Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

Yesterday, I presented the first 3 of 6 lessons from Labyrinth on personal responsibility. Today, I present the final 3.

When we last left Sarah, she had faced off against Jareth, the Goblin King, and had learned a lesson about fairness while having time taken away. Sarah will have to learn a few more things before she meets Jareth for the final time.

4. Don’t keep moving in the wrong direction just because it’s the way you’re pointing. Deep in the labyrinth, Sarah comes to a set of doors that she must solve a puzzle to get through. She solves the puzzle correctly, but after she goes through the door, a trap opens up and drops her down a shaft lined with hands.

Sarah: Help! Stop it! Help!
Helping Hand: What do you mean “help”? We *are* helping.
Different Helping Hand: We’re Helping Hands.
Sarah: You’re hurting!
Helping Hand: Would you like us to let go? Heh-heh…
[They loosen their grip, Sarah starts to slide downward]
Sarah: No!
[They catch hold of her again]
Helping Hand: Well then, come on, which way?
Sarah: Which way?
Helping Hand: Up, or down?
Sarah: Oh…
Helping Hand: Come on, come on.
Different Helping Hand: We haven’t got all day.
Different Helping Hand: Well, it’s a big decision for her.
Different Helping Hand: Which way do you want to go, hm?
Sarah: Oh.
Helping Hand: Yes, which way?
Sarah: Well… since I’m pointed that way, I guess I’ll go down.
Helping Hand: She chose DOOOOOWN!
Different Helping Hand: She chose *down*? Heh!
[they let go]
Sarah: Was that wrong?
Helping Hand: Too late now!

As it turns out, at the bottom of the shaft is the oubliette (where you put people to forget about them.) This is most definitely not the right way. Of course, if Sarah had been thinking, she would have asked to go up – after all, any time a booby trap opens up, you’re probably on the right path.

In my own life, I continued down the wrong path with regards to my career. Seven years ago, I got a position in the insurance industry. Over the next seven years, I switched companies, earned designations and awards, but didn’t get any happier. Every move I made deeper into the industry, was because it was the way I was pointing. I thought it was the right decision because going back looked harder than going forward. Finally, I admitted my mistake, but it took a layoff to seal the deal.

I know I’m not the only one who has continued with a career or a project because it seems like the right choice even though there is a little voice deep inside that tells us it is very much the wrong choice. Heed the lesson from Sarah and me – personal responsibility means taking the right trail, even if it’s not the way you happen to be pointing.

5. Fantasies only last so long before we must come back to reality. When the movie opens, we see Sarah rehearsing a play version of the labyrinth adventure she is to undergo later that night. She’s alone in a field, except for her dog. Later, her stepmother remarks that she doesn’t have dates, and when we see her in her room, she has toys covering almost every surface. It’s clear that Sarah is a teenager, yet doesn’t want to grow up.

As she travels through the labyrinth, Sarah is confronted with all her fantasy beliefs and shown, one by one, that they aren’t how things work in the “real world,” that is, any world outside her head, no matter how fantastical that world actually is. By the end of the movie, Sarah’s attitude matches her age and we can see that she has in fact, grown up. She still has the fantasy to play with now and then, but it doesn’t rule her life.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a series of posts about how we can examine our fantasies to help us clarify what we really want. But, there is always that danger of not leaving the fantasy, of letting it take over our life. As adults, this happens rarely, but I know it can happen. There are times when I’ve been working on a piece of fiction writing and it takes over almost all my waking thoughts. My mind goes crazy with ideas, and you will see me spend hours jotting them down in a notebook. The crafting of fiction is very similar to playing out an elaborate daydream in your head. Fortunately, I don’t need to rescue my younger brother to snap me out of the writing fantasy, but the principle is still the same.

It’s very tempting to be constantly thinking about what we could do to reach our goals. Making goals, setting plans, and then not following through is very common. However, to reach those goals we have to take responsibility for taking action and not just planning action.

6. In the end it’s the belief in yourself and your power that wins out. Once Sarah has solved the labyrinth and made it to the castle, she still must face down Jareth to get her brother back. He offers her everything she could ever want, but she responds:

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great. You have no power over me.

And he doesn’t anymore. She has defeated her final enemy in the labyrinth, and at the same time, has defeated her fears of change and growing up. This is an important moment for Sarah as she realizes that she isn’t just repeating a line from a play, but she is telling the truth about her life. You can hear it as her voice changes, like she is surprised: You have no power over me.

This is a very powerful moment when it happens to us as well. Whenever we work to change, we face fear. By healing a hurt, losing weight, establishing a new habit, or make another change we overcome that fear. Realizing the fear no longer has any power over us is a life changing moment.

Personal responsibility is sometimes easy, and sometimes difficult. I know that for me when it comes to self improvement projects, I often find that taking responsibility is very hard. There is a lot of fear to overcome and a strong need to continue what has been working, at least a little bit. However, taking that responsibility moves me closer to my dreams, and farther away from those activities that don’t make me happy. I encourage you to undergo your own journey of self discovery, although a labyrinth with goblins and facing down a powerful Goblin King isn’t necessary to do so. (Might be a lot of fun, though!)

If you have stories of your own “A Ha!” moments, please share them below. Or, if you have any comments or thoughts to add to the discussion, I would love to hear them as well.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

The movie Labyrinth is very dear to my heart. I love the characters and the adventure. As I wrote last week, I rewatched the movie recently and I could see lots of lessons about self improvement hidden in the fantasy tale. Last week, I wrote about some lessons related to friendships. However, friendship is only one of the themes in the movie. Another major theme is that of personal responsibility.

Self improvement starts with personal responsibility. No one else is going to change us for us; we have to be the ones to change ourselves. When Sarah enters the labyrinth, her attitude is very much one of entitlement. She believes the real world should leave her alone to live in her fantasy world. She is in for a rude awakening when she has to rescue her baby brother, Toby.

1. You have to be take responsibility for your own actions. Sarah was at fault for her brother being kidnapped by the Goblin King. She took responsibility for that, but only after trying to convince the Goblin King that he had misunderstood her. Once she was resolved to navigating the labyrinth, she headed down to the gates. However, she hadn’t shed her tendency to blame others yet.

