Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

Yesterday, I presented the first 3 of 6 lessons from Labyrinth on personal responsibility. Today, I present the final 3.

When we last left Sarah, she had faced off against Jareth, the Goblin King, and had learned a lesson about fairness while having time taken away. Sarah will have to learn a few more things before she meets Jareth for the final time.

4. Don’t keep moving in the wrong direction just because it’s the way you’re pointing. Deep in the labyrinth, Sarah comes to a set of doors that she must solve a puzzle to get through. She solves the puzzle correctly, but after she goes through the door, a trap opens up and drops her down a shaft lined with hands.

Sarah: Help! Stop it! Help!
Helping Hand: What do you mean “help”? We *are* helping.
Different Helping Hand: We’re Helping Hands.
Sarah: You’re hurting!
Helping Hand: Would you like us to let go? Heh-heh…
[They loosen their grip, Sarah starts to slide downward]
Sarah: No!
[They catch hold of her again]
Helping Hand: Well then, come on, which way?
Sarah: Which way?
Helping Hand: Up, or down?
Sarah: Oh…
Helping Hand: Come on, come on.
Different Helping Hand: We haven’t got all day.
Different Helping Hand: Well, it’s a big decision for her.
Different Helping Hand: Which way do you want to go, hm?
Sarah: Oh.
Helping Hand: Yes, which way?
Sarah: Well… since I’m pointed that way, I guess I’ll go down.
Helping Hand: She chose DOOOOOWN!
Different Helping Hand: She chose *down*? Heh!
[they let go]
Sarah: Was that wrong?
Helping Hand: Too late now!

As it turns out, at the bottom of the shaft is the oubliette (where you put people to forget about them.) This is most definitely not the right way. Of course, if Sarah had been thinking, she would have asked to go up – after all, any time a booby trap opens up, you’re probably on the right path.

In my own life, I continued down the wrong path with regards to my career. Seven years ago, I got a position in the insurance industry. Over the next seven years, I switched companies, earned designations and awards, but didn’t get any happier. Every move I made deeper into the industry, was because it was the way I was pointing. I thought it was the right decision because going back looked harder than going forward. Finally, I admitted my mistake, but it took a layoff to seal the deal.

I know I’m not the only one who has continued with a career or a project because it seems like the right choice even though there is a little voice deep inside that tells us it is very much the wrong choice. Heed the lesson from Sarah and me – personal responsibility means taking the right trail, even if it’s not the way you happen to be pointing.

5. Fantasies only last so long before we must come back to reality. When the movie opens, we see Sarah rehearsing a play version of the labyrinth adventure she is to undergo later that night. She’s alone in a field, except for her dog. Later, her stepmother remarks that she doesn’t have dates, and when we see her in her room, she has toys covering almost every surface. It’s clear that Sarah is a teenager, yet doesn’t want to grow up.

As she travels through the labyrinth, Sarah is confronted with all her fantasy beliefs and shown, one by one, that they aren’t how things work in the “real world,” that is, any world outside her head, no matter how fantastical that world actually is. By the end of the movie, Sarah’s attitude matches her age and we can see that she has in fact, grown up. She still has the fantasy to play with now and then, but it doesn’t rule her life.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a series of posts about how we can examine our fantasies to help us clarify what we really want. But, there is always that danger of not leaving the fantasy, of letting it take over our life. As adults, this happens rarely, but I know it can happen. There are times when I’ve been working on a piece of fiction writing and it takes over almost all my waking thoughts. My mind goes crazy with ideas, and you will see me spend hours jotting them down in a notebook. The crafting of fiction is very similar to playing out an elaborate daydream in your head. Fortunately, I don’t need to rescue my younger brother to snap me out of the writing fantasy, but the principle is still the same.

It’s very tempting to be constantly thinking about what we could do to reach our goals. Making goals, setting plans, and then not following through is very common. However, to reach those goals we have to take responsibility for taking action and not just planning action.

