Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

Over the past few days, I have examined fantasies, both daydreams and sexual fantasies. I’ve explored the surface meanings and dug deeper to show how they are like a window to the subconscious and a way to get in touch with our authentic selves. Clearly, both daydreams and sexual fantasies are rich in meaning. What appears on the surface to be shallow has a depth that we often don’t even realize.

Fantasies Give Us Creative Control

Several times throughout the examination of fantasies, the element of control has come up. We get to control the events in the fantasy and in turn we can control the way our “dream life” plays out. They give us a chance to be creative, even if we can’t express that in reality. There are no limits to what we can accomplish in fantasy. The bigger the dream, the better the fantasy. We get to explore multiple options and ideas of how to reach our goals. This creativity sets us free to craft a plan without making a mistake that would most likely be costly to undo.

Many times in the real world, we are too pressured for time to work through problems throughly. We may look at a few options, but not throughly consider the outcomes. Taking advantage of the full depth of your creativity in your fantasies and daydreams actually makes it easier to carry ideas into your day to day activities.

Fantasies Open Our Minds To Possibilities

Without a doubt, fantasies make us feel good. Not only do they make us feel good, but they allow us to extend that feeling into all areas of our life. In fantasy, we get to connect all the dots and make everything work, not just a little part.

Feeling good then puts us in emotional balance. We can feel deeply and are just more content. This may not last for long, but it’s a great feeling when it does arrive. The more we feel the upsides, the easier it is to get through the downsides.

In turn emotional balance helps us feel hope that things will turn out well. Hope is a wonderful feeling. It’s the underlying feeling of motivation. It’s the power the drives us to do and not just plan. Hope will keep us moving even if the goal feels far away.

As the first step, fantasies are great for lifting us up.

The important next step when we feel that hope, is to set goals. Having goals, written out, means we are more likely to follow through on what we really want. Otherwise, we run the risk of sinking back into despair of the realities of “real life.”

Fantasies matter because they are more than just a pleasant way to pass the time. As I’ve shown throughout this series, dreams, daydreams, and sexual fantasies have possibilities hanging out beneath the surface. Tapping into those deeper meanings can be a powerful tool in our mental goal setting toolbox.

You may choose to simply enjoy your daydreams and sexual fantasies. Or, you may choose to examine them for clarity into what you really want. Either way, I hope your dreams come true and your goals are met.

If you have any comments, questions, or thoughts on this part or other parts in this series, please leave them for me below.

Photo Credits: Deep End by divinemisscopa; Ski Lift by Joe Shlabotnik

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

Yesterday, in Part 2, I discussed daydreams in light of how they can help us define our goals and pick out what we really want in life. Today, in Part 3, I want to discuss sexual fantasies in the same way, showing that they can be about so much more than simple pleasure.

Obviously, the first meaning that occurs to us about sexual fantasies is that we want a better sex life. However, there are sex fantasies that bear no resemblance to the way we wish our sex lives were – we firmly wish them to stay just fantasies. So, do we just choose these fantasies because they feel good? I believe that is an important element; however, there is a more important question: Why do they feel good? Because they aren’t just about sex – that’s just the overt message of the fantasy.

All creatures, humans not excepted, are sexual. Although society doesn’t talk about sex and sexuality very openly, it’s a primal part of who we are. Therefore, any desires that are not sexual, yet can be seen in our sexual fantasies, are very deep in our psyche and very much a part of our authentic self. I hope by examining the following common sexual fantasies, you understand why I believe this.

The Rape Fantasy

Anyone who has this fantasy will tell you that it’s not about being raped at all; it’s so commonly known that even the media will say so. Rape isn’t about sex at all. Rape is about domination, humiliation and violence. However, rape fantasies can be about desires that are very empowering.

1. Control over even the bad aspects of life. We all know that crap happens in life that we have no control over. Sure, we can control our reactions, but we don’t have control over whether it occurs in the first place. However, everything in a fantasy is controlled by the one imagining it. While the domination part of the fantasy may be arousing, the aspect of control is much more appealing. Also, because of this control aspect, in a fantasy the “attacked” can say no and it stops.

I’m sure a psychologist could take this even deeper and say that the one having the fantasy is projecting all their emotional baggage onto the perpetrator in the imagined scenario; however, that feels to be to be a bit of a stretch. After all, since it is a fantasy, the one imagining wouldn’t choose a partner whom they can’t stand in real life. Rather, they pick someone they like in real life, maybe even someone who “doesn’t know they exist.” This would be appealing because then they get to be…

2. Center of sexual attention. There is no doubt that the forceful domination in the fantasy makes the one having it the center of attention. It’s all about them and what is happening to them. In real life, many people feel that they aren’t being paid attention to. This doesn’t have to be in a sexual way, but that can be the most obvious. Having a fantasy where you are the center of attention allows you to have what you don’t have in real life.

Going a little deeper, when we’re not paid attention to, we get the message that we don’t matter. Especially in a sexual relationship, feeling like you matter is very important. If that element is lacking in real life, it’s very likely to show up in fantasy life.

3. Being able to express our primal, “impolite” and “improper” side. As I mentioned above, sex isn’t talked about openly in society. I wish this wasn’t so, but unfortunately, it is. While advertisers know that “sex sells,” they are the only ones really allowing sexuality free expression.

However, since our sexuality is such a part of us, we get very mixed messages about what is proper. Is it Okay to be sexual? Will we be looked down upon if we discuss sex?

There’s none of this debate in fantasy. Fantasy is as free to express sexuality as a person can get. The only limits are those of the individual. Since fantasies stay in our head, there’s no one to judge them, no one to tell us that we are being a “tramp” or worse. And, since a domination fantasy such as rape is beyond “vanilla sex”, it’s all the more appealing.

