Table of contents for Cat's Wisdom

1. 5 Things I Learned About Life From My Cat

Cats are perceptive creatures. Anyone who has a cat knows that sometimes, they just “know” something without us understanding why. They have a variety of wise faces, letting us know that they hold the key to the secrets of the universe.

Or at least that’s the way cat owners like me interpret how our cats gaze at us. They may be just wondering if it’s too soon to ask for dinner or playtime. Or, just maybe, they are wiser than us.

Whether they have figured out the secrets of the universe or not, I know I have learned a thing or two about how I could live my life better from observing my cat.

1. Sleep is needed to be in top form. My cat, Midnight, is a bit crazy sometimes. She will wake up from a pretty deep sleep, and less than 10 minutes later is running around the house at top speed. She’ll race between the balcony door and the window in the bedroom. If she gets a chance, she’ll pick up a toy to carry with her along the way. I understand this type of behavior is typical for a cat, as is sleeping most of the time.

I hear frequently that humans need 7-8 hours of sleep (I’ve discovered I personally need 8). Studies have been done that show we lose mental ability and physical coordination as we go without sleep. Like many, I’ve doubted this was true for me, as I’ve been able to function well without the 8 hours of sleep. However, from watching Midnight, I can see that if I wake her up suddenly, she’s slow. If she wakes up on her own she’s in top form. In the same way, if I’m woken up suddenly, or before the 8 hours, I am sluggish as well. If I wake on my own after 8 hours of sleep, I’m sleepy at first, but I’m much quicker to become fully awake.

The lesson? We should pay attention to our pets more – they know how much sleep they need and aren’t afraid to get it.

2. Ask for what you want even if others don’t understand you – in time they will. Midnight is a very vocal cat. She asks us for things all the time. When we first got her, she would wake us up in the middle of the night. While we’ve trained her to leave us alone through the night, she still insists on waking me up if she’s hungry. In a way, she’s trained me to get out of bed right away and fill her bowl. (Thankfully, she doesn’t push it unless her bowl really is empty.)

She also tells us all the time that she wants – something. For awhile, John and I couldn’t figure out what she was asking for, then we realized she wanted to be let out onto the balcony. She is nuts about going outside on the balcony; she even insisted when it was snowing once (although she didn’t stay out long when she realized how cold it was!)

Humans have the benefit of being able to actually speak. We can ask for what we want; however, that doesn’t guarantee that the other person will understand. We have the ability to explain, and often we do so. But, I know there are times that I’ve given up explaining and either done the task myself, or decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

But, there are many things that we really do want, and we need the help of others to get it. In my own life, I’ve had to change doctors at least a dozen times to find one that was willing to listen to me and understand exactly what kind of treatment I wanted. In this case, it wasn’t a matter of giving up – although I did go through periods where I just didn’t see the doctor because I was tired of switching. In the end, I kept asking, knowing that there must be someone out there who would eventually understand.

3. Be generous with appreciation and love when others pay attention to you. Midnight is the only cat I can remember noticing is super quick to start purring. Often she will start purring before she even settles down to get petted. Simply by speaking to her she starts purring. She knows that we will pet her, or play with her and she very much appreciates us doing so.

How many times do we take someone for granted? In the past several months, I’ve been making a conscious effort to say “Thank you” whenever someone helps me out. When I spend time with friends, I will thank them for hanging out with me and/or for supporting me. I also am pleased when someone thanks me for helping them out or spending time with them. Appreciation of the other people in our life is important and should not be overlooked. My cat doesn’t take me for granted, and I do my best to follow her example and not take my friends and family for granted either.

4. Play often – it’s an integral part of life. Cats seem to have three modes: sleep, cuddle, or play. I count “stalking” in the play category because Midnight is great at catching dry leaves and only so so at catching flies. She’s not afraid to act crazy and doesn’t even slow down if we trip over her accidentally. Her attitude is: get out of my way, can’t you see I’m playing here?

We could all take a lesson from cats (and dogs as well): there is nothing wrong with wanting to play. So many times we justify our desire to play: I’ve had a hard day; I needed some “me” time; I deserve a break. What’s wrong with saying, “I’m busy right now, it’s time to play?”

Of course, as adults, we have responsibilities and we can’t play whenever we want to. But, aside from that, we often put off play because we think it’s not “important” or a “waste of time.” Well, I say we should forget that. We should hang up the guilt and “shoulds” and just play.

5. Asking for help doesn’t make you loved any less. Obviously, cat’s can’t feed themselves. They can’t change their own litter boxes either. They have to ask their humans to do these things for them. As I mentioned above, Midnight isn’t shy about asking for what she wants. Even if we don’t’ feel like giving it to her (she wants to play and we are watching TV for example), she knows that we are still going to love her. We’re not going to get rid of her or stop paying attention to her.