When Sarah first approached the gates to the labyrinth, she met Hoggle. She asked him if he knew how to get into the labyrinth.

He gave her evasive answers until she said in frustration, “Well, it’s no good asking you anything.”
He replied, “Not if you ask the right questions.”
She thought for a moment and asked, “How do I get into the labyrinth?”

With this, Hoggle showed her the gates. Sarah realized she was asking him to give her the answer, and expecting he would help her just because she deserved it. It was when she took responsibility for needing to enter, that he agreed to show her how.

So many times we do the same thing. We will expect someone else to do for us what we should really do ourselves. Rightfully so, they don’t always do what we want them to do. At the same time, we blame other people for not giving us the answer we want, declaring that the problem is with them, rather than realizing that the problem is with us.

I know I’m guilty of this, especially when it comes to exercise. It’s easy to make excuses: I don’t have anyone to exercise with or I agreed to exercise with someone, but they bowed out or I can’t afford a personal trainer. However, the truth is that I’m the one who needs to exercise, and it’s not someone else’s responsibility to get me to do so.

As Sarah learned, it wasn’t the Goblin King’s or Hoggle’s fault that she needed to navigate the labyrinth. She expected that things would go her way simply because she wanted them to. However, life doesn’t work that way. We have to take responsibility for getting things done, not just expect them to because we want it. When we take responsibility for our actions and not blame others, we will get much farther in life.

2. You can’t take things for granted. Several times throughout the movie, Sarah is reminded that she can’t take anything for granted. She believes that the labyrinth is dark and dank because it appears so on the surface. She takes for granted that the creatures she meets will be evil, like the Goblin King. However, things aren’t always as they seem. For instance, Ludo is big and scary, but he becomes a friend.

She thinks the labyrinth just goes on and on without any openings. However, a friendly worm tells her, “The labyrinth is full of them. It’s just you ain’t looking right.”

She hits a dead end and turns around to retrace her steps and finds someone changed her marks. Then, the dead end (that was behind her) switches and now the dead end is where there was empty path before. Things move all the time in the labyrinth, and not all creatures are scary. She can’t take anything for granted.

We do the same in real life. We take for granted that we will always have our job, even if we don’t like it. We take for granted that we will have the weekend free to do housework. Then we get released from our position, or the car breaks down and spends the weekend in the shop. We make plans and a friend goes into the hospital and we need to be there for them. We can’t just take it for granted that things are going to go the way we want them too, or that it seems like they should. We need to keep an open mind.

Life gives us surprises, just as the labyrinth gave Sarah lots of surprises. Once she was willing to be more open minded, things went much smoother, just as it does for us when we are open to possibilities.

3. Life isn’t always “fair”. Sarah has a big problem with thinking things should be easy and fair. She yells at her stepmother for making her babysit Toby because it’s not fair that she has to babysit “every weekend.” She marks her way in the labyrinth, then gets all bent out of shape when someone changes those marks. Finally, she has a confrontation with Jareth, the Goblin King, and he takes several hours away from her time to make it through.

She yells, “It’s not fair!”
He responds (with one of my favorite lines from the movie), “You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is?”

The truth is, that life isn’t fair. Rarely do things go the way we think they should. Others get promotions that we “should” have gotten. We have to clean the house more often than our spouse. Kids are always sure that someone got a bigger piece of candy than they did. Whether these things are true or not, life isn’t fair.

When we are kids, our parents teach us to be nice, to share, and to treat everyone equally. Fairness is a great ideal, but like any ideal, doesn’t work out all the time. And, like Sarah, we really don’t have a perfectly fair life to use as a basis for comparison when something goes wrong.

Really, it wasn’t fair that the goblins changed her marks, or that Jareth took away time. However, as she finally realizes, “No, it isn’t [fair], but that’s the way it is.”

When Sarah makes that statement, she has made one of the important changes she makes throughout her adventures. She has stepped up and taken responsibility for her actions and is no longer blaming someone, even if that someone is the world. In the same way, we must take responsibility and stop blaming others for not taking action on changing ourselves. Self improvement isn’t easy, but it doesn’t get any easier if we delay.

Tomorrow, I will present 3 more lessons on personal responsibility that I pulled from the movie. In the meantime, I encourage you to leave me your thougths below in the comments.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

Yesterday, I posted the first three of the lessons on friendship I saw in the movie Labyrinth.

When last we left Sarah, she was facing off against Sir Didymus in the Bog of Eternal Stench. She had just convinced him to let her pass and he had agreed to travel with her.

4. Don’t immediately discount others ways of helping. As Sarah starts to cross the bridge over the Bog of Eternal Stench, the bridge collapses and she almost falls in. She grabs onto a low hanging tree branch. As she is hanging there, not sure what to do next, Ludo starts to howl. Sir Didymus asks him, “Sir Ludo, canst thou sit by and howl when yon maiden needs our help?” Ludo ignores him and continues to howl. After a moment it becomes clear that the rocks are responding to his call. When questioned, he replies, “Rocks friends.” (One of the things I love about movies with magic – strange things happen when you least expect them.) The rocks settle in the Bog and form a new bridge. Yet, it appeared that Ludo wasn’t helping, merely lamenting, at first.

One of the things I like about my friends is that while we all think alike on many things, there are times they figure things out that I don’t. I had a friend in college who was my lab partner and we were great together because if one of us didn’t understand something the other one did. Why do we go to our friends for advice? Because we know they have a different way of looking at things.

However, I know there have been some times that I asked for advice and what I got in return seemed not to answer my questions at all. Yet, when I thought it through, or did what they suggested, I saw that they were absolutely right. I’ve learned not to question these times as much anymore; I just realize that they have their own way of helping.

Like Sir Didymus realized, people have their own way of solving problems, sometimes doing so when it appears they aren’t helping at all.

5. True friends come through in the end. As I described in Part 1, Hoggle is a self proclaimed coward and runs off several times when confronted with Jareth’s wrath that he’s helping Sarah. However, in the end, he jumps into the fray to help her at a critical juncture – risking grave injury and Jareth’s fury like he’s never seen before – to save her. He expects that she won’t forgive him for hurting her and abandoning her, but she does. She commends him for his daring rescue and tells him he is still her friend. She had faith that he cared for her more than he was afraid and would overcome his fear to help her.