As you can see, although a rape fantasy may appear extreme and even unhealthy on the surface, it really masks much more empowering desires.

Center of Attention

This is a label I’m giving to a fantasy where the person is the one everyone approaches at the bar, or at a dance club. While this fantasy is sexual in nature, it may not actually involve sex itself. Also, as a woman, I can’t tell you if guys have this fantasy or not. I can only vouch for myself.

1. Being attractive. As someone who was teased as a child, being able to go into a crowded bar or dance club and be approached by lots of men is very appealing.

There is a strong allure to being seen as highly attractive, by not just one, but many potential partners. Of course, given this is a fantasy, all are attractive, but even if there are other beautiful people in the room that could be chosen, they are all ignored.

2. The ability to be charming, funny, and coy. In real life, if I was approached by an attractive man, aside from being polite about letting him know I’m married, I would be stumbling over my words and probably feel like I was embarrassing myself.

In fantasy, all of this goes away. All our jokes are funny, all our innuendos have the desired effect. We can even rewind the film of the fantasy and reword what we say if we think of a better way to phrase it. Our smiles and our body language just pull our potential partners closer. There is no need to fear being laughed at or ridiculed – no matter what, we will be admired.

3. Get to show off skills we may or may not have in real life. We get to be a pool shark, or a great poker player. We get to be good at darts, great and dancing, or know exactly which wine to pick.

I can sink a few pool balls, can play Texas Hold ‘Em for a hand or two, probably hit the dart board, walk onto the dance floor but not much else, and don’t really know the difference between a white and a blush. However, that’s in real life. In fantasy, I get to be good at all those things I only wish I was good at in real life. Added to the other points above, I don’t just get to do this alone in a pool hall, but to a chorus of cheers.

The main purpose of sexual fantasies is of course the sexual excitement. But, if others are like me, we tend to have our “favorites.” Whatever that favorite may be, it’s the one that appeals to us over and over. I believe that can’t be just because we know it works sexually.

I believe this is also because, even though we often aren’t aware of it, these fantasies have underlying elements that appeal to us just as much. These elements empower us in ways that we usually don’t have the chance to be in real life. Since empowerment is an important ingredient in getting what we most want in life, it can be very telling to examine our sexual fantasies.

Tomorrow is the last post in this series where I tie all the points I made together. I hope you have enjoyed this series so far, and I hope you’ll come back tomorrow for the final part.

If you have any thoughts or comments on this or any of the other two parts, please leave them below.

Photo Credits: Leopards by rodrigo senna; Black and White Glamor Photo by Lampeduza; Flirting by russelljsmith

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

Yesterday, I wrote about how daydreams and fantasies can point to what we really want in life. In Part 2, I want to discuss daydreams in particular.
We all have daydreams – fantasies played out while we are awake. These can take many forms – maybe we are wistful thinking about stepping outside and enjoying the sunlight. Maybe we play out a complex scenario that makes our life “perfect” or at least as close to it as humanly possible.

While it’s obvious that these daydreams show us a better life, one we would like to have, I believe that these daydreams are usually deeper, showing us more fundamental desires that we may not be aware of.

The Corner Office

Whenever I think about getting high up in a traditional business (i.e., not a web/online based one), I like to dream about a corner office. This office would have almost as much space as my two bedroom apartment. I picture being fairly high in a building and having large windows. I would have a contemporary glass desk, a really comfortable office chair, the latest computer with an LCD screen, and a sitting area.

While this daydream clearly shows a better life with more advanced furniture and electronics that I don’t currently have, this fantasy also points to a few more subtle ideas.

1. Recognition. No one gets to the corner office unless they are really high up in a company. The daydream, while possibly different from real life, has me as a respected member of the company. I regularly have visitors and I have an open door policy for all employees.

Having a corner office means you haven’t been held back by anything that could be considered negative (a fault) or something prejudiced against (race, religion, gender, sexual orientation.) For me, this means that I haven’t been overlooked because I’m a woman.

It also shows that we are recognized for our hard work and dedication to the company. We have respect we may very well not have in real life.

2. Financial Security. Those who have corner offices are not poor. They are generally able to afford whatever they want, even if they don’t want a mansion, sports car, or private school for their children.

In real life, executives with corner offices are often overworked, rarely see their families, and many have tremendous debt.

However, in a fantasy such as this, none of those downsides exist. We are free to jet off to the Caribbean if we want to. We no longer count money as one of our top concerns.

3. Supporting a cause we believe in. While in real life, we may stay with a company that isn’t completely in line with our goals, this is not the case in fantasy. In fantasy, our hard work, dedication, and perseverance is for a cause we truly believe in. The corner office is just the icing on the cake.

The Perfect Relationship

While I personally have a relationship that is about as “perfect” as I believe is possible, that hasn’t always been the case. The relationship I had with my ex-boyfriend had a lot of problems (after all, if it was great, I would have married him!)

Fantasies that our relationship was much better didn’t just include being happy and having the same goals. They also included other important aspects.

1. Unconditional love. Unfortunately, adult love is conditional. However, it’s possible to get really, really close to unconditional love. An unconditional love would be with someone who loves us no matter how much we make mistakes. They would tell us if we needed feedback, but they would judge our actions, not us personally. They wouldn’t belittle us or hurt us.

Obviously, this is a tall order. However, I believe that my frequent wishing and daydreaming about how my relationship could be better showed me clearly what I didn’t have then. Then, when I met and fell in love with John, who later became my husband, I was able to truly understand the power of this in my life.

