Table of contents for Cat's Wisdom

1. 5 Things I Learned About Life From My Cat

Cats are perceptive creatures. Anyone who has a cat knows that sometimes, they just “know” something without us understanding why. They have a variety of wise faces, letting us know that they hold the key to the secrets of the universe.

Or at least that’s the way cat owners like me interpret how our cats gaze at us. They may be just wondering if it’s too soon to ask for dinner or playtime. Or, just maybe, they are wiser than us.

Whether they have figured out the secrets of the universe or not, I know I have learned a thing or two about how I could live my life better from observing my cat.

1. Sleep is needed to be in top form. My cat, Midnight, is a bit crazy sometimes. She will wake up from a pretty deep sleep, and less than 10 minutes later is running around the house at top speed. She’ll race between the balcony door and the window in the bedroom. If she gets a chance, she’ll pick up a toy to carry with her along the way. I understand this type of behavior is typical for a cat, as is sleeping most of the time.

I hear frequently that humans need 7-8 hours of sleep (I’ve discovered I personally need 8). Studies have been done that show we lose mental ability and physical coordination as we go without sleep. Like many, I’ve doubted this was true for me, as I’ve been able to function well without the 8 hours of sleep. However, from watching Midnight, I can see that if I wake her up suddenly, she’s slow. If she wakes up on her own she’s in top form. In the same way, if I’m woken up suddenly, or before the 8 hours, I am sluggish as well. If I wake on my own after 8 hours of sleep, I’m sleepy at first, but I’m much quicker to become fully awake.

The lesson? We should pay attention to our pets more – they know how much sleep they need and aren’t afraid to get it.

2. Ask for what you want even if others don’t understand you – in time they will. Midnight is a very vocal cat. She asks us for things all the time. When we first got her, she would wake us up in the middle of the night. While we’ve trained her to leave us alone through the night, she still insists on waking me up if she’s hungry. In a way, she’s trained me to get out of bed right away and fill her bowl. (Thankfully, she doesn’t push it unless her bowl really is empty.)

She also tells us all the time that she wants – something. For awhile, John and I couldn’t figure out what she was asking for, then we realized she wanted to be let out onto the balcony. She is nuts about going outside on the balcony; she even insisted when it was snowing once (although she didn’t stay out long when she realized how cold it was!)

Humans have the benefit of being able to actually speak. We can ask for what we want; however, that doesn’t guarantee that the other person will understand. We have the ability to explain, and often we do so. But, I know there are times that I’ve given up explaining and either done the task myself, or decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

But, there are many things that we really do want, and we need the help of others to get it. In my own life, I’ve had to change doctors at least a dozen times to find one that was willing to listen to me and understand exactly what kind of treatment I wanted. In this case, it wasn’t a matter of giving up – although I did go through periods where I just didn’t see the doctor because I was tired of switching. In the end, I kept asking, knowing that there must be someone out there who would eventually understand.

3. Be generous with appreciation and love when others pay attention to you. Midnight is the only cat I can remember noticing is super quick to start purring. Often she will start purring before she even settles down to get petted. Simply by speaking to her she starts purring. She knows that we will pet her, or play with her and she very much appreciates us doing so.

How many times do we take someone for granted? In the past several months, I’ve been making a conscious effort to say “Thank you” whenever someone helps me out. When I spend time with friends, I will thank them for hanging out with me and/or for supporting me. I also am pleased when someone thanks me for helping them out or spending time with them. Appreciation of the other people in our life is important and should not be overlooked. My cat doesn’t take me for granted, and I do my best to follow her example and not take my friends and family for granted either.

4. Play often – it’s an integral part of life. Cats seem to have three modes: sleep, cuddle, or play. I count “stalking” in the play category because Midnight is great at catching dry leaves and only so so at catching flies. She’s not afraid to act crazy and doesn’t even slow down if we trip over her accidentally. Her attitude is: get out of my way, can’t you see I’m playing here?

We could all take a lesson from cats (and dogs as well): there is nothing wrong with wanting to play. So many times we justify our desire to play: I’ve had a hard day; I needed some “me” time; I deserve a break. What’s wrong with saying, “I’m busy right now, it’s time to play?”

Of course, as adults, we have responsibilities and we can’t play whenever we want to. But, aside from that, we often put off play because we think it’s not “important” or a “waste of time.” Well, I say we should forget that. We should hang up the guilt and “shoulds” and just play.

5. Asking for help doesn’t make you loved any less. Obviously, cat’s can’t feed themselves. They can’t change their own litter boxes either. They have to ask their humans to do these things for them. As I mentioned above, Midnight isn’t shy about asking for what she wants. Even if we don’t’ feel like giving it to her (she wants to play and we are watching TV for example), she knows that we are still going to love her. We’re not going to get rid of her or stop paying attention to her.

However, when it comes to our human relationships, many people are afraid to ask for help. They don’t want to look weak or want to admit that they can’t do something without help. But here’s the thing: we all need help at some point or other. When we were babies we didn’t hesitate to ask for food or a change. Yet, as adults we are reluctant to ask for assistance. Clearly, this reluctance is a learned behavior. However, I didn’t learn this from my cat. In fact, Midnight showed me just the opposite – I shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help if I need it.

