than the past. I’m not sure what changes in the past I would make to bring about the big changes that I want. The personal scale ones are easier – and have all the problems you’ve listed.
Thanks for the post – it has made me think more about creating the future.
I’m still working on the creating the future part. Unfortunately, I’ve been stuck in remembering the past for a day or so. Time is a funny thing. Before you know it, it’s gone. But, regrets don’t change anything. However, they do guide our actions in the future. At least that’s what I’m counting on!
Looking back, I realize the choices I made were pretty much up to me: go to college or not, where to work afterwards, who to marry or not, when to start a family, to agree to a divorce or not, where and when to travel, and now what to do after retirement.
Whenever I came to a fork in a road, the decision was always mine to make.
My parents taught me to be independent, and I have done my best to teach my own children the same. We are always here for each other, but in the end it is ourselves we count on, blame, and gratify.
So, I DID have the chance to “change” things, and I accept the choices I made.
I would want to change one thing. I was mad at my wife and didn’t pick her up from work one day. She was having drinks with friends after work and was killed by a hit and run driver. Yes I learned, but it wasn’t worth her loosing her life and the lifetime of guilt I will have.
/quote I would want to change one thing. I was mad at my wife and didn’t pick her up from work one day. She was having drinks with friends after work and was killed by a hit and run driver. Yes I learned, but it wasn’t worth her loosing her life and the lifetime of guilt I will have /endquote
it isn’t your fault that she died. I’m sorry for your loss i know what it is to lose someone. but there isn’t anything you could do about it. maybe it has create consequences that has improved your life some way or another and you may have not realized it yet.
i have heard a saying that what ever happens, happens for the best. we sometimes dont realize the cause or effect things have on our lives. maybe it made you a sensitive person or maybe it made you more humble and caring, I’m just guessing but there is always another side of the story, always a reason things occur, maybe even god isn’t answerable for his children’s actions but have faith brother. god has a plan for everyone.
If I can change my past I would want to do my homework when I was younger and graduate High school early. I was two years behind High School. And also try to not get bullied badly by bullies.
im a filipina from the country of philippines and all i wanted is to accept everything right now. that’s all….
On Saturday night, one of my best friends was over at my house, just like every Saturday night. But this time when she left, her car was T-boned by a stupid drunk 18 year old kid and… she didn’t make it. If I could go back in time right now just to talk to her for one more minute, so she wouldn’t have been in that jerk’s path… I would give anything to be able to do that. I can’t seem to see anything positive that has come from her loss, she was the kindest, most cheerful person I know, and she improved the lives of everyone around her.
Amber,
First, let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard things must be for you right now. Here’s sending sympathy thoughts to you.
Second, I have to admit that when I wrote this post, I was thinking more of emotional hurt. I just went back and read it, and saw that I did mention physical injury (including death), but I don’t remember anything around that time in my life that would have made me really be referring to an accident. If I could go back and change things so that someone I knew and loved didn’t die, I might very well do so. If I could keep the memory of what it was like without them, it would be even better. It would make me appreciate them even more.
I would like to say that for the most part I am a positive person. I admit that this is often hard to do. But I do believe that even at the worst of times, there are small blessings to be found. My father-in-law passed away a little over a month ago. While his passing has caused many difficulties and much grieving in our family, there were a few blessings to be found amongst the sadness. His employer was willing to pay for the funeral since he passed suddenly while at work. I was also able to return some expensive computer equipment that he had purchased just a few days before without any hassles from the company. I was also able to help my mother-in-law by speaking with someone from an organ donation service. Being able to do these things not only helped me to grieve, but it also helped those who were still living. I know that he would be very glad that I and my husband were able to help my mother-in-law. He loved her very much and would be happy knowing that she wasn’t completely alone after he was gone.
Would I go back and stop him from dying? Maybe. It would make some things in life easier, but on the other hand his passing did help me to find strength in myself to help others and to help me really realize how much I matter to others. However, most of these thoughts are coming from the perspective of a month and a half. While I’m still not very far away from his passing, I do have the perspective of a little bit of time. I don’t know if I could have seen all the good points during the week after his death.
I hope that either now, or in a few weeks time, you will be able to find a few blessings out of the grief over your friend. It would be arrogant and unfeeling of me to offer a platitude about “be thankful for the time you did have with her.” Sure, you have that, but I understand how little comfort it is right now. Will you be able to see anything that “improves” your life due to her passing? Maybe someday, or maybe not. I hope that you will, because it will soften the blow at least a little bit. But if it doesn’t feel like that right now, ignore anyone who says so. Everyone grieves in their own way, and no one has the right to make you think that your feelings are wrong.
i read you post and am highly motivated by it.
all this time i thought if i could go into the past and change something( thats how i stumbled upon this page-Google) for the better, it would change my timeline and make me something what i am not today.
all the people Ive lost, all the mistakes Ive made, all the lessons Ive learnt, and all the things Ive done.
but if i go back and change things. and for the better of course, will i be a better person in that timeline ? will i be more helpful or more understanding or more than what i am today ? if that is the case wouldn’t it be worth changing he past ?
Yeah i want to change things i had an unessasary cosmetic procedure in 1998 that lefte a nasty scar, i regret this more than anything else i have ever done, i didnt need this doing and the dr that did it has been struck off for botching another procedure, ive closed my eyes so tight trying to stop myself doing this but you cant change the past, i know my problem pales in comparison to some other peoples problems, but they are my problems so i can on focus on them. I do feel bad for other people but i cant help being upset about this. So if i could change it, i would, only that though, i dont want the tapestry of my life to be unwound in the process of changing this one massive mistake.