However, when it comes to our human relationships, many people are afraid to ask for help. They don’t want to look weak or want to admit that they can’t do something without help. But here’s the thing: we all need help at some point or other. When we were babies we didn’t hesitate to ask for food or a change. Yet, as adults we are reluctant to ask for assistance. Clearly, this reluctance is a learned behavior. However, I didn’t learn this from my cat. In fact, Midnight showed me just the opposite – I shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help if I need it.

This post is a bit silly, and was a lot of fun to write. While most of us don’t get life lessons from our pets, it’s true that they can show us how silly we are sometimes. True, pets don’t have the same reasoning abilities as humans, but that may be the reason why they can show us so much. They don’t let reasoning and logic get in the way of their innate nature. We should do the same more often.

If you have any comments or thoughts, I invite you to leave them below.

Table of contents for Fighting Litter

1. Fighting Litter Through Psychology – Part 1
2. Fighting Litter Through Psychology – Part 2

Yesterday, I started this series with the first 3 of 6 reasons why I think people may dump trash. I don’t know why individuals do, but I’m taking a guess at some of the excuses and coming up with ways that we can work to solve this issue by confronting others’ beliefs.

4. They Figure Someone Else Will Do It

Why was there more trash within steps of the parking lot than ½ hour into the forest? Surely taking the 20 steps back to your car instead of tossing your trash isn’t that terribly hard?

When I first started going to Panera Bread, it wasn’t clear whether we were supposed to clear the tables ourselves or have someone else pick it up. This was confused by the fact that sometimes an employee does offer to take your tray. I had the same confusion at Fudruckers, where you are actually supposed to leave your tray for someone to pick up.

However, I feel guilty whenever I leave behind trash I could have thrown away myself. There must be others who don’t feel this way. Many restaurants clear the table for you and if you eat out frequently, I imagine it isn’t that difficult to carry the same mindset to the rest of your life. There are also those who are arrogant who deliberately leave trash for someone else to pick up, as if throwing away their stuff is beneath them.

This mindset is hard to justify when out in the woods or on a parking lot, but unfortunately, it’s true. There will always be someone else who comes behind to pick it up. My suggestions from Part 1 apply to the person who leaves trash for someone else. I also encourage you to instill a sense of responsibility in your children, so they too will grow up with the same sense of guilt that I have when I leave trash for someone else.

5. They Are Protesting The Lack Of Trash Cans

Do people think that if you throw it hard enough you get more points? Is the world a better place if your soda can gets three trees away instead of just off the trail? What’s up with that?

This excuse is arrogant and spiteful. It doesn’t help anyone except the person doing it, and it doesn’t make sense when you can take trash with you to a trash can. However, in the spirit of seeing things from another’s perspective, I can see that this would apply to teenagers or those who aren’t mature. The feeling that common rules don’t apply to them and anarchy is cool could very well lead someone to throw trash for fun.

So, what can we do? Remind litterers to throw away their trash. Appeal to the “saving the environment is cool” vibe that, to me, seems stronger the younger you are. Ask teenagers if they need help?

Here’s a true story. A year or so ago, there were some kids in my complex who would hang out and play. No big deal. However, there was one girl who screamed. Over and over again. Not the yelling to stop tickling her or pushing her or whatever, but a scream that should be reserved for injury. So, one day, I got sick and tired of hearing it over and over. I walked outside and asked them if someone was dying. They of course retorted with a snarky comment, complete with fainting theatrics. However, I persisted. I said, “Seriously, do you need me to call an ambulance? With screams like that it sounds like someone is in pain.” The answer was of course “No.”

Well, I’m sure I became the crazy lady up the street, but guess what? I never heard another scream. The point of the story is that teenagers, or preteens, as these kids were, will listen. No matter who you are, if you say it the right way, they will take notice. If only because they don’t want you interrupting them again!

6. They Don’t Know That Littering Is Wrong

I’m going to give my readers the benefit of the doubt that you are smart, caring folks who take your trash with you if there is no can, or put it in the can if there is one.

This is just sad, if it’s true. However, someone who doesn’t know this, I hope is young enough, or disabled enough, to have someone who does know around to do it for them. If that’s not the case, all I can think to do is sigh, grumble if you have to, and throw away the trash. Then, be thankful that it’s just an empty cup or fast food bag and not something worse (of course, something worse I wouldn’t touch!)

By no means do I consider myself perfect or claim that I don’t do things wrong sometimes. However, I promise that I deposit my trash in a trash can or other recepticle. Unfortunately, this is not always the case with others. While I don’t know what they are thinking, I’ve done my best to come up with the excuses that they might give me if I was to confront them.

We all know that ditching trash anywhere but a trashcan isn’t right. But so many people get away with it. It’s up to the rest of us to take up the slack. So, I hope you will join me in gently setting others right and if you can’t then doing the right thing yourself. We all thank you.