In my own life, I’ve seen this happen as well. While I’ve never been faced by an 8 foot tall metal goblin wielding a huge battle-axe, I have faced some very tough points in my life. During an episode of depression, I found out who my friends are. My true friends called to check on me, invited me to spend time out with them, or in the case of John, were a wonderful source of encouragement and support.

It may be a cliche to say that true friends come through in the end, but it’s true. Good friends will be there to celebrate the good (new job!) as well as support you through the bad (romantic breakup!) I recently had an opportunity to realize that I wanted to be a true friend, in a similar way to Hoggle. I hadn’t talked to a friend of mine for several months when he got sick and had to go into the hospital. I was afraid that he would be upset that I hadn’t kept in contact and might not want to see me. However, I’m glad that I went to see him; not only was he happy to see me, but I have reconnected with my friend.

And, as Hoggle discovered when Sarah forgave him for hurting her, I also discovered that I can also be forgiven by my friends.

6. We need to face our demons alone, but it’s nice to know that someone’s got our back just in case. When Sarah, Hoggle, Ludo, and Sir Didymus finally make it to the castle beyond the Goblin City, Sarah heads to confront Jareth.

The others start to follow her and she tells them she has to go alone. “Because that’s the way it’s done.”
Sir Didymus replies, “Well, if that is the way it is done, then that is the way you must do it. But, should you need us…”
Hoggle interrupts him, “Yes, should you need us…”
“I’ll call.”

Sarah then races up the stairs to get Toby back. And that is the way it had to be done. The journey through the labyrinth was a pact between her and the Goblin King and although she had help making it through, in the end, she had to face him alone.

When we undergo any self improvement process, getting support can be critical. Yet, at some point, it comes down to us and change. We have to face that change alone. If we are working to change our eating, we can have others we bounce ideas and fears off of, but only we control what we actually eat. If we are working to heal past hurts, we may choose to have someone we trust sit with us. But, only we can feel our feelings and process them.

Just as Sarah needed to face Jareth alone to finally get back Toby, we need to face our fears and inner demons to get the change we desire.

As Sarah traveled through the labyrinth, she met many strange creatures and many obstacles. However, she also found friends and learned many things about letting other people into your world to share your adventures with you.

In modern society, we do so many things that we think we need do by ourselves. We often push our friends aside, relegating them to the “fun” times. However, we all need others to fill out our life. We let our friends lean on us for support; don’t be afraid to lean on them sometimes. And, don’t forget the lessons evident in Labyrinth about the power of friendship.

Table of contents for Labyrinth Lessons

1. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 1
2. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and The Power of Friendship Part 2
3. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 1
4. Lessons on Self Improvement – Labyrinth and Personal Responsibility Part 2

The movie Labyrinth is one of my favorites. It came out in 1986 when I was only 10 years old. I’m not sure if I saw it then, or a year to two after, but I’ve loved it since that first viewing.

In case you’re not familiar with the story, let me give you a quick summary. Sarah (played by Jennifer Connelly), who is around 16, lives in her own dream world. When she gets asked to babysit her toddler aged brother, Toby, she calls upon the Goblin King to take her brother far away. Thinking it’s just fantasy, she turns to leave the room and suddenly stops hearing Toby crying. She turns around and finds that the Goblin King (played by David Bowie) *is* real and that he’s just stolen her brother. She asks for him back, but is refused. The Goblin King then gives her 13 hours to navigate her way through the Goblins’ (played by Jim Henson’s Muppets) labyrinth to the castle at the center to rescue Toby. The movie is the story of her journey through the labyrinth.

The last time I watched the movie, I realized there were lots of elements that could apply to self improvement. I paused the DVD, ran and got paper and a pen, and started scribbling down notes. It became clear that one of the main themes of the movie is that Sarah is used to living in her fantasy world where everything goes her way. When she has to navigate the labyrinth, she is confronted with something that she can’t control. As she comes out of her shell, she meets several creatures who become her friends. So, the first set of lessons I picked out of the movie are on friendships.

1. Sometimes we have to fight fear to become friends with someone.The first character that Sarah meets as she approaches the labyrinth is a goblin named Hoggle. He helps her get into the labyrinth then disappears. Sarah meets him again a little later after she gets trapped in the oubliette (“A place you put people to forget about ‘em.”) Throughout the movie, Hoggle appears and then disappears again, popping in to help Sarah and then popping out again.

When Hoggle helps Sarah out of the oubliette, he explains why he disappeared and why he lied to the Goblin King about helping her.

Hoggle says, “You’ve got to understand my position. I’m a coward, and Jareth scares me.”

To be honest, if I had to face the Goblin King every day, I would be scared too. He’s not a nice king, and it’s easy to see why Hoggle is afraid of him. Yet, despite that fear, Hoggle keeps coming back to help Sarah. He can tell when he first meets her that she is nice and they are destined to become friends.

I’ve been friends with a few people over the years where when I first met them, I just knew that they were going to be part of my life. Although, it wasn’t an immediate friendship. Friendships take time to develop, and I had to overcome my fear of rejection to approach them and introduce myself.

One of my best friends, the woman who conducted my wedding ceremony as a matter of fact, I met through the guy she was dating at the time. He was a friend of my brother and she was his girlfriend. So, I knew who she was, but that was about it. To be honest, I thought we had nothing in common. She is a nurse, and I was an insurance agent. Her boyfriend was another person I knew, but not that well. I was hesitant to approach them, figuring that they would just see me as “Brian’s sister” and be no more than polite.

As it turns out, I’m very grateful that I’ve been able to become friends with both of these wonderful people. Both were in my wedding and I see them both regularly. They have become my closest friends aside from my husband and my family.

But, like Hoggle, if I hadn’t overcome my fear, we would not have become friends. Thankfully, what I fear doesn’t have the power to dump me headfirst in the Bog of Eternal Stench (“if you so much as set a foot in the Bog of Stench, you’ll smell bad for the rest of your life. It’ll never wash off.”) However, it does have the power to hold me back from meeting new people – if I let it. We all have to overcome some fear to reach out and get to know someone.

