In general, we women are emotionally expressive creatures. This remains true when looking at depression. While men will most often complain of more physical symptoms of depression than women, depression symptoms in women are more likely to be emotional ones.
It’s important to remember that it is normal to feel down – to have off days. It’s normal to be sad when something ends, be it the life of a loved one, a job, a relationship. But feeling down and sad by themselves aren’t depression. It’s when those feelings are more lasting. And, if those feelings come up for no reason at all. Sometimes, it can be as simple as things feel off and you suspect that what you are feeling isn’t normal.
At that point, it’s important to consider that you may be suffering from depression. Read through the symptoms below and if you find yourself nodding your head with any of them, then see a doctor, therapist, or other trusted counselor.
1. Depressed mood; persistent feeling of sadness, or even emotional numbness. There are always times when crying doesn’t seem out of place. But, when you are depressed, you may find yourself wanting to cry a lot, and cry over things that others don’t see as particularly sad. This can also manifest as an emptiness. It feels a little as if you are looking through a plate of glass at the rest of the world. You are there, but cut off from them. And, for the most part, you don’t care. It can be hard to feel happy for other people when you should, or even feel appropriate sadness. In an effort not to loose control, and cry in front of people, you let yourself go numb. Because numbness is easier to deal with than the oppressive feeling of sadness.
2. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and/or guilt. When the numbness lifts and you can feel some of your feelings, it feels as if the whole world is out to get you. Everything seems to go wrong. You are sure that everyone is looking at you and laughing about you behind your back. You take everything personally. And, you start thinking in always and never terms:
- I never get ahead at work.
- My partner never appreciates me.
- I’m always screwing up.
- Those times when I was “happy” were just a lie.
You feel broken, like you have a blackness inside of you that others don’t. You may even accept that everyone makes mistakes, but feel that others’ mistakes aren’t as bad as yours. You may feel like you have to be at 100% all the time, and resent that others can have a bad day without being criticized.
3. Loss of interest in doing things you used to like – including sex. Nothing seems to feel good anymore and it’s more trouble than it’s worth. You just don’t feel up to it. If you decide to do something you used to enjoy, it’s not enjoyable anymore. A night out with friends? Too loud, too many people, too hot, too stuffy, the jokes aren’t funny, the food tastes bad. Any number of things can put you off of feeling good, even if you felt a little better when you decided to go out. When you are depressed it’s very easy for your mood to drop. So, not only do things just not seem fun anymore, you avoid doing them because you don’t want that drop in mood to come when you least expect it.
4. Irritability or restlessness. The fog of depression makes everything get on your nerves. Your boss seems hyper critical and you can’t stand the sound of his voice. You get mad at yourself easily and may even find yourself being snarky with others. Little sounds, or uncomfortable temperatures make you want to scream. You get impatient with people and get tired of listening to their stories. You wonder why you even liked that person to begin with. The hyper critical lens you turn on yourself you can turn on others as well and see faults you hadn’t seen before – and every one feels like it’s aimed directly at all your buttons, constantly pushing them.
You may feel like you can’t sit still. This may be because you physically feel like you have to move, or because you want to get away from everyone. You may feel that if you were just a little bit faster you could get away from the feelings and start to feel like you accomplished something.
5. Difficulty concentrating. On the flip side of feeling restless, you find yourself forgetting things and your mind wanders from the task at hand. Often, it wanders to other thoughts that race through your mind, critical voices pointing out that you aren’t doing a good job as well as berating you for losing concentration.
6. Sleeping problems. You may feel tired all the time. This feeling of being tired is deeper than just not getting a good night’s sleep, though. It feels like you can never get enough sleep. You want to stay in bed all day because you feel so tired. You can sleep more than 10 hours a day and still feel tired.
On the flip side, the restlessness may mean that you can’t sleep very well. You may have a difficult time getting to sleep because your mind keeps racing. Then, once you get to sleep, you may not stay asleep long, or have bad dreams. You may feel like you have to keep moving, even in the middle of the night.
7. Lack of energy. This comes not just from not being able to sleep. You feel like you are weighed down and moving slowly. It may feel like you are walking through water, with a lot of resistance to your every move. You may even feel drugged, like you are a little out of touch with reality.
8. Weight and appetite changes. Sugar and fat lead to changes in the brain that make us feel better. When you are depressed, you may continue to eat, because that higher feeling wears off so quickly. The thought of healthy food makes you want a cookie, or a cheeseburger. The lack of energy and increased eating of high sugar and high fat foods will often lead to weight gain.
On the flip side, you may feel so upset, that you don’t want to eat. Your stomach hurts like you ate something that didn’t agree with you. Even if you stomach growls, you feel like gagging at the thought of eating. You have to force yourself to eat because you know your body needs some food. Yet, you look for food that is quick and easy – goodness knows you don’t have the energy or the desire to prepare something. This can lead to weight loss.
9. Suicidal thoughts, including attempts, and thoughts of death. In the lowest points of depression, you hurt so much, you don’t feel like you can continue. You hurt physically and mentally. It doesn’t feel like it’s going to get better, and ending your life can feel like the only answer. You may think about those you’ll leave behind and how they will cope. Yet, you figure that they might do better than if they had you dragging them down. The sense of worthlessness and guilt reaches a crescendo and you wonder why you should go on. And, even if you don’t feel like ending your life, you may feel like running away and hiding somewhere would help.
When it comes to symptoms of depression in women, many of those above aren’t distinct. They blend together and the lines between them blur. You can’t sleep, so you have no energy. You feel bad so you sleep all the time. Things irritate you, so you lose interest in doing things.
Everyone has days when it feels like nothing is going your way. But depression feels like every day is that way. And, not only are things not going your way, but it can feel like people are deliberately out to get you.
Some days will be better than others, even with depression. If you feel that you may have the disease, seek help. There are treatments and support available. You aren’t alone, even though it feels like you are.
If you have any questions, please leave me a comment below.
