You Do What You Have To Do
February 20, 2008 | In Mindset |
The phrase “You do what you have to do” has been drifting through my mind all morning. The question is, however, what do I have to do?
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Yesterday, I got an e-mail from a recruiter in insurance. He has arranged an interview for me tomorrow afternoon. I agreed to the interview, because I couldn’t think of any way to say no. Now, I’m truly torn as to what to do.
My financial life is in shambles right now. So, I have to find a permanent position. Insurance is the field where I have the experience, and therefore, should bring me the highest salary. Except, in order to widen the field, I told the recruiters I would accept up to a $10,000 lower salary than I was making last summer. I told them this at least a month ago, and figured that was the end of it since I hadn’t heard. That was, until yesterday.
Lower Salary And The Wrong Industry
This position I’m interviewing for pays the lower salary. Which brings up all kinds of problems. First, will they even consider hiring me knowing that I’m overqualified? Second, how do I answer the question about what salary I’m asking for? Third and perhaps most important: how do I do well in the interview when I don’t want to work in this field anymore?
Which brings me back to “you do what you have to.” There is a large part of me that would love to work for the cable company. There are so many positives to this position, but there are two big negatives as well: it wouldn’t pay as much as the insurance position, and the hours may be awful. Then, the other problem is that I’ve got an interview for the insurance position, but not for the service rep position with the cable company, although that is probably just a matter of time.
The money worries me greatly, which definitely impacts my mental health. However, the idea of working in insurance worries me as well, which also impacts my mental health. I have one other big worry as well: what if I decide to go for the job in insurance and they hire me? How long can I hide that I’m not happy before I either have a breakdown, or they fire me because I’m not working out?
What If This Is The Only Option?
While it sounds like I’ve talked myself out of the insurance position, right now it’s my only shot. The cable company hasn’t called, and there is no guarantee that they will. I’m coming to the end of unemployment benefits, and I can’t help but think that this job would be better than a retail position.
So, which is more important: soothing my anxiety and depression over not having a job (by taking this position) or soothing my anxiety and depression over having a job in insurance (by not taking the position and holding out for something else)? And, what happens if they don’t offer me the position? Will I be happy or upset? And if I’m happy, what will I do with the guilt that will show up next? How can I put pressure on my husband like this?
Bottom line is: I don’t want the job. It’s the wrong industry, the wrong price for that industry, and more than likely will be boring, frustrating, menial work. I’ve been there and done that in this industry. The cable company, at $5,000 less ($15,000 less than last summer - what I’m really worth in insurance), would actually make me happier.
But is my happiness all that matters? My happiness now is definitely marred by not having a job and having a mound of debt. That’s not going to go away until I have a job. I am so stuck that I don’t know what to do. But, I have to figure it out because if I was to go to this interview now, they could see right through me and wouldn’t even consider hiring me. Then I would know that I did a disservice to myself because I didn’t do my best.
Practice My Poker Face?
Maybe the best answer is to put on my most endearing customer service face, the one that hides everything, and go to the interview with my head held high. Perhaps I can consider it practice for poker. I can work on my bluffing skills. Can I convince them that I’m interested in staying in the industry? Then, I’ll leave them to sort out whether I’m overqualified and underpaid. If I do my best, can I really fault them for deciding that I’m just not the right person for the job?
Sigh. What if I do my bluffing so well they do decide I’m the right person for the job? I can’t keep up that persona forever. It will tear me apart. It did tear me apart before and I don’t want to live that way anymore.
What to do, what to do?
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Hi Cathy,
Naturally I can’t tell you what would be the right thing for you.
What I can say is that it is possible to pay attention to the conflict. And it is possible to find what it is that each part of you (that is in conflict) desires. When you know what each part of you wants this is usually a relief. It is also easier to find a solution that works for all of you.
This is a bit abstract I know. Ways to do this are things like: role playing the conflict, writing out the argument, talking to a friend. The decisive point is to get clarity about the desire of each part.
I have most of my adult life lived on a minimal income, and this is rarely comfortable. I do have some idea of what it is like for you.
I hope this helps.
Evan,
Thank you for your insight. I did indeed feel a tremendous conflict over this interview. However, after the interview the conflict had been resolved. A talk with my husband gave me the courage to tell the recruiter that the job was not for me. I gave it a chance, but in the end, I had to listen to my heart. Not just for me, but to be fair to a potential employer as well. While a job, any job, is looking good, lack of income isn’t enough to justify making another bad decision. Especially when I know going in it’s a bad decision.
Just a few thoughts.
I sympathize with you; my current position isn’t what I want to do. What I comfort myself with is that my position is just a temporary thing, until I can get some more skills/exposure to go do something else. (I also believe that ANY job is temporary in this way, as the days of working one job forever are fast dying out)
You basically have to do what is best for you and your family; unemployment also pays far less than either of these jobs. I would go for whatever will hire you, and tell yourself that either job is not really what you want, just something to do until an opportunity opens up in what your calling is. Then, you have to pursue that calling!
Brian,
I appreciate your insight. While I recognize that any position that I take will be short term, if only as you said because of the nature of today’s world, there is a difference between taking a job you know you will hate because you need the money, and taking a job you expect to like even if it means you have to wait longer for the second job.
This doesn’t mean I’m waiting around however. I’m taking yet another look at my resume to see if I can amend it for a different industry, I’m keeping in contact with the recruiters, and I’m taking temporary positions until something permanent comes along. However, as I said in my reply to Evan, getting income isn’t enough for me to justify taking a job that I know I will hate. And not just because it is in insurance, but also because of what I found out in the interview. While I’m sure it’s a great place to work for the right person, I knew as I was sitting there that I’m not that person.
As for pursuing my calling - I’m doing my best.
It’s tough to overcome the depression as well as the unemployment, but I’m still working toward it, even if only a baby step at a time.