6. In the end it’s the belief in yourself and your power that wins out. Once Sarah has solved the labyrinth and made it to the castle, she still must face down Jareth to get her brother back. He offers her everything she could ever want, but she responds:

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great. You have no power over me.

And he doesn’t anymore. She has defeated her final enemy in the labyrinth, and at the same time, has defeated her fears of change and growing up. This is an important moment for Sarah as she realizes that she isn’t just repeating a line from a play, but she is telling the truth about her life. You can hear it as her voice changes, like she is surprised: You have no power over me.

This is a very powerful moment when it happens to us as well. Whenever we work to change, we face fear. By healing a hurt, losing weight, establishing a new habit, or make another change we overcome that fear. Realizing the fear no longer has any power over us is a life changing moment.

Personal responsibility is sometimes easy, and sometimes difficult. I know that for me when it comes to self improvement projects, I often find that taking responsibility is very hard. There is a lot of fear to overcome and a strong need to continue what has been working, at least a little bit. However, taking that responsibility moves me closer to my dreams, and farther away from those activities that don’t make me happy. I encourage you to undergo your own journey of self discovery, although a labyrinth with goblins and facing down a powerful Goblin King isn’t necessary to do so. (Might be a lot of fun, though!)

If you have stories of your own “A Ha!” moments, please share them below. Or, if you have any comments or thoughts to add to the discussion, I would love to hear them as well.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

The movie Labyrinth is very dear to my heart. I love the characters and the adventure. As I wrote last week, I rewatched the movie recently and I could see lots of lessons about self improvement hidden in the fantasy tale. Last week, I wrote about some lessons related to friendships. However, friendship is only one of the themes in the movie. Another major theme is that of personal responsibility.

Self improvement starts with personal responsibility. No one else is going to change us for us; we have to be the ones to change ourselves. When Sarah enters the labyrinth, her attitude is very much one of entitlement. She believes the real world should leave her alone to live in her fantasy world. She is in for a rude awakening when she has to rescue her baby brother, Toby.

1. You have to be take responsibility for your own actions. Sarah was at fault for her brother being kidnapped by the Goblin King. She took responsibility for that, but only after trying to convince the Goblin King that he had misunderstood her. Once she was resolved to navigating the labyrinth, she headed down to the gates. However, she hadn’t shed her tendency to blame others yet.

When Sarah first approached the gates to the labyrinth, she met Hoggle. She asked him if he knew how to get into the labyrinth.

He gave her evasive answers until she said in frustration, “Well, it’s no good asking you anything.”
He replied, “Not if you ask the right questions.”
She thought for a moment and asked, “How do I get into the labyrinth?”

With this, Hoggle showed her the gates. Sarah realized she was asking him to give her the answer, and expecting he would help her just because she deserved it. It was when she took responsibility for needing to enter, that he agreed to show her how.

So many times we do the same thing. We will expect someone else to do for us what we should really do ourselves. Rightfully so, they don’t always do what we want them to do. At the same time, we blame other people for not giving us the answer we want, declaring that the problem is with them, rather than realizing that the problem is with us.

I know I’m guilty of this, especially when it comes to exercise. It’s easy to make excuses: I don’t have anyone to exercise with or I agreed to exercise with someone, but they bowed out or I can’t afford a personal trainer. However, the truth is that I’m the one who needs to exercise, and it’s not someone else’s responsibility to get me to do so.

As Sarah learned, it wasn’t the Goblin King’s or Hoggle’s fault that she needed to navigate the labyrinth. She expected that things would go her way simply because she wanted them to. However, life doesn’t work that way. We have to take responsibility for getting things done, not just expect them to because we want it. When we take responsibility for our actions and not blame others, we will get much farther in life.

2. You can’t take things for granted. Several times throughout the movie, Sarah is reminded that she can’t take anything for granted. She believes that the labyrinth is dark and dank because it appears so on the surface. She takes for granted that the creatures she meets will be evil, like the Goblin King. However, things aren’t always as they seem. For instance, Ludo is big and scary, but he becomes a friend.