2. Friends can be found in the most unlikely places. On the surface, the labyrinth is dark and foreboding, and all the creatures in it evil and scary. Not so, as Sarah finds out. In fact, most of the creatures she meets are friendly, even though they are in the labyrinth. Early on, shortly after entering the labyrinth, Sarah takes a rest and is greeted by a worm. After they exchange greetings, the worm invites her in for tea. She declines and asks the worm if he knows how to solve the labyrinth. “No, I’m just a worn.” Yet, a worm who invited her in for tea.

After she meets Hoggle, Sarah meets two other creatures who become her friends and travel with her on her journey: Ludo and Sir Didymus. She travels over stone paths, through a hedge maze and even over the Bog of Eternal Stench and in each of these places, she finds someone to help her who becomes her friend.

In my life, I’ve met friends at work, at Girl Scouts, and at restaurants. I’ve met friends on adventure trips and camping trips.

I’ve heard of people meeting in taxi cabs, subway stations, and elevators. When two people connect and realize they have a mutual “like” for each other, the place doesn’t matter. Often, it’s the shared experience that gets them talking initially. This is especially true of adventure trips, like Sarah’s through the labyrinth. The stranger the surroundings, the easier it is to reach out to someone friendly.

3. Not everyone who can be a friend appears that way at first. When Sarah first meets Sir Didymus in the Bog of Eternal Stench, he is guarding the only bridge over a particularly nasty stretch of bog along the trail. He has sworn to protect the bridge with his life and fights them fiercely, not allowing them to cross. Finally, Sarah figures out how to get past him and over the bridge, and Sir Didymus agrees to accompany her on her journey. He puts the same fierce determination that he used to defend the bridge to use defending Sarah. He goes from fighting her to protecting her.

Years ago, I met a girl in Girl Scouts that for some reason, I didn’t connect with at first. A year or so after I met her the first time, we were in the same classes together at school. That time, for another reason, I don’t understand, I could feel that friendship connection. For over 14 years we were friends. And, as I mentioned above, two of my closest friends were simply “my brother’s friends” until I got to know them.

While I’ve never had the experience of becoming friends with someone who I was initially enemies with, I have become friends with people who didn’t appear as friends the first time I met them. Sarah learns too that first impressions aren’t always accurate and are often in need of revision.

Sarah had many adventures in the labyrinth, and there are many lessons I can pull from the movie. Tomorrow, I’ll post the second part of the friendship lessons. I hope you’ll turn in to catch the end.

Do you have any other points to add to the above? Please leave your thoughts and comments below.

Self improvement is a process of “improving” the self. On one level this means healing the past and learning to be in emotional balance most of the time. On another level, it’s about being the best person we can be. But, this isn’t just something that affects only us. As we become better people, we have more confidence in ourselves and pursue our passions. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a desire to help others. In fact, just by becoming a better person, I’m helping others – good moods can be as contagious as bad ones.

1. We are destined for something better. I believe that I am rarely at my personal best. I know that my negative beliefs about myself hold me back. It’s hard to follow your dreams consistently when you have frequent thoughts that you aren’t worthy of those dreams. However, I know that these are false beliefs and I hope for something better for myself. I’m slowly learning to be at my best more often, but I know there is always room to improve.

I also hope for better for others. I believe that everyone should have access to the education and resources they may be lacking. I believe that everyone should also have access to the emotional assistance they may need to be as confident and successful as possible.

Although we may think that we know someone else inside and out, we will never know someone as well as they know themselves. We can only hear our thoughts and know how we feel. Therefore, if we want better for everyone else, we should start with ourselves. As we work on ourselves, we will learn a lot that we can pass onto others to help them with their own struggles to understand themselves.

Many of us have lots of areas of our life we believe need improvement. But, before we can start on a plan to get better, we have to believe that there is a better. For me, this isn’t just a belief that there is something better out there, but that I’m supposed to have it. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

2. I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, no matter how much it differs from mine. I know there are those who disagree with me on my spirituality, my friends, my choices in life. However, I also know there are others who do agree with me. Regardless, I believe they are all as good as I am.

There are hundreds of self improvement books. All of the self improvement books I’ve read have been written by people who believe what they have to say so much that they knew they had to write a book about it. Some of them I agree with, and others I don’t. However, I know that their way worked, at least for them, so I have no right to claim that my opinions are any better than theirs.

I do my best to give my opinion and my experience from my point of view and not to claim that I have the ultimate knowledge about anything. There are lots of different ways of looking at the same problem and may different opinions of the solution. All are as valid as mine.

3. I believe that we shouldn’t force our way of looking at the world on anyone else. I applaud anyone who stands up for what they believe. I also have great respect for those who reach out as teachers to others. I draw the line at anyone who tries to “convert” me however, That’s not to say that I won’t debate someone, and consider their point of view and even change my opinion.

Debate is not evangelism. Debate is looking at issues with an open mind or at least the willingness to back down if you can’t change the other person’s mind. What really gets under my skin is those who act superior to me, believe that their opinion is so right that I must agree with it, and condemn me for not seeing it their way. I see this in politics, and religion, but thankfully not too often in self improvement. There are of course a few individuals who have worked on one method and had such great results they don’t believe any other method is as good, but even they don’t usually “run me over” with their opinions.

4. I believe that these values are important enough to me to fight for them. I am thankful that I have liberal friends and that we think a lot alike so I don’t need to fight them. Although, I have been known to stand up for what I believe and disagree with others – once with the guy who runs the local liquor store, and once with a coworker.

Unfortunately, this is the value that applies most readily in the political arena. But, in the self improvement arena, it applies as well. If I don’t believe something strongly enough, I won’t be willing to fight for it – even if I’m only fighting the inner critic.

Self improvement isn’t easy, but it helps to have a core set of beliefs to fall back on. When the going gets tough, I know I can count on my inner resolve to carry me forward. That resolve is built on the idea that being a better person means I need to treat myself and others equally. We are all important, and we all matter. Everyone’s way of thinking is valid – yours and mine. Forcing my beliefs on someone else, or looking down on them because they don’t believe the same thing I do, does not make me a better person .

