Listen – Connect – Communicate
Table of contents for Paying Attention
- Why Attention Is The Key To Connection
- Listen – Connect – Communicate
- Photography – Taking Notice – Making Connections
Do you ever find yourself wishing you could push a rewind button on a conversation because you missed the last comment someone made?
Photo by MShades
I’ve done this more times than I can count, because I’ve been hearing the conversation, but not really listening to it. Sometimes it’s easy to ask the person to repeat themselves, “What did you say?” but at other times this just isn’t practical (like in a group setting where the person talking is speaking with several others.)
Although this is a problem we all have from time to time, I’ve been making an effort lately to catch myself when I notice my attention wandering and come back to the conversation. I make sure to tune in and really listen to the words. I found myself practicing this the other day while watching TV.
Commercials And Beyond
Billy Mays is a face, if not a name, you will probably recognize; he’s the guy behind the OxiClean, OrangeGlo and other cleaning products ads – the one with the beard and the over the top pitch. While I’ve lost count of the products I’ve seen him promote, when I see his face, I know what kind of commercial I’m in for. That is until I saw one particular ad. He was still pumped up and over the top, but I wondered if he was angry the day it was filmed. There was just something missing from his delivery. Perhaps it was a slightly different tone, or a different cadence. I’m not sure, but it was clear something wasn’t quite right. I wouldn’t normally have noticed, but I hadn’t pushed the mute button for the commercials. Therefore, I was actually listening to him speak.
After the experience with the commercial, I found myself deliberately listening at other times as well. For instance, when my husband calls me from work, I’m often reading something online, or engrossed in a project. I answer the phone and then try to split my attention. However, the quality of the conversation is immediately improved when I stop what else I am doing and concentrate on the sound of his voice, listening to what he’s saying. By doing so, I’ve disrupted the rush, rush, rush of daily life and taken the chance to be in the moment.
Listening To Friends And Listening To Strangers
If you know the person you are speaking with well, you may think you don’t have to listen that closely. However, whether you are face to face, or on the phone, you can tell how they feel based on several clues – choice of words, tone of voice, the speed they are talking, and length of pauses – that are only noticeable if you are truly listening. Sometimes, when I’m in this situation, I find that I don’t have to talk – either because I’m enjoying listening to the other person’s speech, or because I realize that conversation is not necessary in that moment.
Of course, I find this a lot easier with people I know well, but I’ve been making the effort with strangers. I’ll get into a friendly chat with the checkout clerk at the grocery store. Or maybe I have to call a new client. Either way, by listening, I’ve found I have a smoother conversation with this new person. I’ve noticed the other person and as a result, allowed the space for a connection to that other person. End result: smoother conversation, better results, easier day overall.
I understand this isn’t always easy to do. However, by making the effort, we can reach out to others. Maybe in only a small way, but it does make a difference. So, as you go about the rest of the day, and the next several days, think about how listening can promote a connection and therefore more effective communication.
Then, I would love for you to leave me a me a comment below on your thoughts and experience.