Why Attention Is The Key To Connection
Table of contents for Paying Attention
- Why Attention Is The Key To Connection
- Listen – Connect – Communicate
- Photography – Taking Notice – Making Connections
Do you get embarrassed when you have to tell someone “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention?”
Photo by timtom.ch
I know I do, because I’ve let the key component in connecting with another person – my attention – lapse.
Paying Attention Is Common Courtesy
It’s rude to have to tell someone that you weren’t paying attention and it gives the impression that they are not important. There have been times I’ve been speaking with someone and realized I wasn’t paying attention to them anymore – not because I didn’t think they were important, but because I let my thoughts take over for my ears. However, I know that’s not the impression they got.
We can all tell when someone isn’t really listening to us. We know when their attention wanders – sometimes we can pinpoint exactly when it occurred. Trust me, they can tell the same when it’s us who’s attention has wandered. In our busy society, with the emphasis on multitasking, this can happen more and more. This is not a good thing.
However, making the effort to pay attention to the person or people we are speaking with is worth the effort. It quiets our thoughts and keeps us in the moment.
Paying Attention Quiets Our Chaotic Thoughts
More times than I can count, I’ll be speaking with someone and something they’ve said has reminded me of something else and I’m off thinking about that other thing. Just this morning, I was talking to my husband, John. He was talking about looking for books on Amazon.com and I thought of the fact that Amazon has an affiliate program, then I thought of Yaro Starak talking about affiliate sales, which made me think about the Blogging Mastermind course I’m a member of, and… I was no longer paying attention to the discussion. Fortunately, I realized this and brought my attention back to our conversation.
As soon as I focused on what John was saying, and spoke back to him on the topic, my thoughts about blogging, Blog Mastermind, and affiliate sales vanished. All those “things” I needed to think about were put into the “later” file in my brain.
Another example: yesterday, I was reading info on blogging from Blog Mastermind and was getting a bit overwhelmed. I was trying to take notes as I went along, but one idea just led to another and another and I could see this huge vision for what the future of my blog could be. I pictured great comment discussions, maybe a forum, and…then I looked at the clock and realized it was time to start dinner. Crash back to reality. But, as I started to make dinner, my mind was still spinning with possibilities, and I was starting to get anxious about the amount of work and time it would take, and can I do it, and…
Then the phone rang. It was my mother calling to ask about Christmas presents for John. As I made dinner in the background (spaghetti is so easy!), I was able to concentrate on the conversation with my mom. Poof – onto the back burner was all the ideas for my blog. After we had talked about Christmas, then about pets (my cat is very talkative and doesn’t understand why she doesn’t get her own phone, so she will just try to use the one I’m on to say her piece – which of course my mom could hear), we hung up. My mind was clear again, and I was able to think calmly about my blog and the future.
Paying Attention Keeps Us In The Moment
As much as we plan and think about the future, we can only live right now. Time will continue to pass whether we are paying attention or not. However, when we do pay attention, we are able to be present in the moment.
This morning, John and I took a walk around our neighborhood. In our part of the world it has been rainy and gray for what feels like weeks, but has only been the last week or so. This morning, it was sunny and in the 40s, which is cold for August, but was quite nice for December. For the first bit of our walk, it was so nice to just pay attention to the sun and feel the cool air on my face. I have missed the sun, and unfortunately, more bad weather is coming.
I enjoyed the colors of the fall leaves – most on the ground, but some still on the trees. We said good morning to one of the Maintenance men we passed and pointed out a few cats watching us through their windows. We didn’t have anywhere else to be, or anything else to do, but take that walk and talk to each other. Although, as I mentioned above, my mind wandered a time or two, overall, it was a good walk and I was very much in the moment, paying attention to the beautiful winter day around me.
Moving Forward
As you can see, paying attention is so important, not just for connecting with others around us, but for us as well by calming our thoughts and keeping us in the moment. I also realized as I wrote this post that I have so many ideas on this topic, and so many others stories I can tell to illustrate. The two points that jump out at me are really listening to the other person and noticing what is around me. Over the next two posts I want to expand on these two ideas in more detail and hopefully generate a discussion around them.
I invite you to leave a comment below or on any of the following two posts. Please let me know what you think and share your stories of how paying attention has improved your day.
Very interesting, Cathy.
It is easy to get side-tracked when people are talking. I try to come back as soon as I realize I’m somewhere else, but am no longer embarrassed when it happens. I DO try to make sure the other person is aware it wasn’t them, but entirely the fault of my brain and dwindling brain cells.
Love your space.
First, thanks for stopping by!
Second, I hope it’s not entirely the fault of dwindling brain cells because that means society is in more trouble than I initially thought.
There have been studies, and I see it regularly in women’s magazines, that talk about how multi tasking actually hurts us. However, it seems to be a prerequisite for getting along in society. So much so, that I find myself not even aware I’m doing it most of the time. However, when I do take the time to slow down, focus in on one thing at time, and pay attention, I find that I can get more done in less time. Making multi tasking unnecessary.
I would say that only computers do multi tasking well – and even they don’t do it that well all the time. Hey, that gives me an idea – wouldn’t it be cool if we could just power ourselves down and start over again at the touch of a button?
Mmm… Paying attention. That can be spiritual, can’t it? After all, the more attention you give to your own life, the more lessons you are able to learn from each day.
I would argue that God is in those life lessons, whispering to us better ways in which to live our lives. I hope you find this to be an interesting thought.
Namaste.
Yes, paying attention can be spiritual; however, many may not feel that specifically. Spirituality is so personal, and not practiced by everyone. However, paying attention is something that should be practiced by everyone.
That said, I do believe that we are here to experience being human. In that respect any lessons we learn from paying attention can be seen as furthering us to that goal. And, since I also believe in a personal relationship with God/Divine, I have no problem envisioning whispers in my ear telling me how to lead a better life. It’s quite a comforting thought, really.