2. Free from any worries about trust. A perfect relationship is one where we don’t fear letting the other person see the “real” us. We know that they won’t betray a confidence, and they will hold us when we are upset.

Trust is difficult to have in many situations. I’m sure I’m not alone in having had my trust violated in the past, in both romantic relationships and friendships.

When I fantasied about the perfect relationship, I didn’t realize that this was an underlying concern. However, the thoughts of telling my deepest secrets and wishes for the future without being laughed at show that I wished for this in my relationship.

3. Solid support. The desire to be able to share my dreams with my romantic partner and fearing to do so in real life shows that my fantasies about a perfect relationship meant I wanted support.

Unasked for advice and criticism will send many of us to a daydream where the other person claps as we get a degree or lose a few pounds. No matter what we choose to aim for, we know the other person will always be there.

The desire for this kind of backing often shows up in our fantasies, even if we don’t consciously realize it.

These two common daydreams are quite fun to engage in. While our real life may be nothing like a daydream, a daydream provides a pleasant escape. Many times, we may not even be aware of why the daydream is so pleasant. However, if we look a little deeper, we can see that daydreams show us we really want. And, when we know it, we have a much better chance of working to actually get it.

Tomorrow, I’ll look at other common fantasies – sexual fantasies. I suspect these types of fantasies are evaluated even less than daydreams. While daydreams can be pretty easy to figure out, many sexual fantasies don’t get examined any closer than “that’s just what I like.” But, I’m willing to take a chance and “crack the lid” to point out what they might really be showing us.

Please leave me your thoughts and comments on this post, or any posts in the series below.

Photo Credits: Clouds and Sun by abkfenris; Jet Plane by Cubbie_n_Vegas; Key and Heart by aussiegall

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

The first step in any self improvement effort is to get clear about what you really want. While you may be able to start with only the outline of the end goal, you will soon have to set a firm goal. No matter what you are trying to accomplish, you need to know what you are shooting for. Then, even after you have defined your goals and are very clear about what you want, you aren’t completely done. You must still review them periodically to gauge your progress and confirm that you still want to work toward those specific goals.

But, what if you don’t know what you really want? How can you set goals that are clear and specific if your wishes for the future are a bit vague or fuzzy? One of the ways, and maybe the way that’s the most fun, is to examine your dreams and fantasies. I believe that they both point to our true desires – those things we really want in life.

Dreams

The other night, I had a dream, that like many dreams, was odd. However it was also telling. In this dream, I was moving around talking to people, but I was confident and secure. When I woke up, I realized that in the dream I was acting like I want to act, rather than how I usually act. I realized that it was my inner “kick ass chick” who was moving me around in the dream, rather than my inner “proper and polite” one.

I also realized that while daydreams and fantasies will point to what we really want in life, our “night” dreams hold important clues too. These clues are often harder to tease out, and you may not even be able to do so if you don’t remember your dreams upon awakening. However, if you do remember your dreams, I believe examining them can be a good tool to add to your toolbox of techniques for goal setting.

There are dozens of books (probably more) that talk about dream symbolism and interpreting your dreams. These are of value to many, but I’m not one of them. I find that looking for meaning behind “symbols” in my dream is tough and doesn’t really help.

On the other hand, looking at the events and attitudes (yours and others’) in the dream is a lot more useful. In general my dreams, no matter how weird, fall into 2 categories:

1. What I’ve been anxious about. This kind of dream leaves me feeling like I really didn’t sleep and wakes me up several times during the night.

I dream this way before a job interview, a meeting with an old friend, or going on a vacation. This is more of an anticipation mixed with nervousness dream. The more I’m looking forward to the event, the more likely I am to have this kind of dream.

Usually, this kind of dream doesn’t surprise me. After all, I know the event is coming up and I know whether I want to go or not. However, sometimes the events in the dream really point out to me something I wasn’t admitting.

For instance, I had a series of dreams before my last job interview in insurance. I knew I didn’t want to continue in insurance, but I really needed the job and I was willing to put aside my reservations to take a job since nothing else was looking promising. However, my dreams were full of twists and turns and a few of them bordered on nightmares. When I woke I talked to my husband about them and the job interview in general. After that conversation, I knew that even if they offered me the job, I wouldn’t take it. I went to the interview anyway, but before they had a chance to make their decision, I told the recruiter I couldn’t take the job.

2. A spring cleaning of my subconscious mind. This kind of dream is the weirdest of all. In this kind of dream, all kinds of little bits and pieces are put together in a disjointed whole that makes absolutely no sense when reviewed later. However, I can look at the dream and see how the various elements related to the thoughts I’d had over the past few days.

Unless I’ve been thinking about something a lot, like when I was reading the newest Harry Potter book, after the dream, I don’t think about those things anymore. That’s why I call these dreams spring cleaning. I find that they put to rest a lot of worries I’ve been having.

For instance, when I was helping to clean up the apartment I’m going to be moving into, I was overwhelmed by the amount of work that needed to be done. Whenever I talked about it to someone, I couldn’t stop thinking that it looked never-ending. Then, one night I had a dream about the apartment. As it turns out, I didn’t end up going back after that to work, but I also stopped thinking about it. I was at peace with how much work it was, and for the first time, I stopped worrying about whether it would be done in time.

These two types of dreams both settled anxiety, and they also showed me what I really wanted. In the first instance, it made it clear to me that I didn’t want to pursue a job in insurance, and in fact I wouldn’t even take a job if offered. In the second instance, it pointed out how I didn’t want to worry about something anymore. I brought to conscious awareness what I already knew deep down – that there really wasn’t a reason to worry, it would all work out.

Fantasies

Fantasies, on the other hand, are a lot easier to explain as showing us what we really want. Whether daydreams or sexual fantasies, they point to a better life that we don’t have in reality.