In the end, we are all destined to improve and this is a belief we should hold dear and be willing to fight for.

Do you have any core beliefs that pull you through the times you want to give up? I would love to read about them in the comments below.

Photo Credits: Steps to Beach by Lollie-Pop; Italian Garden Gate by zarylla; Boxing Girl by ganessas.

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

Over the past few days, I have examined fantasies, both daydreams and sexual fantasies. I’ve explored the surface meanings and dug deeper to show how they are like a window to the subconscious and a way to get in touch with our authentic selves. Clearly, both daydreams and sexual fantasies are rich in meaning. What appears on the surface to be shallow has a depth that we often don’t even realize.

Fantasies Give Us Creative Control

Several times throughout the examination of fantasies, the element of control has come up. We get to control the events in the fantasy and in turn we can control the way our “dream life” plays out. They give us a chance to be creative, even if we can’t express that in reality. There are no limits to what we can accomplish in fantasy. The bigger the dream, the better the fantasy. We get to explore multiple options and ideas of how to reach our goals. This creativity sets us free to craft a plan without making a mistake that would most likely be costly to undo.

Many times in the real world, we are too pressured for time to work through problems throughly. We may look at a few options, but not throughly consider the outcomes. Taking advantage of the full depth of your creativity in your fantasies and daydreams actually makes it easier to carry ideas into your day to day activities.

Fantasies Open Our Minds To Possibilities

Without a doubt, fantasies make us feel good. Not only do they make us feel good, but they allow us to extend that feeling into all areas of our life. In fantasy, we get to connect all the dots and make everything work, not just a little part.

Feeling good then puts us in emotional balance. We can feel deeply and are just more content. This may not last for long, but it’s a great feeling when it does arrive. The more we feel the upsides, the easier it is to get through the downsides.

In turn emotional balance helps us feel hope that things will turn out well. Hope is a wonderful feeling. It’s the underlying feeling of motivation. It’s the power the drives us to do and not just plan. Hope will keep us moving even if the goal feels far away.

As the first step, fantasies are great for lifting us up.

The important next step when we feel that hope, is to set goals. Having goals, written out, means we are more likely to follow through on what we really want. Otherwise, we run the risk of sinking back into despair of the realities of “real life.”

Fantasies matter because they are more than just a pleasant way to pass the time. As I’ve shown throughout this series, dreams, daydreams, and sexual fantasies have possibilities hanging out beneath the surface. Tapping into those deeper meanings can be a powerful tool in our mental goal setting toolbox.

You may choose to simply enjoy your daydreams and sexual fantasies. Or, you may choose to examine them for clarity into what you really want. Either way, I hope your dreams come true and your goals are met.

If you have any comments, questions, or thoughts on this part or other parts in this series, please leave them for me below.

Photo Credits: Deep End by divinemisscopa; Ski Lift by Joe Shlabotnik

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

Yesterday, in Part 2, I discussed daydreams in light of how they can help us define our goals and pick out what we really want in life. Today, in Part 3, I want to discuss sexual fantasies in the same way, showing that they can be about so much more than simple pleasure.

Obviously, the first meaning that occurs to us about sexual fantasies is that we want a better sex life. However, there are sex fantasies that bear no resemblance to the way we wish our sex lives were – we firmly wish them to stay just fantasies. So, do we just choose these fantasies because they feel good? I believe that is an important element; however, there is a more important question: Why do they feel good? Because they aren’t just about sex – that’s just the overt message of the fantasy.

All creatures, humans not excepted, are sexual. Although society doesn’t talk about sex and sexuality very openly, it’s a primal part of who we are. Therefore, any desires that are not sexual, yet can be seen in our sexual fantasies, are very deep in our psyche and very much a part of our authentic self. I hope by examining the following common sexual fantasies, you understand why I believe this.

The Rape Fantasy

Anyone who has this fantasy will tell you that it’s not about being raped at all; it’s so commonly known that even the media will say so. Rape isn’t about sex at all. Rape is about domination, humiliation and violence. However, rape fantasies can be about desires that are very empowering.

1. Control over even the bad aspects of life. We all know that crap happens in life that we have no control over. Sure, we can control our reactions, but we don’t have control over whether it occurs in the first place. However, everything in a fantasy is controlled by the one imagining it. While the domination part of the fantasy may be arousing, the aspect of control is much more appealing. Also, because of this control aspect, in a fantasy the “attacked” can say no and it stops.

I’m sure a psychologist could take this even deeper and say that the one having the fantasy is projecting all their emotional baggage onto the perpetrator in the imagined scenario; however, that feels to be to be a bit of a stretch. After all, since it is a fantasy, the one imagining wouldn’t choose a partner whom they can’t stand in real life. Rather, they pick someone they like in real life, maybe even someone who “doesn’t know they exist.” This would be appealing because then they get to be…

2. Center of sexual attention. There is no doubt that the forceful domination in the fantasy makes the one having it the center of attention. It’s all about them and what is happening to them. In real life, many people feel that they aren’t being paid attention to. This doesn’t have to be in a sexual way, but that can be the most obvious. Having a fantasy where you are the center of attention allows you to have what you don’t have in real life.

Going a little deeper, when we’re not paid attention to, we get the message that we don’t matter. Especially in a sexual relationship, feeling like you matter is very important. If that element is lacking in real life, it’s very likely to show up in fantasy life.

3. Being able to express our primal, “impolite” and “improper” side. As I mentioned above, sex isn’t talked about openly in society. I wish this wasn’t so, but unfortunately, it is. While advertisers know that “sex sells,” they are the only ones really allowing sexuality free expression.

However, since our sexuality is such a part of us, we get very mixed messages about what is proper. Is it Okay to be sexual? Will we be looked down upon if we discuss sex?

There’s none of this debate in fantasy. Fantasy is as free to express sexuality as a person can get. The only limits are those of the individual. Since fantasies stay in our head, there’s no one to judge them, no one to tell us that we are being a “tramp” or worse. And, since a domination fantasy such as rape is beyond “vanilla sex”, it’s all the more appealing.