Photo Credits: Maid by unusualimage; Teenagers Playing by tinou bao; Newborn baby by bf5man

Table of contents for Fighting Litter

1. Fighting Litter Through Psychology – Part 1
2. Fighting Litter Through Psychology – Part 2

Trash ticks me off. Not the fact that it exists. No the fact that so many lazy, shortsighted people don’t bother to take a few extra minutes to put it where it belongs.

Thus began the very first post on this blog, entitled Trash Ticks Me Off. In this post, I got angry at the number of people who leave trash everywhere, not bothering to put it in trash cans or take it with them out of the forest and off the hiking trails. While getting angry can make for good writing, I suspect this is a rant that people have heard before. But, I wondered is there a way to understand why people do these things?

There is always another side to any story; it’s in the nature of being human to regularly only see things only from our point of view. So, I deliberately worked to imagine the scenario from the litterer’s point of view. I can think of 6 reasons why people would dump trash; none of which are anything but excuses. My first post was full of anger, but I wonder if there is perhaps more value in protesting the behavior from the point of view of “you get more flies with honey than with vinegar?”

Today I will discuss the first 3 of these reasons, and some ideas I’ve had on how to combat those who have these ideas. Tomorrow, I’ll finish up with the last three.

1. Litterers Don’t Care

We passed all kinds of trash on our hike: paper cups, soda cans, old clothes, plastic bags, empty bottles of motor oil – I kid you not – beer cans, cigarette wrappers and butts.

There are a significant number of people in the world who think only about themselves. This is unfortunate. As we all know, this attitude is anything but helpful. However, I wonder if the folks who are seen as being self centered are really as arrogant as they appear. After all, many of these folks have families and friends, so they can’t be that way all the time.

If these folks truly don’t care, perhaps they don’t have time to bother, there must be a way to appeal to them. Mention the fines involved, but that may not work, because it is unlikely that they will be caught. Instead of detailing the negative consequences, perhaps appealing to their self centered nature is the better way to go.

One of my favorite lines from Ghostbusters is where Dr. Venkman appeals to the Mayor by saying, “And, Lenny, if I’m right, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.” Self centered people care about their image. Tell them that by picking up litter they are making themselves look good. Tell them that they will be seen as clean and neat. Compliment them on their desire to help out society (even if you suspect they don’t have such a feeling.) I don’t know if these strategies will indeed work, but I suspect they have a better chance than railing against being a litterer and having them tune us out.

2. They Get Distracted Before They Have A Chance To Throw Trash Away

Yesterday, my husband and I picked up a discarded fast food bag and cup and walked them to the – wait for it – TRASH CAN – only 2 parking spaces away.

This excuse may not be that far fetched. I know several people who get distracted on a regular basis. They forget where they put their wallet; it wouldn’t be a stretch to think that they might forget to throw trash away. This doesn’t explain trash deep in the woods where it clearly was thrown, but it might explain random cups on parking lots. Maybe they started out on the roof of cars and fell off as the person drove away.

If you know the person with the trash, it’s easy to say something along the lines of “don’t forget to dump your tray.” If you don’t know the person, this isn’t as easy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it anyway. If you do decide to go this route, do remember to keep your tone light and positive, almost joking. No one wants to be yelled at or made to think that someone is nasty. Most people I know don’t mind a stranger’s comment when said in a friendly manner.

Another option, especially if you work somewhere that has a trash problem, may be to post a friendly reminder. Again, they should be worded nicely. I like jokes better than directives. Maybe pick something totally off the wall, like Hello Kitty or Sponge Bob Squarepants asks you to throw your trash away. True there will always be someone who thinks this is stupid. However, I bet they grouse about the sign, but still throw their trash away. Of course, this will go better in some offices than others, so it is up to your discretion.

3. They Are Having A Picnic And The Wind Blows Away Items

We’ve been back to hike several times since then, and each time we bring a trash bag. Just this past weekend, we took 3 bags of trash out of the forest and back to “civilization.” We would have brought more, but a lot of it was hard to reach.

More than once, I’ve been dining outside when the wind has lifted something from the table. Then, a chase ensued to capture the plates and napkins before they could escape too far. I know there were probably a few here and there that didn’t get caught. I know I’m not the only one who has this problem.

There are of course many ways to avoid this. Clips are sold to hold down tablecloths. Napkin dispensers come with a weight, or you could switch to cloth napkins. Use thick plastic plates instead of foam or paper. Since they can be washed, the environment will thank you too. Or, you could use rocks picked up at the site to weigh things down. Bring paper weights from home or use toddler toys.

This is perhaps the most forgivable of all the reasons trash ends up somewhere other than a trashcan. However, that doesn’t excuse not running after windblown items. I find that most people don’t want picnic items to blow away, if only because napkins can end up on burgers or plates flipped onto the front of shirts. I would encourage you to help other picnic-ers if you see them struggling and to use weights yourself when picnic-ing.

