Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 2
April 17, 2008 | In Changing Mindset - Considerations |
Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 1
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 2
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 3
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 4
Yesterday, I wrote about how daydreams and fantasies can point to what we really want in life. In Part 2, I want to discuss daydreams in particular.
We all have daydreams - fantasies played out while we are awake. These can take many forms - maybe we are wistful thinking about stepping outside and enjoying the sunlight. Maybe we play out a complex scenario that makes our life “perfect” or at least as close to it as humanly possible.
While it’s obvious that these daydreams show us a better life, one we would like to have, I believe that these daydreams are usually deeper, showing us more fundamental desires that we may not be aware of.
The Corner Office
Whenever I think about getting high up in a traditional business (i.e., not a web/online based one), I like to dream about a corner office. This office would have almost as much space as my two bedroom apartment. I picture being fairly high in a building and having large windows. I would have a contemporary glass desk, a really comfortable office chair, the latest computer with an LCD screen, and a sitting area.
While this daydream clearly shows a better life with more advanced furniture and electronics that I don’t currently have, this fantasy also points to a few more subtle ideas.
1. Recognition. No one gets to the corner office unless they are really high up in a company. The daydream, while possibly different from real life, has me as a respected member of the company. I regularly have visitors and I have an open door policy for all employees.
Having a corner office means you haven’t been held back by anything that could be considered negative (a fault) or something prejudiced against (race, religion, gender, sexual orientation.) For me, this means that I haven’t been overlooked because I’m a woman.
It also shows that we are recognized for our hard work and dedication to the company. We have respect we may very well not have in real life.
2. Financial Security. Those who have corner offices are not poor. They are generally able to afford whatever they want, even if they don’t want a mansion, sports car, or private school for their children.
In real life, executives with corner offices are often overworked, rarely see their families, and many have tremendous debt.
However, in a fantasy such as this, none of those downsides exist. We are free to jet off to the Caribbean if we want to. We no longer count money as one of our top concerns.
3. Supporting a cause we believe in. While in real life, we may stay with a company that isn’t completely in line with our goals, this is not the case in fantasy. In fantasy, our hard work, dedication, and perseverance is for a cause we truly believe in. The corner office is just the icing on the cake.
The Perfect Relationship
While I personally have a relationship that is about as “perfect” as I believe is possible, that hasn’t always been the case. The relationship I had with my ex-boyfriend had a lot of problems (after all, if it was great, I would have married him!)
Fantasies that our relationship was much better didn’t just include being happy and having the same goals. They also included other important aspects.
1. Unconditional love. Unfortunately, adult love is conditional. However, it’s possible to get really, really close to unconditional love. An unconditional love would be with someone who loves us no matter how much we make mistakes. They would tell us if we needed feedback, but they would judge our actions, not us personally. They wouldn’t belittle us or hurt us.
Obviously, this is a tall order. However, I believe that my frequent wishing and daydreaming about how my relationship could be better showed me clearly what I didn’t have then. Then, when I met and fell in love with John, who later became my husband, I was able to truly understand the power of this in my life.
2. Free from any worries about trust. A perfect relationship is one where we don’t fear letting the other person see the “real” us. We know that they won’t betray a confidence, and they will hold us when we are upset.
Trust is difficult to have in many situations. I’m sure I’m not alone in having had my trust violated in the past, in both romantic relationships and friendships.
When I fantasied about the perfect relationship, I didn’t realize that this was an underlying concern. However, the thoughts of telling my deepest secrets and wishes for the future without being laughed at show that I wished for this in my relationship.
3. Solid support. The desire to be able to share my dreams with my romantic partner and fearing to do so in real life shows that my fantasies about a perfect relationship meant I wanted support.
Unasked for advice and criticism will send many of us to a daydream where the other person claps as we get a degree or lose a few pounds. No matter what we choose to aim for, we know the other person will always be there.
The desire for this kind of backing often shows up in our fantasies, even if we don’t consciously realize it.
These two common daydreams are quite fun to engage in. While our real life may be nothing like a daydream, a daydream provides a pleasant escape. Many times, we may not even be aware of why the daydream is so pleasant. However, if we look a little deeper, we can see that daydreams show us we really want. And, when we know it, we have a much better chance of working to actually get it.
Tomorrow, I’ll look at other common fantasies - sexual fantasies. I suspect these types of fantasies are evaluated even less than daydreams. While daydreams can be pretty easy to figure out, many sexual fantasies don’t get examined any closer than “that’s just what I like.” But, I’m willing to take a chance and “crack the lid” to point out what they might really be showing us.
Please leave me your thoughts and comments on this post, or any posts in the series below.
Photo Credits: Clouds and Sun by abkfenris; Jet Plane by Cubbie_n_Vegas; Key and Heart by aussiegall
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Links to related topics: Being Present, Conscious Mind, Do Our Best, Dreams, Emotional Balance, Encouragement, Fantasy, Financial Security, Giving With Passion, Having Fun, Inspiration, Mindset, Passions, Paying Attention, Personal Control, Personal Power, Recognition, Self Definition, Self Expression, Setting Goals, Subconscious Mind, Support, Taking Action, Taking Notice, True Self, Trust, Unconscious Messages, Understanding Ourselves, Vision
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I do think our daydreams and fantasies show us our deeper desires.
My fantasy of a popular popular and profitable blog is really about secure income and providing something worthwhile for people. I hope it’s not too long before this becomes reality.