Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 1
April 16, 2008 | In Changing Mindset - Considerations |
Table of contents for Fantasies and Goal Setting
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 1
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 2
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 3
- Fantasies: Fun, Captivating, And The Key To Our True Selves - Part 4
The first step in any self improvement effort is to get clear about what you really want. While you may be able to start with only the outline of the end goal, you will soon have to set a firm goal. No matter what you are trying to accomplish, you need to know what you are shooting for. 
Then, even after you have defined your goals and are very clear about what you want, you aren’t completely done. You must still review them periodically to gauge your progress and confirm that you still want to work toward those specific goals.
But, what if you don’t know what you really want? How can you set goals that are clear and specific if your wishes for the future are a bit vague or fuzzy? One of the ways, and maybe the way that’s the most fun, is to examine your dreams and fantasies. I believe that they both point to our true desires - those things we really want in life.
Dreams
The other night, I had a dream, that like many dreams, was odd. However it was also telling. In this dream, I was moving around talking to people, but I was confident and secure. When I woke up, I realized that in the dream I was acting like I want to act, rather than how I usually act. I realized that it was my inner “kick ass chick” who was moving me around in the dream, rather than my inner “proper and polite” one.
I also realized that while daydreams and fantasies will point to what we really want in life, our “night” dreams hold important clues too. These clues are often harder to tease out, and you may not even be able to do so if you don’t remember your dreams upon awakening. However, if you do remember your dreams, I believe examining them can be a good tool to add to your toolbox of techniques for goal setting.
There are dozens of books (probably more) that talk about dream symbolism and interpreting your dreams. These are of value to many, but I’m not one of them. I find that looking for meaning behind “symbols” in my dream is tough and doesn’t really help.
On the other hand, looking at the events and attitudes (yours and others’) in the dream is a lot more useful. In general my dreams, no matter how weird, fall into 2 categories:
1. What I’ve been anxious about. This kind of dream leaves me feeling like I really didn’t sleep and wakes me up several times during the night.
I dream this way before a job interview, a meeting with an old friend, or going on a vacation. This is more of an anticipation mixed with nervousness dream. The more I’m looking forward to the event, the more likely I am to have this kind of dream.
Usually, this kind of dream doesn’t surprise me. After all, I know the event is coming up and I know whether I want to go or not. However, sometimes the events in the dream really point out to me something I wasn’t admitting.
For instance, I had a series of dreams before my last job interview in insurance. I knew I didn’t want to continue in insurance, but I really needed the job and I was willing to put aside my reservations to take a job since nothing else was looking promising. However, my dreams were full of twists and turns and a few of them bordered on nightmares. When I woke I talked to my husband about them and the job interview in general. After that conversation, I knew that even if they offered me the job, I wouldn’t take it. I went to the interview anyway, but before they had a chance to make their decision, I told the recruiter I couldn’t take the job.
2. A spring cleaning of my subconscious mind. This kind of dream is the weirdest of all. In this kind of dream, all kinds of little bits and pieces are put together in a disjointed whole that makes absolutely no sense when reviewed later. However, I can look at the dream and see how the various elements related to the thoughts I’d had over the past few days.
Unless I’ve been thinking about something a lot, like when I was reading the newest Harry Potter book, after the dream, I don’t think about those things anymore. That’s why I call these dreams spring cleaning. I find that they put to rest a lot of worries I’ve been having.
For instance, when I was helping to clean up the apartment I’m going to be moving into, I was overwhelmed by the amount of work that needed to be done. Whenever I talked about it to someone, I couldn’t stop thinking that it looked never-ending. Then, one night I had a dream about the apartment. As it turns out, I didn’t end up going back after that to work, but I also stopped thinking about it. I was at peace with how much work it was, and for the first time, I stopped worrying about whether it would be done in time.
These two types of dreams both settled anxiety, and they also showed me what I really wanted. In the first instance, it made it clear to me that I didn’t want to pursue a job in insurance, and in fact I wouldn’t even take a job if offered. In the second instance, it pointed out how I didn’t want to worry about something anymore. I brought to conscious awareness what I already knew deep down - that there really wasn’t a reason to worry, it would all work out.
Fantasies
Fantasies, on the other hand, are a lot easier to explain as showing us what we really want. Whether daydreams or sexual fantasies, they point to a better life that we don’t have in reality.
1. Fantasies allow us to control events. It wouldn’t be a very good fantasy if we didn’t make events go exactly the way we want them to. We get to be cool and confident. We have a great job, a great relationship, or any other situation that would make us happy (or happier.) We get to control all our thoughts and make them what we really want to think about.
If you follow the Law of Attraction, which says that like thoughts attract like thoughts and “thoughts become things”, fantasizing fits right in with this. Fantasies become visualizations as we focus on exactly what we want and set our intention to attract these things into our life.
Fantasies are literally “our dream life.”
2. Fantasies evoke pleasant feelings. I can’t imagine fantasizing or daydreaming about something that scared me. Perhaps to turn it around and make it go my way, but not usually. After all, they are called day “dreams” and not day “nightmares.” Therefore, we like fantasizing. We are happier in our fantasies and they make us feel good (especially if they are sexual.)
Any time we deliberately boost our mood, we are more likely to carry that mood with us for awhile. When we are in a good mood, feeling happy, or at least pleasant, we are much more likely to be connected to our innermost self, our authenticity.
Our authentic self knows what we really want. Our authentic self also has the motivation to get that for real. I’m sure I’m not the only one who doesn’t spend a lot of my day really motivated to pursue something. Most of the time (although this is getting to be a smaller % of the time), I am very aware of the inner critic listing all the reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t pursue my dreams.
Being able to get in touch with our authentic self, whether through the realizations of dreams we have while asleep, or through our deliberate fantasies, reveals what we really want in life. Because of this, they can be an important self improvement tool. Whether you work with the Law of Attraction deliberately or not, I think you can agree that being in a good mood and pursing our real passions is the best way to live our lives.
Tomorrow, I’ll examine daydreams in more detail, through several examples of daydreams we have probably all had. In addition to connecting us with our authentic selves and giving us a way to visualize desired outcomes, daydreams can show us even more desires lurking under the surface that we probably aren’t even aware of. This deepens the experience even more.
If you have any comments or thoughts on these ideas, I welcome your input below.
Photo Credits: Shapes by SantaRosa OLD SKOOL; Twisted Fabric by PPDIGITAL; Control Key by renatotarga
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Links to related topics: Affirmations, Anxiety, Being Present, Conscious Mind, Dreams, Emotional Balance, Fantasy, Having Fun, Inspiration, Job Interview, Mindset, Passions, Paying Attention, Personal Control, Personal Power, Self Definition, Self Expression, Setting Goals, Sexuality, Subconscious Mind, Taking Action, Taking Notice, True Self, Unconscious Messages, Understanding Ourselves, Vision
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Thanks Cathy,
Looking forward to the next articles.