She thinks the labyrinth just goes on and on without any openings. However, a friendly worm tells her, “The labyrinth is full of them. It’s just you ain’t looking right.”

She hits a dead end and turns around to retrace her steps and finds someone changed her marks. Then, the dead end (that was behind her) switches and now the dead end is where there was empty path before. Things move all the time in the labyrinth, and not all creatures are scary. She can’t take anything for granted.

We do the same in real life. We take for granted that we will always have our job, even if we don’t like it. We take for granted that we will have the weekend free to do housework. Then we get released from our position, or the car breaks down and spends the weekend in the shop. We make plans and a friend goes into the hospital and we need to be there for them. We can’t just take it for granted that things are going to go the way we want them too, or that it seems like they should. We need to keep an open mind.

Life gives us surprises, just as the labyrinth gave Sarah lots of surprises. Once she was willing to be more open minded, things went much smoother, just as it does for us when we are open to possibilities.

3. Life isn’t always “fair”. Sarah has a big problem with thinking things should be easy and fair. She yells at her stepmother for making her babysit Toby because it’s not fair that she has to babysit “every weekend.” She marks her way in the labyrinth, then gets all bent out of shape when someone changes those marks. Finally, she has a confrontation with Jareth, the Goblin King, and he takes several hours away from her time to make it through.

She yells, “It’s not fair!”
He responds (with one of my favorite lines from the movie), “You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is?”

The truth is, that life isn’t fair. Rarely do things go the way we think they should. Others get promotions that we “should” have gotten. We have to clean the house more often than our spouse. Kids are always sure that someone got a bigger piece of candy than they did. Whether these things are true or not, life isn’t fair.

When we are kids, our parents teach us to be nice, to share, and to treat everyone equally. Fairness is a great ideal, but like any ideal, doesn’t work out all the time. And, like Sarah, we really don’t have a perfectly fair life to use as a basis for comparison when something goes wrong.

Really, it wasn’t fair that the goblins changed her marks, or that Jareth took away time. However, as she finally realizes, “No, it isn’t [fair], but that’s the way it is.”

When Sarah makes that statement, she has made one of the important changes she makes throughout her adventures. She has stepped up and taken responsibility for her actions and is no longer blaming someone, even if that someone is the world. In the same way, we must take responsibility and stop blaming others for not taking action on changing ourselves. Self improvement isn’t easy, but it doesn’t get any easier if we delay.

Tomorrow, I will present 3 more lessons on personal responsibility that I pulled from the movie. In the meantime, I encourage you to leave me your thougths below in the comments.

Table of contents for Cat's Wisdom

1. 5 Things I Learned About Life From My Cat

Cats are perceptive creatures. Anyone who has a cat knows that sometimes, they just “know” something without us understanding why. They have a variety of wise faces, letting us know that they hold the key to the secrets of the universe.

Or at least that’s the way cat owners like me interpret how our cats gaze at us. They may be just wondering if it’s too soon to ask for dinner or playtime. Or, just maybe, they are wiser than us.

Whether they have figured out the secrets of the universe or not, I know I have learned a thing or two about how I could live my life better from observing my cat.

1. Sleep is needed to be in top form. My cat, Midnight, is a bit crazy sometimes. She will wake up from a pretty deep sleep, and less than 10 minutes later is running around the house at top speed. She’ll race between the balcony door and the window in the bedroom. If she gets a chance, she’ll pick up a toy to carry with her along the way. I understand this type of behavior is typical for a cat, as is sleeping most of the time.

I hear frequently that humans need 7-8 hours of sleep (I’ve discovered I personally need 8). Studies have been done that show we lose mental ability and physical coordination as we go without sleep. Like many, I’ve doubted this was true for me, as I’ve been able to function well without the 8 hours of sleep. However, from watching Midnight, I can see that if I wake her up suddenly, she’s slow. If she wakes up on her own she’s in top form. In the same way, if I’m woken up suddenly, or before the 8 hours, I am sluggish as well. If I wake on my own after 8 hours of sleep, I’m sleepy at first, but I’m much quicker to become fully awake.