Some of the “solutions” above seem very silly, but I don’t mean to make it sound like the dumping for trash is not a serious problem. I am willing to be silly or polite, or helpful if it will keep my world cleaner. I certainly hope there are others out there who feel the same way.

Tomorrow, I’ll discuss the last 3 reasons I came up with why people won’t put their trash in proper trash cans. In the meantime, I look forward to reading your comments below.

Photo Credits: Opposite signs on tree by Dano; Empty Podium by merfam; Trash Sign by billy verdin; Picnic by theogeo

Photo by arquera

A good friend of mine, one of the groomsmen in my wedding as a matter of fact, is in the hospital with an infection in his lungs. I didn’t think that I was as upset as I am until my psychiatrist asked me how I’ve been the past few weeks. I mentioned that my friend is in the hospital, and then I started crying. While the doctor assures me he will be fine (in a weird twist he knew who I was talking about because we are both his patients, although I didn’t tell him my friend’s name), I still can’t help worrying.

In order to distract myself from those thoughts, I started thinking about this blog and the post I wrote yesterday about changing the past. I thought about a friend of mine from college and how things could have been very different if I had been confident enough to speak up about my feelings. This line of thought led me to a number of realizations, and a flood of tears.

The Past Becomes Clear

I finally, over 12 years later, realized that the friend I thought had been pushing me away really cared very much for me. At the time, I thought he didn’t want to date me. In retrospect, I see that he probably did but was too afraid to say so. I took his actions as rejection and concluded that he thought I was ugly, clingy, or stupid. So many events that I had interpreted as there being something wrong with me, I now see were really me getting it all wrong.

While dating this friend may never have happened, even if I had realized he didn’t think there was something wrong with me, my whole relationship with him was a missed opportunity. After college, we went our separate ways, something coming between us. I regret so many things about this relationship with the wisdom of hindsight, but my biggest regret is that I lost a good friend.

I could cry about this for several hours more, I’m sure. But, as I said before, I can’t change the past. In order to move forward, I choose instead to remember what I learned from my introspection this afternoon.

1. No matter what, there is always another side to the story. In college all I could see was my hurt. My friend said, “I’m sorry,” and I thought he was trying to let me down easy. What I realize now is that he was apologizing for hurting me. He wasn’t brushing me off, rather he really did care about how I felt. I was so sure there was something wrong with me, I couldn’t see events from his perspective. I probably ended up hurting him too, without even realizing it.

2. True friends always find a way to show you they care, even if you don’t realize it at first. So many little things can be interpreted in different ways. For instance, my friend offered to beat up another guy from my past. At the time, all I could think was that was a dumb offer because he would have been going up against someone from the military, 2 inches taller, and 50 pounds heavier. Besides, who was he kidding? He’d hurt me worse. How could I have been so blind? I didn’t see that he was willing to risk physical harm to defend me. If he didn’t care, why would he bother?

3. Realizing your mistakes allows you to grieve. I deeply regret not seeing his side of the story. I also deeply regret all the times I told myself that I was broken and worthless. I was young, although I would have argued it at the time. I was away from home, meeting new people, not that wise. I was vulnerable, mostly to myself. The hardest part of this whole tale is accepting that I was so cruel to myself when there was no reason to be. I pushed away someone I cared about and who cared about me because I was still convinced the childhood taunts were true.

4. Do everything you can to hold onto the people that matter most; don’t let true friends slip away. I can’t go back in time and apologize to my friend. It is possible that I could look him up now and reconnect. However, it’s been at least 8 years since I talked to him last. I’m not sure if it’s really a good idea to open old wounds just so I can get my own healing. That seems unfair to me. On the other hand, I have friends now who I can hold onto. My friend in the hospital, for instance. I hadn’t talked to him for a few months before I learned he was sick. Since then I’ve been to see him every couple of days at least. I know he appreciates it, even if he doesn’t expressly say so. (A big clue is refusing to let me go even if it’s clear he needs rest.)

There are several phrases that we hear often enough for them to be cliches: Learn from your mistakes; Hindsight is 20/20; With age comes wisdom. However, they wouldn’t have gotten to be cliches if there wasn’t an element of truth to them. I’ve realized today that there is a lot of truth. I’ve looked at a friendship from the past and finally understood how wrong I was about the way I thought it happened. I confronted some old self negativity and understood how wrong I was about that too.

Every time we examine the things we tell ourselves, we get that much closer to understanding why we act the way we do. When we examine a history of those same messages, we can see the patterns that emerge. All of this knowledge helps us change the future because we have no way to change the past.

Woman Crying Photo by MegElizabeth_; Rear View Mirror Photo by Winstonavich

Photo by Delgoff [VOSTFR]

Turns out, there are lots of ways: searching, shopping, chatting, playing, and even a few more click to give sites. I’ve rounded up all the ones I could find. If I missed any, please let me know in the comments and we can build up a comprehensive list.