As you can see, although a rape fantasy may appear extreme and even unhealthy on the surface, it really masks much more empowering desires.

Center of Attention

This is a label I’m giving to a fantasy where the person is the one everyone approaches at the bar, or at a dance club. While this fantasy is sexual in nature, it may not actually involve sex itself. Also, as a woman, I can’t tell you if guys have this fantasy or not. I can only vouch for myself.

1. Being attractive. As someone who was teased as a child, being able to go into a crowded bar or dance club and be approached by lots of men is very appealing.

There is a strong allure to being seen as highly attractive, by not just one, but many potential partners. Of course, given this is a fantasy, all are attractive, but even if there are other beautiful people in the room that could be chosen, they are all ignored.

2. The ability to be charming, funny, and coy. In real life, if I was approached by an attractive man, aside from being polite about letting him know I’m married, I would be stumbling over my words and probably feel like I was embarrassing myself.

In fantasy, all of this goes away. All our jokes are funny, all our innuendos have the desired effect. We can even rewind the film of the fantasy and reword what we say if we think of a better way to phrase it. Our smiles and our body language just pull our potential partners closer. There is no need to fear being laughed at or ridiculed – no matter what, we will be admired.

3. Get to show off skills we may or may not have in real life. We get to be a pool shark, or a great poker player. We get to be good at darts, great and dancing, or know exactly which wine to pick.

I can sink a few pool balls, can play Texas Hold ‘Em for a hand or two, probably hit the dart board, walk onto the dance floor but not much else, and don’t really know the difference between a white and a blush. However, that’s in real life. In fantasy, I get to be good at all those things I only wish I was good at in real life. Added to the other points above, I don’t just get to do this alone in a pool hall, but to a chorus of cheers.

The main purpose of sexual fantasies is of course the sexual excitement. But, if others are like me, we tend to have our “favorites.” Whatever that favorite may be, it’s the one that appeals to us over and over. I believe that can’t be just because we know it works sexually.

I believe this is also because, even though we often aren’t aware of it, these fantasies have underlying elements that appeal to us just as much. These elements empower us in ways that we usually don’t have the chance to be in real life. Since empowerment is an important ingredient in getting what we most want in life, it can be very telling to examine our sexual fantasies.

Tomorrow is the last post in this series where I tie all the points I made together. I hope you have enjoyed this series so far, and I hope you’ll come back tomorrow for the final part.

If you have any thoughts or comments on this or any of the other two parts, please leave them below.

Photo Credits: Leopards by rodrigo senna; Black and White Glamor Photo by Lampeduza; Flirting by russelljsmith

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

Yesterday, I wrote about how daydreams and fantasies can point to what we really want in life. In Part 2, I want to discuss daydreams in particular.
We all have daydreams – fantasies played out while we are awake. These can take many forms – maybe we are wistful thinking about stepping outside and enjoying the sunlight. Maybe we play out a complex scenario that makes our life “perfect” or at least as close to it as humanly possible.

While it’s obvious that these daydreams show us a better life, one we would like to have, I believe that these daydreams are usually deeper, showing us more fundamental desires that we may not be aware of.

The Corner Office

Whenever I think about getting high up in a traditional business (i.e., not a web/online based one), I like to dream about a corner office. This office would have almost as much space as my two bedroom apartment. I picture being fairly high in a building and having large windows. I would have a contemporary glass desk, a really comfortable office chair, the latest computer with an LCD screen, and a sitting area.

While this daydream clearly shows a better life with more advanced furniture and electronics that I don’t currently have, this fantasy also points to a few more subtle ideas.

1. Recognition. No one gets to the corner office unless they are really high up in a company. The daydream, while possibly different from real life, has me as a respected member of the company. I regularly have visitors and I have an open door policy for all employees.

Having a corner office means you haven’t been held back by anything that could be considered negative (a fault) or something prejudiced against (race, religion, gender, sexual orientation.) For me, this means that I haven’t been overlooked because I’m a woman.

It also shows that we are recognized for our hard work and dedication to the company. We have respect we may very well not have in real life.

2. Financial Security. Those who have corner offices are not poor. They are generally able to afford whatever they want, even if they don’t want a mansion, sports car, or private school for their children.

In real life, executives with corner offices are often overworked, rarely see their families, and many have tremendous debt.

However, in a fantasy such as this, none of those downsides exist. We are free to jet off to the Caribbean if we want to. We no longer count money as one of our top concerns.

3. Supporting a cause we believe in. While in real life, we may stay with a company that isn’t completely in line with our goals, this is not the case in fantasy. In fantasy, our hard work, dedication, and perseverance is for a cause we truly believe in. The corner office is just the icing on the cake.

The Perfect Relationship

While I personally have a relationship that is about as “perfect” as I believe is possible, that hasn’t always been the case. The relationship I had with my ex-boyfriend had a lot of problems (after all, if it was great, I would have married him!)

Fantasies that our relationship was much better didn’t just include being happy and having the same goals. They also included other important aspects.

1. Unconditional love. Unfortunately, adult love is conditional. However, it’s possible to get really, really close to unconditional love. An unconditional love would be with someone who loves us no matter how much we make mistakes. They would tell us if we needed feedback, but they would judge our actions, not us personally. They wouldn’t belittle us or hurt us.

Obviously, this is a tall order. However, I believe that my frequent wishing and daydreaming about how my relationship could be better showed me clearly what I didn’t have then. Then, when I met and fell in love with John, who later became my husband, I was able to truly understand the power of this in my life.

2. Free from any worries about trust. A perfect relationship is one where we don’t fear letting the other person see the “real” us. We know that they won’t betray a confidence, and they will hold us when we are upset.

Trust is difficult to have in many situations. I’m sure I’m not alone in having had my trust violated in the past, in both romantic relationships and friendships.

When I fantasied about the perfect relationship, I didn’t realize that this was an underlying concern. However, the thoughts of telling my deepest secrets and wishes for the future without being laughed at show that I wished for this in my relationship.

3. Solid support. The desire to be able to share my dreams with my romantic partner and fearing to do so in real life shows that my fantasies about a perfect relationship meant I wanted support.