The lesson? We should pay attention to our pets more – they know how much sleep they need and aren’t afraid to get it.

2. Ask for what you want even if others don’t understand you – in time they will. Midnight is a very vocal cat. She asks us for things all the time. When we first got her, she would wake us up in the middle of the night. While we’ve trained her to leave us alone through the night, she still insists on waking me up if she’s hungry. In a way, she’s trained me to get out of bed right away and fill her bowl. (Thankfully, she doesn’t push it unless her bowl really is empty.)

She also tells us all the time that she wants – something. For awhile, John and I couldn’t figure out what she was asking for, then we realized she wanted to be let out onto the balcony. She is nuts about going outside on the balcony; she even insisted when it was snowing once (although she didn’t stay out long when she realized how cold it was!)

Humans have the benefit of being able to actually speak. We can ask for what we want; however, that doesn’t guarantee that the other person will understand. We have the ability to explain, and often we do so. But, I know there are times that I’ve given up explaining and either done the task myself, or decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

But, there are many things that we really do want, and we need the help of others to get it. In my own life, I’ve had to change doctors at least a dozen times to find one that was willing to listen to me and understand exactly what kind of treatment I wanted. In this case, it wasn’t a matter of giving up – although I did go through periods where I just didn’t see the doctor because I was tired of switching. In the end, I kept asking, knowing that there must be someone out there who would eventually understand.

3. Be generous with appreciation and love when others pay attention to you. Midnight is the only cat I can remember noticing is super quick to start purring. Often she will start purring before she even settles down to get petted. Simply by speaking to her she starts purring. She knows that we will pet her, or play with her and she very much appreciates us doing so.

How many times do we take someone for granted? In the past several months, I’ve been making a conscious effort to say “Thank you” whenever someone helps me out. When I spend time with friends, I will thank them for hanging out with me and/or for supporting me. I also am pleased when someone thanks me for helping them out or spending time with them. Appreciation of the other people in our life is important and should not be overlooked. My cat doesn’t take me for granted, and I do my best to follow her example and not take my friends and family for granted either.

4. Play often – it’s an integral part of life. Cats seem to have three modes: sleep, cuddle, or play. I count “stalking” in the play category because Midnight is great at catching dry leaves and only so so at catching flies. She’s not afraid to act crazy and doesn’t even slow down if we trip over her accidentally. Her attitude is: get out of my way, can’t you see I’m playing here?

We could all take a lesson from cats (and dogs as well): there is nothing wrong with wanting to play. So many times we justify our desire to play: I’ve had a hard day; I needed some “me” time; I deserve a break. What’s wrong with saying, “I’m busy right now, it’s time to play?”

Of course, as adults, we have responsibilities and we can’t play whenever we want to. But, aside from that, we often put off play because we think it’s not “important” or a “waste of time.” Well, I say we should forget that. We should hang up the guilt and “shoulds” and just play.

5. Asking for help doesn’t make you loved any less. Obviously, cat’s can’t feed themselves. They can’t change their own litter boxes either. They have to ask their humans to do these things for them. As I mentioned above, Midnight isn’t shy about asking for what she wants. Even if we don’t’ feel like giving it to her (she wants to play and we are watching TV for example), she knows that we are still going to love her. We’re not going to get rid of her or stop paying attention to her.

However, when it comes to our human relationships, many people are afraid to ask for help. They don’t want to look weak or want to admit that they can’t do something without help. But here’s the thing: we all need help at some point or other. When we were babies we didn’t hesitate to ask for food or a change. Yet, as adults we are reluctant to ask for assistance. Clearly, this reluctance is a learned behavior. However, I didn’t learn this from my cat. In fact, Midnight showed me just the opposite – I shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help if I need it.

This post is a bit silly, and was a lot of fun to write. While most of us don’t get life lessons from our pets, it’s true that they can show us how silly we are sometimes. True, pets don’t have the same reasoning abilities as humans, but that may be the reason why they can show us so much. They don’t let reasoning and logic get in the way of their innate nature. We should do the same more often.