More Click To Give Sites

This site is primarily dedicated to saving land: South American Rain Forest, Nature Preserves, Wilderness, and Coastal Habitats. However, they also have buttons to click to offset CO2 and plant trees. Register with the site and “…donate 500 sq. ft. of land! By registering, you will be able to view your personal donation totals, receive weekly updates with news about changes to the EcologyFund.com web site and get a daily E-News summary with environmental news from around the world.” In addition to daily clicks, the site has information about how you can help more, resources on various environmental topics and travel information (to endangered areas like the Amazon Basin.)

Clicking helps numerous causes from Global Warming to Breast Cancer Research. Very similar to the set up at The Animal Rescue Site; however, at Care2, you can register and keep track of your personal donations. This section is part of a larger website: “Care2 provides powerful tools to make a difference in your life, community, country and world. It’s driven by passionate people (just like you) who want to restore the world’s balance.” They have e-cards, news, green living tips and more.

This site has two causes you can help by clicking: The Rainforest, and Baby Chimps. In addition to clicking this site features Nature Posters, e-cards, a natural living center with resources on natural products, organic foods, etc., an environmental section with lots of information, and a “fun stuff online” section with quizzes, a screen saver and more.

Designed as a one stop shop for all the click to donate sites around the web. Although the sites mentioned above have a showing on One Click At A Time, there were a few areas of the sites above that don’t have a link. Also, don’t forget that by going directly to the sites above you can register for keeping track of your personal donations. However, give One Click At A Time a try since it links to lots of other sites I didn’t list above.

Searching

When I began researching sites that donate to charity as you search, I found several. I had compiled a list of four or five when I stumbled across Maki at DoshDosh (usually a make money online site) who did a comprehensive post on charity donations through searching. Rather than reinvent the wheel, I direct you to that post:

15 Charity Search Engines that help you give money to charity for free.

Scattered Roundup of Sites

Games – Free Rice donates 20 grains of rice for each word you get correct in a definition game. This game is so addictive I got to 240 grains of rice donated before I remembered I was working on a blog post!

Chat – Windows Live Messenger has a feature where you can pick your charity that will be donated to as you use the program. I haven’t used instant messenger since 2001 (before Google Talk and Skype) so I can’t report back on how it work. However, if I start using IM again, I’ll try this service out first.

Shopping

I found eight online shopping sites that donate to charity when you shop. Since they access several well known retailers (see individual listings for details), the prices are what you would pay direct. So, why not give back at the same time?

This site has a partnership with Amazon.com, and a twist. As they explain: “Think of the power of a large database that collects information about how corporations behave and then integrates that data directly into the shopping experience. When you are about to purchase a TV, shoes, socks or an IPOD you can not only consider the price and the quality of the product, but can easily see what kind of behavior we are “buying into”.”

This site allows you to pick your charity and then shop to donate. Some of the stores available for shopping are iTunes, eBay, and Gap. The site also has widgets that can be placed on blogs, MySpace, and Facebook to promote shopping on Giveness.

Another shopping site where you choose your charity and then shop at numerous stores including Home Depot, QVC, and Staples. The site is also running a contest where they are giving away 5 $1,000 awards to charities each month through June 2008. Awards are based on the number of times a charity is shopped for, each store visited per month counts as one entry. Neat incentive to use this site for multiple shopping trips.

100% of proceeds fund the Cancer Research Foundation. This site also has resources for businesses who want to hold their own fundraising events and resources for individuals to donate more than just through shopping.

2-12% of purchase price goes to your cause of choice. With over 275,000 organizations to choose from, this one is pretty comprehensive. A neat feature of this site is the “Random Kindness” button which randomly chooses a cause if you don’t want to search for a specific cause. Shops include Barnes & Noble, eToys, and Travelocity.

This one is close to my heart personally. A portion of the proceeds go to animal shelters. Choose a specific shelter or let all your proceeds be distributed across shelters by the Bring Pets Home organization. Shops include Sierra Trading Post, Gaiam, WalMart, Macy’s, and Overstock.

Allows you to choose your cause and add to the list if not found. Although GiveandShop doesn’t have a huge list of stores, they have an easy to use store registration form to add stores. In addition, they personally review all charities to make sure that they are legitimate and meet high ethical standards.

Again, you can choose the cause you support. The twist added by this organization: “Whatever you want to buy, GOOSHING takes you to the most ethical brand choices – and then our Price Search function takes you to the very cheapest place to buy that product from our 350 participant retailers.”

And there you have it – several more ways to make a difference as you use your computer. You were surfing, chatting, playing, searching, and clicking anyway, right?

Table of contents for Friends

1. Connecting With Friends And Influencing Each Other
2. How To Keep Helping When No One Else Wants To
3. Gone But Not Forgotten – Life Lessons & Former Friends
4. Helping A Friend The Best Way We Can
5. Volunteer For Designated Driver

Have you ever been confronted with a very good reminder of why being the designated driver is a good idea?

