Teaching

I had this idea for a series of posts on fear. I would talk about the fear I have that’s holding me back from reaching my dreams of being an activist. I imagined discussing fear that it’s too late, fear that no one cares, and fear that it’s too much and I’ll just give up. I started to write that series. I got the first part done, and a few sentences into the second part, I hit this wall of anger at the United States Government that my post, had I published it as it was, might have gotten me arrested as a terrorist.

Photo by sternezeichen

See, fear underlies so many things in this country. At least that’s what I perceive. The government has done so many things that I disagree with my head is spinning. It’s gotten me so scared that I wonder why I even fight for the environment – shouldn’t I be fighting for something more immediate? Civil rights for my friends? A better economy so I can afford to buy food, let alone organic food? I have the baseline of fear whenever I start to think about the environment because it leads to bigger fears about the direction of this country and all the problems with our political system.

Not Everyone Agrees

Of course, there are many Americans who agree with me. And many who do not. And then there are many who aren’t Americans who don’t understand those who don’t agree with me, and those who don’t understand where I’m coming from. I mean, who am I to speak out against my government? Don’t I have many good things in life? Aren’t I privileged?

It’s difficult for me to speak about my fear without also speaking of my political views. I’m afraid that it’s too late to reverse the worst of the environmental damage. I’m afraid that I’m the only one who cares and that I can’t make a difference. I’m afraid that I’ll get overwhelmed and give up. And I’m terrified by the staggering facts and statistics on what is wrong, as well as the hold that the religious right and big business has. I’m terrified of the outcome of the next presidential election. But more than anything else, I’m terrified that there isn’t any hope left.

How Do We Keep Hope?

When cities are filled with crime, people don’t have health insurance and they can’t afford to buy milk and bread, why should they care about the environment? When we stand up and speak passionately, elect someone we believe will improve us, and ancient rules that don’t make any sense in the computer age make the results irrelevant, how do we keep hope?

How do we find the money to support environmental efforts when taxes are raised to bomb the middle east? How do we fight for health care for everyone when the government only cares about settling an old debt? How do the few who care fight against the many who feel somehow entitled to rape and pillage? Who feel that they are here on this Earth to do with it what they please? How do we keep hope that things can get better?

These are some of the questions I’ve struggled with this week. Not only struggled to answer for myself, but struggled to articulate for my readers. I’m certain I’m not alone, but there are times it feels that way.

But, I Haven’t Given Up Yet

Yet, I’m still writing. I haven’t given up. That must mean that I still have a little bit of hope left. And until that hope dies, I’ll keep fighting. Because I can’t give up. Too many have already done that before me. I’ll keep fighting, not only for the environment, but for what’s right.

If any part of what I said hit a chord with you, I invite you to leave a comment below.