1. Fantasies allow us to control events. It wouldn’t be a very good fantasy if we didn’t make events go exactly the way we want them to. We get to be cool and confident. We have a great job, a great relationship, or any other situation that would make us happy (or happier.) We get to control all our thoughts and make them what we really want to think about.

If you follow the Law of Attraction, which says that like thoughts attract like thoughts and “thoughts become things”, fantasizing fits right in with this. Fantasies become visualizations as we focus on exactly what we want and set our intention to attract these things into our life.

Fantasies are literally “our dream life.”

2. Fantasies evoke pleasant feelings. I can’t imagine fantasizing or daydreaming about something that scared me. Perhaps to turn it around and make it go my way, but not usually. After all, they are called day “dreams” and not day “nightmares.” Therefore, we like fantasizing. We are happier in our fantasies and they make us feel good (especially if they are sexual.)

Any time we deliberately boost our mood, we are more likely to carry that mood with us for awhile. When we are in a good mood, feeling happy, or at least pleasant, we are much more likely to be connected to our innermost self, our authenticity.

Our authentic self knows what we really want. Our authentic self also has the motivation to get that for real. I’m sure I’m not the only one who doesn’t spend a lot of my day really motivated to pursue something. Most of the time (although this is getting to be a smaller % of the time), I am very aware of the inner critic listing all the reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t pursue my dreams.

Being able to get in touch with our authentic self, whether through the realizations of dreams we have while asleep, or through our deliberate fantasies, reveals what we really want in life. Because of this, they can be an important self improvement tool. Whether you work with the Law of Attraction deliberately or not, I think you can agree that being in a good mood and pursing our real passions is the best way to live our lives.

Tomorrow, I’ll examine daydreams in more detail, through several examples of daydreams we have probably all had. In addition to connecting us with our authentic selves and giving us a way to visualize desired outcomes, daydreams can show us even more desires lurking under the surface that we probably aren’t even aware of. This deepens the experience even more.

If you have any comments or thoughts on these ideas, I welcome your input below.

Photo Credits: Shapes by SantaRosa OLD SKOOL; Twisted Fabric by PPDIGITAL; Control Key by renatotarga

1. It can tell you my story, but it’s just an example. I strive for honesty and good explanations on this blog. I want everyone who reads my words to be able to picture things as I do. It makes me happy to think that I’m giving someone an “ah ha!” moment with something I say.

I believe that by hearing other’s stories, we feel a lot less alone and are able to face our challenges easier. I don’t pretend to know everything, but I have experienced a lot of challenges, and I hope that my story inspires someone else.

However, my story is just a story. You can read it and then hit the “Stumble!” button, or go to another blog. Simply telling my story isn’t enough to make things change in this world. It’s a good first step, but the next step lies with you.

Now that you’ve seen what I went through, how will you apply that knowledge to your life?

2. It can give you ideas, but they are just my opinion. One of the skills I pride myself on is the ability to look at a lot of information and boil it down to the most important points. I can tie together different systems into a new, personalized way of looking at things. I love to express my ideas and my realizations. I enjoy sharing my “ah ha!” moments with you and explaining how I arrived at a decision.

However, all of my ideas are filtered through my experience. I know that a lot of other people out there have had similar experiences and that my ideas are shared. But, they are still my ideas. I write because I love to write and love to share with others, but you have to filter what I share through your own way of looking at the world. Do you agree with what I say, or do you think I’m full of it? Only you can decide, my opinions can only be a spark to your thinking.

Do you allow your thinking to be sparked? Or, do you just think, “Good point” and move on?

3. It can tell you how, but it might not make sense. All of the techniques I’ve used to heal past hurts or to deal with other people I learned through experience. Some of those experiences were in the school of life. Others of those experiences were through professional psychological training, like Solution Training. Therefore, I strive to do my best to explain how you can repeat my techniques, but my words may not be enough to allow you to do so.

You may have had totally different experiences with the same topic, and so what I describe doesn’t fit at all with your experience. You may do your best to follow my directions and end up confused and maybe even angry at me because I didn’t explain things clearly enough. All of this is normal, and I don’t expect to resonate with everyone. I hope that if one technique doesn’t make sense to you, another will. I also hope I’ve describe every technique well enough to be repeated. However, my descriptions are all meaningless without practice on your part.

So, will you read and move on, or will you give it a go yourself?

4. It can explain explain that every person has a “switch,” but it can’t flip yours for you. Every change that you undertake will either stick or it won’t. Everyone who has had a change stick, no matter what the change, has had a feeling that could be described as “like flipping a switch.” This feeling is a sudden realization, an “ah ha!” moment, or a moment of profound clarity. Cartoons show this as a light bulb over someone’s head. We all understand it, at least in theory.

I’ve had many of these moments myself. After I’ve had them, I do my best to write about them clearly. I’ve looked at my moments over the past few weeks and written posts. I’ve looked back for these moments in years past. I draw upon these as well to write posts. All of these realizations I do my best to put into clear, easy to understand words.

However, even though these moments “flipped the switch” for me, I have no way of making sure they do the same for you. I sincerely hope that something I say on this blog will be a realization for you, or that it will percolate in your brain and lead to a realization later. But, that may not happen. All I can do is share with you all that I know and that I’m learning, explaining as I go along how I’m improving myself.

Will you let the thoughts through to your consciousness to flip the switch?

This Blog Can Be A Start

As you can see, the title This Blog Can’t Help You is tongue in cheek. However, it’s true to a certain extent. This blog can’t do things for you. It may provide a great learning resource, or a place of laughter. It may be inspirational and motivating. I hope it is all these things at one point or another. Even though it may be one of these things to you, it’s only the first step. It starts the self improvement process, or helps push it along, but it is only words on the internet. It isn’t taking action for you.