Photo by glennharper

When I was in college, I participated in an anonymous survey about students’ drinking and driving habits. I had an opportunity to see some responses from my classmates and I was shocked at the number who admitted to consuming multiple drinks and then driving. Although I was usually the designated driver for my friends, the survey convinced me to continue.

We’ve all heard the horror stories and we’ve all seen the public service announcements. We know, deep down, that drinking and driving is a bad idea. But, so many still do it. Is the answer to continue the focus on not doing it, or on something else? Often, hearing the word “don’t” makes us want to do it. So, instead, what if we focused on spreading the word about how important it is to declare yourself as the designated driver? And not just when a friend is drunk – but before you even leave the house to go out. I know from personal experience that declaring yourself as the designed driver at the start of the evening results in no conflicts for the keys. In fact, I’ve found it’s just the opposite – the evening runs pretty smoothly.

Volunteering Isn’t As Bad As You May Think

Oh, I know – being the designated driver isn’t sexy. It means you don’t get to “party.” So what? I found joy in knowing I was possibly saving my friends’ lives while still spending time with them. The bar my friends and I frequented in college had a ping pong table, pool table, and two dart boards in the back. Instead of drinking, I worked on my ping pong, pool, and dart throwing abilities.

Admittedly, there is a downside to being the designated driver as well: when your friends go beyond the few drinks and into the sick stage. I don’t know how prevalent this is after college, but I know it was quite frequent when I was in college. More times than I could count, my friends drank too much and ended up getting sick. Once, a friend was very sick – way beyond drunk and funny to the “should we worry?” stage. Luckily, he was OK, but this was a night I was very glad that I was driving him.

Unexpected Benefits

Then there were those moments when being the designated driver meant I got to be more than just the one with the keys; I got to be a sympathetic ear as well. For instance, once, a friend forgot something at his house and I was called upon to drive him to home to retrieve it. Away from the rest of the guys at the bar, he was able to talk about something that was bothering him. Given that I can’t remember what he needed to retrieve, I suspect that the need to vent was his main reason for leaving and I’m glad I was able to provide advice as well as driving skills.

Did I always enjoy being the designated driver? No. Would I do it over again? Yes. Granted, I rarely drink, so maybe I was the obvious choice for designated driver. On the other hand, because of the respect I got from always being willing to step up and do the job, when I did want to drink, my friends paid attention. Someone else was willing to step in, or we just decided to stay home.

In the end, I don’t know if continued focus on the drinker will make the difference it needs to. However, I do believe that also focusing on the benefits of being the designated driver can make an impact. We all know intoxicated drivers are a problem. Won’t you join me in stepping into the role of designated driver and becoming part of the solution?

Photo by Ametxa

There may be a few I haven’t met yet, but for the rest of us, I’ve compiled a list of 20, no cost ways to take us through the holiday season and beyond. Easy to do now, and easy to keep doing well into the new year.

1. Hold the door for someone. I do this routinely, but am still amazed at the number of people who don’t think about it and let the door close in another’s face.

2. Only honk at other drivers in an emergency to avoid a collision. Until car makers invent the “polite cough” horn, honking is so startling to the other driver, it should really be saved for crisis moments.

3. Give a compliment. It doesn’t have to be on something big, it could simply be complimenting someone on their smile; however, it does need to be sincere.

4. Accept a compliment graciously when given one. Many of us downplay compliments. A simple thank you honors the expression and the one giving it.

5. Praise someone who’s done well. Extend your compliment giving to cover specific deeds as well.

6. Pass on good news. There is so much bad news in the world, around every corner. Good news should be spread often and far.

7. Tell a family member (or two!) you love them. Even if you did it recently, do it again. I’ve never met anyone who said they were told too often.

8. Give your full attention. Focus completely on the other person, and do your best to quiet the thoughts in your own head.

9. Look cashiers in the eye. I’ve been one before, as have lots of others I know. We will all tell you that they are people too and deserve common courtsey, something I’m shocked at how often isn’t offered by other customers.

10. Thank the bank teller. Just because they work around money all day doesn’t mean that they are curmudgeons like Ebeneezer Scrooge.

11. Let your spouse or children sleep late. This one is actually a two for one deal – they get extra sleep and you get some time to yourself for whatever you want. Read a book, read a blog (like this one!), meditate, exercise – whatever, it’s your choice.

12. Call a friend you haven’t heard from in awhile; be the one willing to break the silence. Although it’s possible they don’t want to speak to you, it’s much more likely they have been as busy as you have. Believe me, it stinks when you get around to finally calling an old friend and find out that they’ve moved out of state.

13. Applaud a great performance. No one wants to put out the effort to perform for others and get a halfhearted response. If you liked the performance, give the performers the courtesy of a real clap – not one of those haughty, practically silent efforts.

