The Problem With Too Many Goals - Overwhelm And Indecision
January 10, 2008 | In Making A Diff. Lifestyle |
Over the past week, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Perhaps because it’s the new year, or perhaps because I’ve been blogging for a month now. Either way, I’ve realized I’m at a stuck place. I don’t know what to write about.
Photo by Mr. Delgoff
Don’t get me wrong, I can talk for hours. And I’ve got lots of ideas. I’ve got visions, and dreams, but that’s all they are. I set out to do something different:
1. Live my dream
2. Tell others about it, to inspire them to either live their dream, or join me with the activist portion of my dream (or both!)
First problem - how does one go about living a dream? Second problem - how do you tell others about how you are doing something you’re not actually doing?
Resolutions And Goals
I made New Year’s Resolutions before the New Year. I even wrote about them. Evan commented that he hoped I wasn’t too driven. I responded that I saw some of these goals as being steps to reaching a larger goal. Looking back, I wonder if my response was simply arrogant, or if I was showing my ignorance. Either way, I was wrong.
When I made those goals, I had this idea that I could do them all. It wouldn’t be that hard, I thought. Although these goals are mine, and not society’s “shoulds” I was still overextending myself. I did have a driven mentality. I must achieve all these goals and there is no room for failure.
But what happens when I don’t reach all these goals? Because chances are, I won’t reach them all. What happens? I guess what has happened for the past couple dozen years - I think I’m a failure and actually achieving something feels farther and farther away.
The Inner Critic
The ball dropped in Times Square, we counted down the seconds at the party I was at and the old depression swept over me. All those goals? Overwhelming. The funk hasn’t really lifted in the days since. My inner critic started explaining, at length, how I couldn’t possibly do all that stuff. He was kind enough to point out all the times I’d failed in the past and asked me why I thought this time would be any different?
Until now, I wasn’t really sure what to tell the critic. He is right about so many things. But, this past year has been unlike any year previous. I had several extremely stressful events happen in the past year, all of which have sent me through the wringer. It’s really no wonder I’m not more depressed! New Year regrets can’t be unique.
Now I know what to tell the critic - I don’t have an undo button for the past. I can’t change it. Nor can I guarantee that this year won’t be worse than last year. But - and this is important - I can admit that I made mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes. I said the wrong thing on several occasions. I made wrong decisions. Some of them last week, some of them years ago that I’m still paying the price for. But I don’t believe it’s too late to start over.
Starting Over
So, today I sat down with pen and paper and thought about what I really want to accomplish this year. I realized I have lots of little goals that lead to two major categories of big goals: my health and my finances. These are intertwined, but still separate. The thing is, I’m afraid to focus too much on one and neglect the other, but at the same time, I’m afraid that if I try to do both, I’ll end up doing neither.
Despite all these doubts, one thing become clear. The first step to living my dream was to take action. To define the next step and actually take it. For me, that meant admitting that I was overwhelmed and can’t do it alone. With regards to my health, I need medical assistance. I wish I didn’t, but I’ve been “trying” on my own for a few years. However, as Yoda said, “Do or do not, there is no try.” I was doing not. I’m scared of the response from the doctor. I’m scared of a dismissive attitude. But, I overcame that fear and made the appointment. That was the first action step.
With regards to my finances, I can’t do that alone either. My husband doesn’t want to talk about it, and I really don’t either. But we’ve also been doing not with them too. There is a need for action there as well.
The Big Picture
What does this have to do with Ripples of Improvement? Perhaps nothing on the surface. However, everything under the surface. I said above that the first problem was I didn’t know how to live the dream. I’m still working on that one. The second problem was how to tell other people about something I’m not doing. This isn’t all sweetness and light; living a dream is very hard work. Some of it physical, much of it mental.
The struggle to take action with my finances and with my health is the same struggle to take action with activism. It’s all my struggle to change my thoughts and change my actions. I woke up one day and decided to become an activist. I decided that I wasn’t going to do the same thing any more.
Ha! If deciding was all that it took, people all over the world would living their dreams. It’s not that easy. Not by a long shot.
Today, I took two more steps towards my goals: I admitted I was wrong. I admitted I need help. The picture I have of me as an activist is someone who believes in herself and doesn’t have the fear of what others think of her. Or at least, if I still have the fear, I do anyway. But now, I’m still at the fear stage. I do care what others think of me. I care so much it’s kept me back from asking for help. I’ve been slogging along, alone, thinking I could do it all. Not true. Today, I was able to put aside a little of that fear and reach out. It can only get easier.
I wonder what step I’ll take tomorrow?
Want to make sure you don't miss future posts? Subscribe via RSS  Subscribe via e-mail |
Print This Post
Links to related topics: Making a Diff. Lifestyle, Self Expression, Understanding Ourselves
Or go directly to a related post:
Comments (RSS) | Trackback URL | Comments Policy
Thanks for a lovely post.
One saying (rather glib) that I’ve found helpful is: you CAN do it all - but not all at once! This has helped me lots. Put another way we tend to underachieve our one year goals and over achieve our five year goals.
Looking forward to hearing about the next actions you take.
Evan,
I’m glad you found this post lovely!
I wish I could do it all! However, I know there are some things I will need help for, and the others, as you said, need to be spaced out because I can’t do them all at once.
I’m brainstorming the next actions; I’ll update my steps on the blog, so stay tuned!
[...] I mentioned a few days ago, I admitted I was wrong and I can’t do it on my own. Since I admitted that to myself, my life [...]