Photo Credits: Old books by Lin Pernille ♥ Photography; Apple Logo by a_whisper_of_unremitting_demand; Demo by berzowska; Light Switch by ryancboren; Starting Line by zhurnaly

What’s next for you? Did this blog post help you in any way? I would love to hear how your thinking has been changed or challenged, and what your next steps are. Please leave me your comments below.

Photo by neon.love

For the past several days, I’ve been thinking about what it would really take to live my dream life. My dream life includes being a volunteer teacher, but it also includes being healthy – physically healthy, financially healthy, and relationship healthy.

Physical Health

Physical health is the foundation of the other areas. This may be cliche, but it is truth. In order to really do what we want to do, we can’t have our health holding us back. I’m sure everyone can think of someone, either someone they know, or someone they’ve heard about through the media, who has overcome tremendous physical challenges to achieve what we only dream of. And for a lot, if not most of us, our physical challenges aren’t nearly as dire as limb loss, cancer, or lack of one of the five senses.

For me, I’m challenged, like many in the developed world, by excess weight. I’m also challenged by lack of personal fitness and clinical depression. These challenges aren’t impossible to overcome, but they are difficult.

I’m sure everyone has something they want to improve about their physical health. Eating a better array of healthy foods, exercising more regularly, taking vitamins, flossing every day, cutting out caffeine, and decreasing sugar consumption are all steps that may be part of your plan for increased physical health. Again, these things may not be easy, but we all know they are part of living our dream life as a healthy, happy person.

Financial Health

Wouldn’t life be better off if we all won the lottery? I can think of a list of things I would do with even just one million dollars in winnings, let alone hundreds of millions of dollars. But, let’s face it – the chances of this happening are very slim.

So, can we truly be financially healthy? There are people who do it, so it must be possible. Just to be clear, by “financially healthy,” I mean living well with our means, being debt free, and knowing that we can weather a major financial crises, such as loss of a job, or temporary disability.

While there are many tips for reaching financial health, the main ones that I see over and over again are: don’t spend more than you earn, don’t buy on credit, and get out of debt as soon as possible. In addition, financial security may come with having adequate insurance, either in the form provided by an insurance company, or in the form of funds in savings.

As for me, I’m far from financially healthy at the moment. Eventually I want to reach the point where I don’t have to rely on traditional employment for my income, but before I get there I must overcome unemployment and debt.

So, in order to reach a better state of financial health, I must find a job, learn to distinguish wants from needs in order to stop increasing debt, and work to pay off my debt as quickly as possible. For you, financial health may mean increasing your income, decreasing your spending, or both. It may involve soul searching to determine priorities in spending.

In the end, financial health can be approached through the same general ways for all of us, but each situation is individual and must be achieved with regards to your particular circumstances. What works for me will probably work for you, but it may not.

Relationship Health

This term of health may be controversial. Everyone has relationships in their life, if only with themselves. I believe that the quality of these relationships is a major component of living a dream life.

Obviously, not everyone we meet will warrant having any kind of meaningful relationship with. However, if you look at the relationships in your life, can you say that every one that is meaningful is healthy? If so, I would love to have some tips in the comments. However, if, like me, you know that some of your relationships could use work, then you probably see what I mean by they are essential to living a dream life.

I would say, overall, that my relationships are good. My relationship with my husband is great, as is my relationship with my parents and my brother and his family. However, I have two other friends in my life that I consider very dear to me. They were both members of my wedding party, only a year and a half ago. They both live only two miles from me, one in a apartment complex, and the other in a housing development right behind the apartment complex. Given that I could walk to spend time with them in under an hour, or drive in five minutes, I can’t say I have an excuse for not keeping in touch with them.

In this modern day, when just about everyone has e-mail and cell phones, do you find yourself not keeping in contact with your friends either? This past week, I decided to stop letting time pass without contacting them. Turns out one of these friends is in the hospital. As soon as I found out which hospital, my husband and I went to see him and spent over an hour keeping him company. The other friend we are meeting for breakfast on Saturday morning.

How hard would it be to get in contact with a friend of yours? Maybe your friend doesn’t answer e-mails – I lost a friend because e-mails and voice mails were not returned – but they probably do. Most of us send e-mail all day long – what’s one more to a friend?

I believe that relationship health means knowing that everyone who matters to you knows it and continues to know it on an ongoing basis. This means keeping in touch and doing your part for the relationship. Often, we get busy and forget, but it is important.

Do you have a list of people you could call in the middle of the night if something happened, even if it was just a flat tire on the highway? My list is short, but solid; I hope you are motivated to make yours solid as well.

The Next Few Days

I’ve asked a lot of questions with this post, and raised a lot of ideas for how we can improve the health of our lives and get that much closer to living our dream life. Many of these ideas require further exploration, which I will be doing over the next several days.

So, I hope you will return to check out my other posts. In the meantime, I welcome your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below.

Photo by *L*u*z*a*

As much as it would solve my problem to give up this website, it also feels like a cop out. Telling myself that the topic isn’t working can be seen as either an acknowledgement of the truth or an excuse designed to avoid the hard work of settling into a writing groove. There is no easy answer.

I have a vision of this blog being great. I don’t believe I’ve been working on that vision, however. I’ve been muddling through, and as a result, my topic has been muddled as well. A few months ago, I drew up some guidelines for myself when writing content. The first guideline was: No self help articles! Yet so many of my posts have been about personal change.