14. Offer a ride to someone without a car. Of course the rules of safety apply, but once that issue is addressed, remember that everyone finds themselves in the situation of needing a ride occasionally, for whatever reason.

15. Give up your seat. Of course, if the law says you have to, that’s a different story. For those times it’s not legally mandated, giving up your seat is a nice gesture.

16. Let go of an old grudge; forgive someone else. As much as we want to, we can’t change the past. And forgiving someone else may regain us a friendship, or relationship with a family member we didn’t remember how much we missed until they are back.

17. Let go of an old regret; forgive yourself. This one is harder, but in some ways even more necessary. We can’t get better if we’re constantly reliving what we’ve done wrong.

18. Spend time with an elderly person. Just because they are older, doesn’t mean they aren’t still valuable. Us “young folk” can learn a lot about how the world has changed through stories from those who lived them. The personal experience is always more interesting than an ordinary textbook.

19. Help a fellow traveler with their luggage. Especially with the added security at United States Airports, many folks don’t find traveling the most easy of experiences. A kind word and a hand with a heavy bag can make a world of difference.

20. Hold a child’s hand while crossing the street. This is not only is for the safety of the child, but it also allows us to enjoy the feel of the little hand in our adult one and remember what it was like when life seemed much simpler.

We spend most of our day at our jobs, hanging out in our work space. How you decorate it says a lot about who you are. I suggest that we use our decorating style to send a clearer message about the kind of ways we make a difference in the world.

Of course, I’ve been guilty of hanging pictures of my husband, political messages, and lovely scenes of beaches. I’ve also hung my framed awards, diplomas, and certificates. But I no longer want to be defined by my academic achievements only. I want to be seen as someone who is an activist. Going forward, I’m going to approach my desk decoration style with an eye to showing activism. If you already have an established desk decoration style, I encourage you to rethink and make some changes, whether small or large, to send a clear message about your outlook.

Start with your calendar. Since we are coming up on the end of the year, this is a great time to be looking for a calendar for the new year. There are lots of calendars whose purchase contributes to a cause; why not purchase one of these?

Is there a particular cause you support? Why not get a button, sticker, or flyer and post that on your bulletin board? Are you going to be participating in a charity event? If so, do you already have a notice about it hanging at your desk? If not, then why not hang one?

Do you have pictures of family volunteering? Why not post these instead of the ones you have now? If you don’t have them now, look for an opportunity to take them in the future.

If you have pictures, you will get asked about them. So why not post a picture that starts a conversation about giving back? And it doesn’t have to be a picture of family. It could be a picture of someone who inspires you, or a place you want to volunteer. It can be a fun way to motivate you while also presenting an opportunity to talk about it to someone else.

Everyone who lives in cubicle land knows we need a way to cover up the boring walls. Even if you have your own office, I’m sure you want to add a personal touch. Why not take this chance to make your decorations do double duty and show more than just your taste in art or academic achievements?

Photo by Topato

A few months ago, my husband and I decided to hike regularly. Luckily, there is a state park about 10 minutes up the road with a lot of hiking trails. We can easily set out for a hike and spend 2 hours under the trees. It didn’t even occur to me to take a trash bag with me the first time we went. We took a backpack and some bottles of water. When the bottles were empty, we put them back in the backpack. Simple, right?

Well, apparently is was for us, but not for a lot of others. We passed all kinds of trash on our hike: paper cups, soda cans, old clothes, plastic bags, empty bottles of motor oil – I kid you not – beer cans, cigarette wrappers and butts. At one point on the trail, we stopped to sit on a rock at the edge of a stream and watch the water flow over the rocks. My husband looked sideways and there was an empty fast food cup – complete with lid and straw. He asked me if it was weird to want to bring a trash bag. I replied, no, I was thinking the same thing.

We’ve been back to hike several times since then, and each time we bring a trash bag. Just this past weekend, we took 3 bags of trash out of the forest and back to “civilization.” We would have brought more, but a lot of it was hard to reach.

Why Are People So Rude?

Do people think that if you throw it hard enough you get more points? Is the world a better place if your soda can gets three trees away instead of just off the trail? What’s up with that? And here’s another question – why was there more trash within steps of the parking lot than ½ hour into the forest? Surely taking the 20 steps back to your car instead of tossing your trash isn’t that terribly hard? Of course, given that a lot of that trash was empty alcohol containers (not just beer cans, but empty hard liquor bottles) – maybe drunk people don’t give a damn.

Can you tell I’m mad? It gets worse – the amount of trash I see. Ok, deep in the forest about ½ an hour down the trail, there aren’t exactly flip top trash cans. So, those folks who want to throw their trash away properly don’t have a receptacle in which to do so. (Take it with you! Apparently too hard for some, but anyway.) But, how about on parking lots?

Yesterday, my husband and I picked up a discarded fast food bag and cup and walked them to the – wait for it – TRASH CAN – only 2 parking spaces away. Why, when the can is RIGHT THERE do people not put their trash in it? Do we need drive up trash cans now? I mean really people, what’s up with that?

