Healing The Past - A Proven Technique That Works
March 9, 2008 | In Mindset |
This morning when I awoke, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I realized that the thoughts and feelings I’d processed yesterday had resulted in the healing of a large emotional wound. A wound I hadn’t realized was there, but now is only a scar, which time will fade from pink to white. This was a very liberating feeling and one I believe everyone can have, even if you’ve never felt it before.
Photo by TheLizardQueen
Seeking to deliberately face, and then work to heal, a large hurt from the past takes a tremendous amount of courage. It requires that we face not only the rejection and cruelty of others, but also the possibility of our responsibility, which can be overwhelming. It is far easier to just let the hurts alone and move forward since we can’t change the past.
Why Do It?
Given how hard healing the past is, and how it won’t change events either way, why should we bother?
1. The pain of the past is lessened or eliminated. Everyone has painful memories, things that they would rather not think about. There may be whole periods of your life, or single instances that you would rather forget. Simple reminders are painful, often physically, and the emotional pain isn’t easy either. But, what if those memories didn’t bring that pain? What if instead, you had simply sadness? A little regret perhaps, but also a calm feeling that this part of the past will no longer haunt you? Not only is that feeling possible, but it is completely worth it.
2. You feel physically lighter and happier. Unless you have felt the liberating lightness of letting go of a piece of the past, you don’t know how awesome if feels. And, even if you have felt it, you may think it was a fluke. It is hard to describe the feeling; akin to the end of a tough job interview, but magnified. This feeling of lightness brings a sense of peace and happiness as well. While the immediate feeling may fade after a day or so, the sense of peace and happiness about that particular hurt will never fade. You will be able to bring it back whenever you want, especially when you need courage for the next bout with past hurts.
3. You are able to see yourself clearly and forgive yourself. When you lived the hurt in the past, you interpreted it in one way. Since that time, you have probably gone over and over the situation, trying to understand. With healing of that hurt, you don’t wonder anymore. You finally have clarity on the situation; you may see things from someone else’s point of view, as I did. Or, you may see clearly a false assumption about yourself that clouded your interpretation. It’s like you have a new knowledge of yourself that is completely true. Something you know that is who you really are and doesn’t need to be hidden. And, no matter what your role was, you realize you couldn’t help it; no matter what happened, you did the best you could with who you were at the time - even if that time was a matter of seconds.
How To Do It?
It’s easy to say that the past can be healed, but harder to believe when hurts runs deep. When you are ready to tackle the challenge, you will need to feel intense emotions, one that you have become a master at pushing away. While the process is fairly simple to explain, I know it’s far from easy to put into effect.
1. Realize that no one is forcing you to face your pain; rather it is a choice you are making. Any time you probe a particularly large piece of emotional baggage, or even a small piece, you will want to run. There is no shame in the wanting to run and if you don’t feel up to it, then don’t do it. Only you know how much you can take and when you can take it. It is totally up to you to decide when the time in right. Use that power as a confidence booster that you can face the past and come through it.
2. Give yourself whatever emotional safety you need. This may be time alone in your bedroom, or a walk in the woods. This may be with another person, either a trusted friend or a professional therapist. Dealing with past hurts is messy and scary. You must feel totally comfortable with your present surrounds in order to deal with the pain of the past. A glass of water and a box of tissues would probably come in handy as well. Releasing emotional baggage usually comes with lots of tears.
3. Give yourself permission to feel in order to start exploring the pain. We have become so good at pushing our feelings down and going numb that we need to know it’s OK to feel them. This is difficult as our conscious mind, the logical part that works to keep us safe, will do it’s best to maintain numbness. However, we know deep down that truly feeling our feelings is what we need to do. Take control and know that it is OK to let go, if only for a little while.
4. Allow yourself to feel your feelings about the past as completely as possible. It helps to think of a specific incident you want to address, but I often find that healing past hurts ends up going in a different direction that originally intended. It may be hard to actually feel the feelings, but once you feel the glimmer of one, the others won’t be that far behind. Do your best to express whatever comes up fully. You may be shocked at what you will realize about the past and how clear things will become.
5. If you get stuck in a feeling, deliberately stop probing the wound. If the pain is a particularly deep one, you may find yourself getting stuck and unable to get any clarity. You may feel there is no way out and that you were totally to blame for what happened; at least that’s what happens to me. When you reach this place there is an out - you must tell yourself something to the effect of, “This pain is overwhelming, I can’t face it anymore. I’ve done what I can for now, and I will put it aside until I am able to face it again.” No one said you have to keep feeling awful if you’re not making any headway. Remember, you chose to face this pain, you can just as easily choose to stop facing it. Also remember, going over and over the pain without release in the past made it worse. Honor yourself now and stop the downward spiral.
Doing this intense personal work is exhausting. However, it is also incredibly liberating. Every large piece of emotional baggage I’ve disposed of has stayed disposed of. Little by little, I chip away at the huge pile of luggage, getting closer and closer to complete self love. Somedays I may deal with a small hurt, the equivalent of a messenger bag or briefcase. Other times I am able to heal a large hurt, the equivalent of a steamer truck - the kind that a body could be hidden in. Every shred of hurt that is healed is worth it.
Seagulls Photo by Luis Alves; Crying Sign Photo by xctmx; Luggage Photo by cote
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Great post Cathy.
One other reason to do it: it frees up energy that is otherwise used dealing with the hurt. Hence the good feeling when we do heal.
You know, I hadn’t thought of it that way. That’s a good point.
Also, thanks for pointing this post out to your readers.
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