Personal Insight and Ripples of Improvement

While I believe my story is interesting, it is very one sided. Talking about myself is fairly simple, but it doesn’t leave room for others to express themselves. I also wonder if my stories are teaching anything? Are you just learning more about me, or are you learning more about being a human in the 21st century? I hope the latter is true, but I suspect it is the former that is more often the case. Since I want this blog to be great, I must change this.

I am one voice among many, but I am willing to be an example for others. I firmly believe that the only way the world can be changed is if each individual takes responsibility for themselves first; in a sense modeling the way society should function on our individual efforts. A significant portion of my own change has been from admitting that I am responsible for so much more than I previously acknowledged.

I was speaking with a friend yesterday about my difficulties with writing for the blog. He was surprised because he said I don’t have any problems talking; I can keep a conversation going without difficulty. This helped me to see that observations about myself and those close to me can serve as not just good stories, but lessons by example. I do have a lot to talk about, what I need is a consistent approach that applies any personal story in a larger context.

Environmental Activism and Ripples of Improvement

I’ve mentioned environmental activism before and even talked about my plans for the future with regards to the environment. However, the future isn’t soon enough. Helping the environment is not something I can put off until the conditions are right in my life; I must do something now. Therefore, I need a new definition of activism. As the HGTV motto has been recently, I have to “start at home.” Before I can dedicate myself to helping others, I have to be sure that I am able to help myself. Any way that I can improve my life to use less resources, whether that is fuel, health care, water, or something else, is a bit of environmental activism.

Consequently, my version of environmental activism doesn’t look like the traditional. Yes, it includes reducing, recycling, and reusing. But it also includes a huge dose of personal change and personal responsibility. Some day, I hope to volunteer full time. But, until that day, I can’t put aside my responsibility to change – both myself and my dealings with the world.

Clarifying What Ripples of Improvement Is About

Ripples of Improvement is a little bit of self development and it’s a little bit of environmental activism. But, it is all about waking up and taking responsibility for our own actions and how they affect the rest of the world – other people, other life, and the environment as a whole. I choose to write about this from a personal perspective, providing myself as a model for others. However, I want this site to be about more than just me. As I’ve mentioned before, while only I can change myself, I will need help to change the world, and I will also need help in convincing others to change themselves and their lives in ways that honor their personalities and their unique place in the world.

As part of reaching this goal, I will continue to tell you about my life, but I will also encourage and invite everyone reading this to become contributors as well. Please, leave me comments. Or, pitch post ideas – either topics you would like to see me cover, or if you have a great idea for a guest post, I would love to hear it.

I’ve been stumbling through the last 5 months and this site has been stumbling as well. However, the future is an open book and I’m writing it for myself and Ripples of Improvement. I hope you will join me!

Photo by aussiegall

First Things First

The kind of mission statement I’m referring to is a mission statement for your life, not for a specified period of time, or for finding a new job/career. If you do a search online for personal mission statement, you will find many references to switching careers or for specified periods of time (5 years, 10 years). I believe a mission statement for your whole life is more useful; it gives you a much broader picture and doesn’t expire. It answers the questions: Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life?

If you look at mission statements, you will see several variations on the structure. I settled on a simple two part statement. Part one is a one sentence summary of my mission and purpose in life. Part two is a list of statements that expand upon the purpose statement to clarify; I referred to this section with the words: “I will be guided by the following values and principles…”

The Purpose Statement

This is the meat of the personal mission statement. Once you have this part written, the rest will fall into place. It is also the hardest part of the whole exercise. If you already have an idea of your purpose in life, you are ahead of the game. Many people do not know, however.

My purpose statement is: My mission is to experience life through loving John and teaching others. In order to formulate this purpose, I looked at several things. Thinking about these things may help you as well:

1. Is there something you’ve always dreamed of doing or being? For me it was being a teacher.

2. Is there a service you have always been drawn to giving/providing? For instance, minister, firefighter, social worker

3. If you won the lottery, what would you do? Would you continue to do your job? Would you quit your job to do something else?

4. If you won the lottery, is there a particular cause that you would support generously?

5. Have you had any spiritual experiences, or flashes of intuition where you knew that something was right for you? I had this happen to me when I first started dating John, my now husband. I just knew he was for me.

6. What are you most proud of accomplishing in the past? Why are you proud of it?

7. Is there anything you do now, or want to do now that would devastate you if you couldn’t do it anymore?

8. If your life was threatened right now, what would you regret not accomplishing the most?

9. What about you or your life, do you know, under no uncertain conditions, do you not want to change? What do you absolutely want to stay the same? I listed things like my gender, my sense of humor, my relationship with friends.

Answering some or all of these questions should give you a good idea of what gives your life meaning. You many not be able to do this in one afternoon. I found it took me several days. I wrote list after list of things that were important to me. When I looked back over the lists, I found that my husband and teaching stood out for me as something I repeated over and over.

Play with this, dream, and have fun. No one has to see this but you, and no one is judging you for any ideas you contemplate in doing this task. Once you are pretty sure that you know your purpose, take the time to craft a clear, concise statement. “My mission is…” There’s no limit to what it can include, or how long it is. However, make it as clear and direct as possible.

The Values And Principles

As you formed your purpose statement, you probably had a lot of other important values come up. For me, integrity, loyalty, personal responsibility and caring for others were important to me. However, these didn’t quite fit with the purpose statement, rather they describe how I was to accomplish the purpose statement.

Your values and principles can be as many as you want, or as long as you want; however, as with the purpose statement clear and direct is better. I initially aimed for between 5 and 10 supporting statements and ended up narrowing down to the top 8.

First, I looked at values that supported the two parts of my statement. The first part: My mission is to experience life through loving John. It was important to me that I do my very best to love him with all my heart and with all his faults, and to support him as best as I could. My first principle then became: I love John unconditionally and support him in every way possible.