Ok, I’ll stop ranting now. I’m going to make a presumption that if you are reading this, you are not a litterer. I’m going to give my readers the benefit of the doubt that you are smart, caring folks who take your trash with you if there is no can, or put it in the can if there is one.

We Must Pick Up The Slack

But, what about those folks who aren’t reading this – who aren’t smart, caring folks? Well, as with many things in life, it is up to us to pick up the slack.

I must make a confession – one of those three bags we brought back with us was filled by someone else. Someone else who was probably doing the same thing we were – picking up trash on the trail. However, for whatever reason, that person didn’t take the next step and put the bag in a can somewhere. They left it on the side of the parking lot. So, I give them slight kudos, but lower marks for not completing the task.

Making a difference doesn’t have to take a lot of effort or money. And here is one way that we can make a difference without spending a lot of effort or money. When you go anywhere, in addition to throwing away your own trash, I encourage to you pick up the trash of others. If this is too yucky, take a bag with you wherever you go and pick up the trash with the bag, using it as a makeshift glove. This is what we did in the forest. It works.

My main point has been made – I hope . But, before I go, I want to leave you with some extra words of encouragement – you are not alone. My husband and I will continue to pick up trash when it needs to be done. Won’t you join us in making the world a little cleaner?

Photo Credits: Crushed Budweiser Can by schizoform; Fast Food Trash by Taekwonweirdo

Photo by O Pirata

I’ve pursued being a teacher, a landscape architect designing habitats for zoos, a marine biologist, and a sail trainer (the folks who sail tall ships and travel around teaching others about the history of sailing and life in, under, and on the water). I’ve made a difference in little ways here and there, but when I think about doing something big, something consistent (like the careers above), I’m overwhelmed by the number of causes that need my help and the number of people and animals suffering.

I Believe In Animal Rights

One of my hot buttons is animal rights. I can’t watch the animal cop shows on television because I would get too worked up. I cry when I hear about people abusing animals. I try to not let it get to me, but it’s hard. I often feel overwhelmed when I read the statistics. Did you know that 10 million animals are put to death every year in the U.S. alone because they are abandoned and unwanted? 10 million. That is such a large number I have a hard time contemplating it, let alone figuring out how I can do something about it.

I’ve taken the small steps I can. Every animal I’ve owned has been a rescue – either from a shelter, or a stray. I wish I could do more, but unfortunately, there is only so much I can personally contribute due to time and finance constraints. However, I’m not the only one who feels this way. There are others who are helping as well. One of those was the person who sent me the link for The Animal Rescue Site. I don’t remember who it was, but I’m glad that they did. I make sure to click every day.

I Click And Shop

It’s not just the clicking every day that I do – I also shop in their store. I bought a pretty cool bookmark with a “froggy” on it for my sister in law. She loved it. Soon, I’m going to pick up one of the purple paw yin yang pendants.

If you haven’t visited the site, you probably don’t understand what I’m talking about. But, after reading how simple and quick this is – and totally free! – I hope you too become someone who clicks every day.

The Animal Rescue Site and its five sister sites (The Rainforest Site, The Literacy Site, The Child Health Site, The Breast Cancer Site, and The Hunger Site) have come up with a really cool way for everyone – and I mean everyone – to contribute every day. Here’s how it works: you go to the site, you click on the “Click here to give – it’s free” button and you’re done. Go to the next site, and do it again. Continue until you are through all 6 sites. Return again tomorrow. It really is that simple.

Did I Mention Free?

And it is absolutely, totally, and completely free. The only cost to you is the little bit of time you take to do this. The contributions are paid for by the sponsors of the site. The sites would of course like you to visit and purchase from their sponsors, but it is not a requirement. The sponsors will keep contributing for each click, whether or not you continue on and patronize them.

Clicking is all you have to do to make a difference; however, as I mentioned above, there’s more. Each site has a store associated with it; purchasing items from the stores results in more donations as a portion of the proceeds for each sale go to the cause. And these are beautiful items, not junky souvenir type garbage. As I mentioned, I’ve bought gifts for others and jewelry for myself.

I urge you too to click every day on all six sites and to band together with millions of other people to make a real difference. And all at no cost and in seconds a day. And be sure to check out the stores to see if anything appeals to you. They even have items for men (like ties and tee shirts). The links below will take you to the six sites, but before you go, let me show you how much a difference they’ve already made. As of August 31, 2007, the total donations have been:

The Hunger Site: 65,842,049 pounds of food
The Breast Cancer Site: 12,803 mammograms
The Child Health Site: 2,450,920 children helped
The Literacy Site: 1,499,814 books donated
The Rainforest Site: 2,001,859,221 square feet of rainforest protected
The Animal Rescue Site: 148,753,525 bowls of food funded