Unasked for advice and criticism will send many of us to a daydream where the other person claps as we get a degree or lose a few pounds. No matter what we choose to aim for, we know the other person will always be there.

The desire for this kind of backing often shows up in our fantasies, even if we don’t consciously realize it.

These two common daydreams are quite fun to engage in. While our real life may be nothing like a daydream, a daydream provides a pleasant escape. Many times, we may not even be aware of why the daydream is so pleasant. However, if we look a little deeper, we can see that daydreams show us we really want. And, when we know it, we have a much better chance of working to actually get it.

Tomorrow, I’ll look at other common fantasies – sexual fantasies. I suspect these types of fantasies are evaluated even less than daydreams. While daydreams can be pretty easy to figure out, many sexual fantasies don’t get examined any closer than “that’s just what I like.” But, I’m willing to take a chance and “crack the lid” to point out what they might really be showing us.

Please leave me your thoughts and comments on this post, or any posts in the series below.

Photo Credits: Clouds and Sun by abkfenris; Jet Plane by Cubbie_n_Vegas; Key and Heart by aussiegall

Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting

1. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 1
2. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 2
3. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 3
4. Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves – Part 4

The first step in any self improvement effort is to get clear about what you really want. While you may be able to start with only the outline of the end goal, you will soon have to set a firm goal. No matter what you are trying to accomplish, you need to know what you are shooting for. Then, even after you have defined your goals and are very clear about what you want, you aren’t completely done. You must still review them periodically to gauge your progress and confirm that you still want to work toward those specific goals.

But, what if you don’t know what you really want? How can you set goals that are clear and specific if your wishes for the future are a bit vague or fuzzy? One of the ways, and maybe the way that’s the most fun, is to examine your dreams and fantasies. I believe that they both point to our true desires – those things we really want in life.

Dreams

The other night, I had a dream, that like many dreams, was odd. However it was also telling. In this dream, I was moving around talking to people, but I was confident and secure. When I woke up, I realized that in the dream I was acting like I want to act, rather than how I usually act. I realized that it was my inner “kick ass chick” who was moving me around in the dream, rather than my inner “proper and polite” one.

I also realized that while daydreams and fantasies will point to what we really want in life, our “night” dreams hold important clues too. These clues are often harder to tease out, and you may not even be able to do so if you don’t remember your dreams upon awakening. However, if you do remember your dreams, I believe examining them can be a good tool to add to your toolbox of techniques for goal setting.

There are dozens of books (probably more) that talk about dream symbolism and interpreting your dreams. These are of value to many, but I’m not one of them. I find that looking for meaning behind “symbols” in my dream is tough and doesn’t really help.

On the other hand, looking at the events and attitudes (yours and others’) in the dream is a lot more useful. In general my dreams, no matter how weird, fall into 2 categories:

1. What I’ve been anxious about. This kind of dream leaves me feeling like I really didn’t sleep and wakes me up several times during the night.

I dream this way before a job interview, a meeting with an old friend, or going on a vacation. This is more of an anticipation mixed with nervousness dream. The more I’m looking forward to the event, the more likely I am to have this kind of dream.

Usually, this kind of dream doesn’t surprise me. After all, I know the event is coming up and I know whether I want to go or not. However, sometimes the events in the dream really point out to me something I wasn’t admitting.

For instance, I had a series of dreams before my last job interview in insurance. I knew I didn’t want to continue in insurance, but I really needed the job and I was willing to put aside my reservations to take a job since nothing else was looking promising. However, my dreams were full of twists and turns and a few of them bordered on nightmares. When I woke I talked to my husband about them and the job interview in general. After that conversation, I knew that even if they offered me the job, I wouldn’t take it. I went to the interview anyway, but before they had a chance to make their decision, I told the recruiter I couldn’t take the job.

2. A spring cleaning of my subconscious mind. This kind of dream is the weirdest of all. In this kind of dream, all kinds of little bits and pieces are put together in a disjointed whole that makes absolutely no sense when reviewed later. However, I can look at the dream and see how the various elements related to the thoughts I’d had over the past few days.

Unless I’ve been thinking about something a lot, like when I was reading the newest Harry Potter book, after the dream, I don’t think about those things anymore. That’s why I call these dreams spring cleaning. I find that they put to rest a lot of worries I’ve been having.

For instance, when I was helping to clean up the apartment I’m going to be moving into, I was overwhelmed by the amount of work that needed to be done. Whenever I talked about it to someone, I couldn’t stop thinking that it looked never-ending. Then, one night I had a dream about the apartment. As it turns out, I didn’t end up going back after that to work, but I also stopped thinking about it. I was at peace with how much work it was, and for the first time, I stopped worrying about whether it would be done in time.

These two types of dreams both settled anxiety, and they also showed me what I really wanted. In the first instance, it made it clear to me that I didn’t want to pursue a job in insurance, and in fact I wouldn’t even take a job if offered. In the second instance, it pointed out how I didn’t want to worry about something anymore. I brought to conscious awareness what I already knew deep down – that there really wasn’t a reason to worry, it would all work out.

Fantasies

Fantasies, on the other hand, are a lot easier to explain as showing us what we really want. Whether daydreams or sexual fantasies, they point to a better life that we don’t have in reality.

1. Fantasies allow us to control events. It wouldn’t be a very good fantasy if we didn’t make events go exactly the way we want them to. We get to be cool and confident. We have a great job, a great relationship, or any other situation that would make us happy (or happier.) We get to control all our thoughts and make them what we really want to think about.

If you follow the Law of Attraction, which says that like thoughts attract like thoughts and “thoughts become things”, fantasizing fits right in with this. Fantasies become visualizations as we focus on exactly what we want and set our intention to attract these things into our life.

Fantasies are literally “our dream life.”

2. Fantasies evoke pleasant feelings. I can’t imagine fantasizing or daydreaming about something that scared me. Perhaps to turn it around and make it go my way, but not usually. After all, they are called day “dreams” and not day “nightmares.” Therefore, we like fantasizing. We are happier in our fantasies and they make us feel good (especially if they are sexual.)