If you have any comments or thoughts, I invite you to leave them below.

Self improvement is a process of “improving” the self. On one level this means healing the past and learning to be in emotional balance most of the time. On another level, it’s about being the best person we can be. But, this isn’t just something that affects only us. As we become better people, we have more confidence in ourselves and pursue our passions. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a desire to help others. In fact, just by becoming a better person, I’m helping others – good moods can be as contagious as bad ones.

1. We are destined for something better. I believe that I am rarely at my personal best. I know that my negative beliefs about myself hold me back. It’s hard to follow your dreams consistently when you have frequent thoughts that you aren’t worthy of those dreams. However, I know that these are false beliefs and I hope for something better for myself. I’m slowly learning to be at my best more often, but I know there is always room to improve.

I also hope for better for others. I believe that everyone should have access to the education and resources they may be lacking. I believe that everyone should also have access to the emotional assistance they may need to be as confident and successful as possible.

Although we may think that we know someone else inside and out, we will never know someone as well as they know themselves. We can only hear our thoughts and know how we feel. Therefore, if we want better for everyone else, we should start with ourselves. As we work on ourselves, we will learn a lot that we can pass onto others to help them with their own struggles to understand themselves.

Many of us have lots of areas of our life we believe need improvement. But, before we can start on a plan to get better, we have to believe that there is a better. For me, this isn’t just a belief that there is something better out there, but that I’m supposed to have it. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

2. I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter how much it differs from mine. I know there are those who disagree with me on my spirituality, my friends, my choices in life. However, I also know there are others who do agree with me. Regardless, I believe they are all as good as I am.

There are hundreds of self improvement books. All of the self improvement books I’ve read have been written by people who believe what they have to say so much that they knew they had to write a book about it. Some of them I agree with, and others I don’t. However, I know that their way worked, at least for them, so I have no right to claim that my opinions are any better than theirs.

I do my best to give my opinion and my experience from my point of view and not to claim that I have the ultimate knowledge about anything. There are lots of different ways of looking at the same problem and may different opinions of the solution. All are as valid as mine.

3. I believe that we shouldn’t force our way of looking at the world on anyone else. I applaud anyone who stands up for what they believe. I also have great respect for those who reach out as teachers to others. I draw the line at anyone who tries to “convert” me however, That’s not to say that I won’t debate someone, and consider their point of view and even change my opinion.

Debate is not evangelism. Debate is looking at issues with an open mind or at least the willingness to back down if you can’t change the other person’s mind. What really gets under my skin is those who act superior to me, believe that their opinion is so right that I must agree with it, and condemn me for not seeing it their way. I see this in politics, and religion, but thankfully not too often in self improvement. There are of course a few individuals who have worked on one method and had such great results they don’t believe any other method is as good, but even they don’t usually “run me over” with their opinions.

4. I believe that these values are important enough to me to fight for them. I am thankful that I have liberal friends and that we think a lot alike so I don’t need to fight them. Although, I have been known to stand up for what I believe and disagree with others – once with the guy who runs the local liquor store, and once with a coworker.

Unfortunately, this is the value that applies most readily in the political arena. But, in the self improvement arena, it applies as well. If I don’t believe something strongly enough, I won’t be willing to fight for it – even if I’m only fighting the inner critic.

Self improvement isn’t easy, but it helps to have a core set of beliefs to fall back on. When the going gets tough, I know I can count on my inner resolve to carry me forward. That resolve is built on the idea that being a better person means I need to treat myself and others equally. We are all important, and we all matter. Everyone’s way of thinking is valid – yours and mine. Forcing my beliefs on someone else, or looking down on them because they don’t believe the same thing I do, does not make me a better person .

In the end, we are all destined to improve and this is a belief we should hold dear and be willing to fight for.

Do you have any core beliefs that pull you through the times you want to give up? I would love to read about them in the comments below.

Photo Credits: Steps to Beach by Lollie-Pop; Italian Garden Gate by zarylla; Boxing Girl by ganessas.