The second part of my purpose statement is: (My mission is to experience life through) teaching others. As I had crafted my purpose statement, I thought about the teachers I had loved the most and learned the most from. I narrowed down the list of qualities they had and I wanted to emulate. My second principle then became: I am caring and enthusiastic in helping others to learn and succeed.

Once I had two principles that covered the values most directly related to my purpose statement, I looked at the rest of my life and the kind of person I strive to be at all times. Your mission statement should describe your ideal personality and behavior. The following areas are ones I covered, that you may want to pursue as well:

1. Health. You must be in good health in order to carry out our purpose.

2. The values that define your personality. For me that was integrity, loyalty, personal responsibility, and prejudice free

3. Spirituality.

4. Friends.

5. Family.

6. Your environment. This could be your home, or how you conduct yourself with regards to the larger environment of your community, or the planet as a whole

These are just some ideas. Ultimately, you are the only one who can determine what your top values are. If you are torn between two, see if they can be combined. Alternatively, include them both.

No matter what you choose to include, all your values should support your mission statement, and they all should be worded in a sentence that can serve as a firm guideline for conducting your life. In other words, you should have clear statements, not just lists of values.

Examples and Guides

I will admit that some of the wording I used as inspiration for my mission statement I borrowed from here and there around the web. I also looked at lots of corporate mission statements. I found this practice very useful. The following is a good list of mission statements you may find useful as guides and examples:

My Mission Statement

Starbucks

Ben& Jerry’s

World Wildlife Federation

The Coca-Cola Company

The Whole Statement

When you have all the pieces, put them together in a clear, succinct way. Then, take the time to make it special. You could print it out on special paper. If you have a photo editing program, add graphics. I typed my statement and principles into one slide on a presentation program, such as Microsoft Powerpoint. There are lots of free templates online you can use to make it look great. Remember, this as a statement of your purpose in life – the reason you are here on Earth. This is important, so make it look important. Even if no one else sees it, you should feel good when you look at it.

Now you have a personal mission statement. Most likely, crafting this document was enlightening. I found it to really clarify my goals in life and how I looked at the world. You may have discovered, as I did, that my mission was not being carried out as best as I could the way I was living my life. This exercise was the start of my road of transformation, leading me to pursue my dreams. I hope that your mission statement has similar effect.

Please let me know how it went or any other thoughts in the comments below. I’m looking forward to hearing how this helped others.

Cathedral Photo by Bakar2007_2008 and Nature Trail Photo by bfick

Although you wouldn’t know it, I pulled down all the posts I had written and reworked them. Some stayed the same, others changed, and some didn’t make the final cut. I refocused on the goal of becoming an activist and made sure that my posts reflected that. However, as any good guidelines on setting goals would tell you, a goal must be SMART – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely. While I’ve done this for myself, I’ve never spelled it out on the blog. So, as part of the journey, I want to share what I mean when I say “a full time activist” so that everyone has the same idea.

Specific

A couple of years ago, I took the time to write my personal mission statement. I realized that my mission in life is to teach others. Throughout the years, the subjects I thought about teaching changed, but the desire did not. For years, I have wished I was able to volunteer as an educator at the National Aquarium in Baltimore. A few months ago, I looked into doing this on an occasional basis. Unfortunately, the Aquarium is at least 30 minutes away from my home, so the commute and the commitment of time they require meant it did not fit with my schedule. Therefore, I had to leave it as a wish for now.

When I am able to volunteer at the Aquarium, full time, and any time, then I will have achieved this goal. One of the main goals of the Aquarium is conservation and education, so this fits in with my desire to work on environmental conservation as well.

Measurable

In order to be available to volunteer full time, on any schedule, I will have to be in a position where I’m not obligated to a set schedule somewhere else. In other words, I will need to have an income source that is not dependent on me working for someone else.

There are several steps to this process, and each step has a clear end point. Therefore, it is possible to measure my progress toward the end goal of volunteering full time. I had some of the steps worked out, and after reading Your Money Or Your Life, I filled in the missing pieces. Basically, the process is this:

1. Become debt free

2. Build an emergency fund equal to six months of expenses

3. Invest in such a way that the investment interest meets or exceeds expenses.

Attainable

I read a couple of different definitions of what is meant by “attainable” when it comes to goals. The idea is that a goal should have a clear action plan to reach it. I should be a goal that can be reached by the one reaching for it. In other words, if you have a great goal, but you can’t figure out how in the heck to get there, then it’s not attainable for you.

For me, becoming an activist has a clear action plan. Obviously, the larger plan is what I outlined above. However, taking the first step and breaking it out, I get the following:

1. Decrease expenses through conscious spending as part of an overall downshifting lifestyle

2. Clear out clutter and sell for some cash

3. Find a new job

4. Pay off debt little by little

Timely

I realize that smart is not spelled SMATR. However, you’ll see why I’ve put Timely first in a moment.

Timely refers to setting a deadline for achieving your goal. Without a definite time period, it is easy to let the goal remain a dream, instead of feeling the motivation to follow your action plan.

So, I have set a deadline of five years from now being a full time volunteer. It may happen before then, and I not all of the steps above have to have been completed to be able to do this. For example, I only need a completely flexible schedule, not necessarily be totally living on my investments.

However, I will not consider volunteering until the debt is gone. Fortunately, my husband and I have not purchased a house yet, so our debt does not include a mortgage. Therefore, after looking at the numbers and our action plan, we have determined that two years is a good deadline for this subgoal. Again, it may happen sooner (and I certainly hope it does!), but two years is certainly long enough to achieve this.