Any time we deliberately boost our mood, we are more likely to carry that mood with us for awhile. When we are in a good mood, feeling happy, or at least pleasant, we are much more likely to be connected to our innermost self, our authenticity.

Our authentic self knows what we really want. Our authentic self also has the motivation to get that for real. I’m sure I’m not the only one who doesn’t spend a lot of my day really motivated to pursue something. Most of the time (although this is getting to be a smaller % of the time), I am very aware of the inner critic listing all the reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t pursue my dreams.

Being able to get in touch with our authentic self, whether through the realizations of dreams we have while asleep, or through our deliberate fantasies, reveals what we really want in life. Because of this, they can be an important self improvement tool. Whether you work with the Law of Attraction deliberately or not, I think you can agree that being in a good mood and pursing our real passions is the best way to live our lives.

Tomorrow, I’ll examine daydreams in more detail, through several examples of daydreams we have probably all had. In addition to connecting us with our authentic selves and giving us a way to visualize desired outcomes, daydreams can show us even more desires lurking under the surface that we probably aren’t even aware of. This deepens the experience even more.

If you have any comments or thoughts on these ideas, I welcome your input below.

Photo Credits: Shapes by SantaRosa OLD SKOOL; Twisted Fabric by PPDIGITAL; Control Key by renatotarga

Table of contents for Sunk Costs

1. The Sunk Cost Fallacy And Self Improvement – Part 1
2. The Sunk Cost Fallacy And Self Improvement – Part 2

Yesterday, in Part 1, I discussed what the sunk cost fallacy is and how it applies to self improvement. In Part 2, I address the question:

Why do we keep going?

There are many, many people who don’t hold onto things that aren’t working. For every person who holds onto something that isn’t working there are probably several that are giving up before something really starts working. I know that I’ve been guilty of doing both at the same time – I’ll stick with a diet long past it’s expiration date in my life, but switch exercise routines every couple of weeks. Why do we switch on some things, but hold on in others?

1. It worked in the past. This is probably the biggest reason. If something doesn’t work for us at all, we are likely to give up. However, if a particular routine does have results, even if only small ones, we are more likely to stick with it. The problem comes when we stick with it even though it’s no longer bringing truly meaningful results. We hold onto the belief that it’s us who is messing up, not that the method doesn’t work long term.

2. We don’t want to admit that we aren’t making progress. Because we achieved results when we started a particular process, we don’t want to let go of the fact that it isn’t still working – we may celebrate victories so small we can convince ourselves that they are significant when they really aren’t. Maybe we don’t want to admit it because we’ve talked it up to everyone and told them how much it’s helping. We will feel like a failure if we give up. Again, it’s the method that’s failed, not us, but we don’t want to say so.

3. We don’t want to have our efforts have been a “waste”. The financial side of the sunk cost fallacy may be at work here. If we’ve bought books, paid for training sessions, or paid for therapists, we don’t want our money to be “for nothing.” On the other hand, maybe we haven’t invested money, but we’ve invested time. In this way, we’ve contributed a lot of hard work to the effort and we don’t want our hard work to be “for nothing” either. Again, psychologically, we find fault with ourselves, and not with the method.

4. We don’t want to put in the hard effort of finding a way that does work. Once we’ve committed to a particular method and put in time, effort and maybe even money, we feel more pain leaving than we do sticking with it. We don’t want to “start at the bottom” again with a new method. For instance, if we are working with a therapist, even if it’s not working, we have developed a certain level of rapport with that therapist. I know one of the reasons I was reluctant to switch was because I would have to face that fear of letting down my barriers again. It was easier (for a time at least) to stay where I was least a little comfortable than to switch and be totally uncomfortable again.

5. We’re too close to see that it doesn’t make sense to continue. Here’s the saddest and hardest part to face. Sometimes we stick with something simply because we can’t see that it’s not really working. As I said above, we may be making enough progress to make us confident that it is working. However, someone on the outside can see that we should “cut our losses” and switch to something else. They may see that we are fighting for every half pound lost and it’s making us into total jerks. They may be able to see that our exercise routine is stressing us out as we cut out time with our friends to fit it in to a limited schedule. They may see that we are sad more of the time than when we started therapy, but don’t want to offend us if we justify it by saying “I’m processing some really heavy stuff right now.”

Combating The Sunk Cost Fallacy

Unfortunately, with finances or with other aspects of self improvement, the sunk cost fallacy is easy to slip into and hard to get out of. Not impossible, however. The next time you are struggling with a particular method I encourage you to sit down and really think about it. Are you getting the results you hoped to get? If not, is it truly because you aren’t “working hard enough at it”, or is it likely that it just isn’t working long term? Most likely, it’s the method and not you.

If you still aren’t sure, ask a friend or family member if they think you are changing for the better. Tell them you want an honest evaluation because you want to know if you should continue. You don’t want to give up if you are simply discouraged, but you don’t want to spend any more time if it’s stopped working.

In my own life, I’ve faced several down times over the past few months. When I first started on my medication, I was sure it wasn’t working (before I got to the sweet point where I thought it had totally reversed all my problems.) My husband noted that it was helping me. He told me I was a lot more balanced and didn’t slip into that “pit of despair” place. Therefore, I realized I was simply discouraged and not buying into the sunk cost fallacy.

In the case of Weight Watchers, I finally realized that the program wasn’t serving me. I had convinced myself for months that I wasn’t working the program strictly enough. However, when I took a good hard look at it, I could see that it wasn’t the program, but rather my own body’s need for different kinds of foods that was making the method not work. (Weight Watchers is mostly a fat controlled diet, but I need a carb controlled diet. Unfortunately, when you lower the fat, you raise the carbs, which was the opposite of what I really needed.)

As you can see, I’ve been caught up in the sunk cost fallacy myself. However, now that I realize it, it’s a lot easier to be on the lookout and avoid stepping into the trap again.

Have you done this in your life? I would love to hear your story, or any other thoughts in the comments below.

Photo Credits: Hand Holding onto Pole by thalling55; Handprint In The Sand by Kyknoord; Soldier by nukeit1; Fork In The Road by i_yudai