This post is a bit silly, and was a lot of fun to write. While most of us don’t get life lessons from our pets, it’s true that they can show us how silly we are sometimes. True, pets don’t have the same reasoning abilities as humans, but that may be the reason why they can show us so much. They don’t let reasoning and logic get in the way of their innate nature. We should do the same more often.

If you have any comments or thoughts, I invite you to leave them below.

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

Yesterday, I wrote about how daydreams and fantasies can point to what we really want in life. In Part 2, I want to discuss daydreams in particular.
We all have daydreams – fantasies played out while we are awake. These can take many forms – maybe we are wistful thinking about stepping outside and enjoying the sunlight. Maybe we play out a complex scenario that makes our life “perfect” or at least as close to it as humanly possible.

While it’s obvious that these daydreams show us a better life, one we would like to have, I believe that these daydreams are usually deeper, showing us more fundamental desires that we may not be aware of.

The Corner Office

Whenever I think about getting high up in a traditional business (i.e., not a web/online based one), I like to dream about a corner office. This office would have almost as much space as my two bedroom apartment. I picture being fairly high in a building and having large windows. I would have a contemporary glass desk, a really comfortable office chair, the latest computer with an LCD screen, and a sitting area.

While this daydream clearly shows a better life with more advanced furniture and electronics that I don’t currently have, this fantasy also points to a few more subtle ideas.

1. Recognition. No one gets to the corner office unless they are really high up in a company. The daydream, while possibly different from real life, has me as a respected member of the company. I regularly have visitors and I have an open door policy for all employees.

Having a corner office means you haven’t been held back by anything that could be considered negative (a fault) or something prejudiced against (race, religion, gender, sexual orientation.) For me, this means that I haven’t been overlooked because I’m a woman.

It also shows that we are recognized for our hard work and dedication to the company. We have respect we may very well not have in real life.

2. Financial Security. Those who have corner offices are not poor. They are generally able to afford whatever they want, even if they don’t want a mansion, sports car, or private school for their children.

In real life, executives with corner offices are often overworked, rarely see their families, and many have tremendous debt.

However, in a fantasy such as this, none of those downsides exist. We are free to jet off to the Caribbean if we want to. We no longer count money as one of our top concerns.

3. Supporting a cause we believe in. While in real life, we may stay with a company that isn’t completely in line with our goals, this is not the case in fantasy. In fantasy, our hard work, dedication, and perseverance is for a cause we truly believe in. The corner office is just the icing on the cake.

The Perfect Relationship

While I personally have a relationship that is about as “perfect” as I believe is possible, that hasn’t always been the case. The relationship I had with my ex-boyfriend had a lot of problems (after all, if it was great, I would have married him!)

Fantasies that our relationship was much better didn’t just include being happy and having the same goals. They also included other important aspects.

1. Unconditional love. Unfortunately, adult love is conditional. However, it’s possible to get really, really close to unconditional love. An unconditional love would be with someone who loves us no matter how much we make mistakes. They would tell us if we needed feedback, but they would judge our actions, not us personally. They wouldn’t belittle us or hurt us.

Obviously, this is a tall order. However, I believe that my frequent wishing and daydreaming about how my relationship could be better showed me clearly what I didn’t have then. Then, when I met and fell in love with John, who later became my husband, I was able to truly understand the power of this in my life.

2. Free from any worries about trust. A perfect relationship is one where we don’t fear letting the other person see the “real” us. We know that they won’t betray a confidence, and they will hold us when we are upset.

Trust is difficult to have in many situations. I’m sure I’m not alone in having had my trust violated in the past, in both romantic relationships and friendships.

When I fantasied about the perfect relationship, I didn’t realize that this was an underlying concern. However, the thoughts of telling my deepest secrets and wishes for the future without being laughed at show that I wished for this in my relationship.

3. Solid support. The desire to be able to share my dreams with my romantic partner and fearing to do so in real life shows that my fantasies about a perfect relationship meant I wanted support.

Unasked for advice and criticism will send many of us to a daydream where the other person claps as we get a degree or lose a few pounds. No matter what we choose to aim for, we know the other person will always be there.

The desire for this kind of backing often shows up in our fantasies, even if we don’t consciously realize it.

These two common daydreams are quite fun to engage in. While our real life may be nothing like a daydream, a daydream provides a pleasant escape. Many times, we may not even be aware of why the daydream is so pleasant. However, if we look a little deeper, we can see that daydreams show us we really want. And, when we know it, we have a much better chance of working to actually get it.

Tomorrow, I’ll look at other common fantasies – sexual fantasies. I suspect these types of fantasies are evaluated even less than daydreams. While daydreams can be pretty easy to figure out, many sexual fantasies don’t get examined any closer than “that’s just what I like.” But, I’m willing to take a chance and “crack the lid” to point out what they might really be showing us.

Please leave me your thoughts and comments on this post, or any posts in the series below.

Photo Credits: Clouds and Sun by abkfenris; Jet Plane by Cubbie_n_Vegas; Key and Heart by aussiegall