Realistic

Realistic refers to the deadline – is it realistic that the goal can be reached in the time allotted? As I explained above, after looking at all the paperwork and making some calculations, we do believe that two years is a realistic time frame. I also believe that five years to become a full time volunteer is realistic; however, since this is based upon other steps, this one is not a deadline at this point. Step one – get out of debt – does have a deadline. When that step is reached, then we will set a deadline for step two – save emergency fund. After step two, as we are investing, we will be able to set a deadline for full time volunteering. But, for now, that will have to remain tentative.

I’m looking forward to reaching this goal and embarking on volunteering and teaching full time. However, I’m also enjoying the steps along the way – downshifting my life, examining my beliefs about money and society, and knowing that every day I get one step closer. As I continue down this path, I will continue to blog, discussing the journey, and connecting with others.

Have you turned your dream into a SMART Goal? Are you thinking of doing so now? Think I’m being too ambitious? Please leave the answers or any other comments you may have below.
Stone Photo by Philip Jägenstedt, Tape Measure Photo by aussiegall, List Photo by sunshinecity, Alarm Clock Photo by laffy4k, Pole Vaulting Photo by latvian

Photo by Lady-bug

Last night, I looked up Downshifting, otherwise known as Voluntary Simplicity. Before doing this, I had an idea that this lifestyle was simply living as naturally as possible, curbing excess spending, living frugally and trading the purchase of big ticket items for financial security. I pictured a lifestyle that was debt free except for a mortgage, with working on paying that off early. This would be a lifestyle where I would not purchase anything unless I had the money for it, in other words no credit. It would be a lifestyle where I was contributing fully to a retirement plan and saving each month for vacations and large ticket items like a new house. I pictured growing some veggies, and buying the rest at a farmers market. I pictured cooking at home and brown bagging leftovers.

What Downshifting Really Is

However, what I found out about Downshifting is that the lifestyle isn’t quite like this. Most Downshifters have left a high paying job in order to get a more fullfilling, but usually lowering paying, one. Yes, they are frugal, and some even move to another country to lower their cost of living. Some live totally on food they grow or raise – including goats and chickens. Well, this doesn’t appeal to me.

Although leaving a higher paying job was one of the criteria for one of the studies I read on the lifestyle, this didn’t include folks who had found fulfilling work that replaced their income, but allowed them more time. This is what J.D. at Get Rich Slowly has done. He’s an inspiration to me for the way I would like to live, the way I pictured before researching Downshifting.

This is also the way of life that Yaro Starak of Entrepreneur’s Journey strives for and teaches with Blog Mastermind, which I am a member of. Yes, it is true, I plan on earning money with this blog, although I promise I will carefully weigh the value of any ads before allowing them on the blog. The readers come first, and my commitment to being an activist is always on my mind.

How I plan To Start Downshifting

That said, my knowledge of Downshifting has changed, but not my implementation of it. For years I’ve been getting rid of “stuff” and doing my best not to purchase more. I’ve cut down on the number of magazines I subscribe to. One of the few I kept is Body + Soul Magazine (Amazon Assoc.), which is dedicated to a more natural, in touch, way of living that benefits the body and the soul. I really like this magazine as it highlights natural beauty products, cleaning products and offers tips to live a more green life, among other subjects. I also like that it views “soul” in a spiritual, natural sense, not a religious one. The message is about getting in touch with your true self through mindful living; they emphasize small changes, not radical, become a monk type changes.

So, I’m not quitting my job, moving to the woods, and starting to raise goats and chickens (although there is nothing wrong with such a thing if it works for you). However, I will be simplifying my life by consuming and spending less. I will also be spending more time with my family and friends and less time worrying about getting the perfect gift for Christmas or birthdays.

There are several reasons why this way of life appeals to me:
1. It is more cost effective. I buy a lot of stuff I don’t use and the regret purchasing. By making the effort to only buy stuff that I need, instead of lots of stuff that I want, I’m saving money.

2. It helps the environment. I’m not going to stop buying stuff. And I don’t see myself as the kind of person who will get all of her possessions at thrift stores, although I might get some. Rather, I will buy when it is really needed, which will cut down on the amount of energy used to produce the stuff I buy and the amount of trash I generate from using the stuff.

3. It will improve my quality of life. If I don’t buy when I want something, but instead think about it, and save for it, I will train myself to purchase quality instead of quantity. Certain purchases I haven’t regretted: a new entertainment center to house my TV and DVDs. Many more I have: books, candles, knick knacks, more books. If I had waited before purchasing the books and thought about it, like my husband and I did with the furniture, I would be happier. I would have less stuff (I’m going to be getting rid of books) making the stuff I do have that much more relevant to my life.

4. It helps my health. Both my mental health because I’m not stressed out by all the stuff, as well as my physical health. One of the frugal principles I plan to incorporate into my life is preparing my own meals. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but that’s because it is a huge step that I’m psyching myself up to do consistently. By preparing my own meals, I get to control what goes into the food. Therefore, no chemicals, no high fructose corn syrup, etc. Healthier, better tasting food, makes for a healthier body as well. Even if I purchase the ingredients and don’t grow them myself, I’ve still saved money and helped the environment as well as made myself feel better.

I went to the public library today (books I didn’t have to pay for and don’t have to make room for – yea!) I was happy that they had many of the recommended books about Downshifting/Voluntary Simplicity. But, before I read them and get a better idea of how, exactly to do this, I wanted to record my initial thoughts.

Now, I’m going to stop talking and open the subject up for discussion. Have you tried Downshifting, or something similar? Do you have any tips or tricks? Do you think I’m getting in over my head? Please leave me your comments below.