Gone But Not Forgotten - Life Lessons & Former Friends
December 21, 2007 | In Connecting With Others |
Table of contents for Friends
- Connecting With Friends And Influencing Each Other
- How To Keep Helping When No One Else Wants To
- Gone But Not Forgotten - Life Lessons & Former Friends
- Helping A Friend The Best Way We Can
- Volunteer For Designated Driver
Sometimes people come into our lives then disappear - but what did they teach us while they were here?
Photo by prakhar
There are many reasons why people aren’t in our lives anymore. If you believe in fate, that is one reason. If you believe in a divine influence, as I do, then you may believe there is a purpose for every person who crosses our path. Whether or not there is a greater reason, I do know that I learned something from every person who has entered my life for any length of time. Of the dozens of friends I’ve had over the years that I no longer keep in touch with, three in particular stand out to me. And the three lessons I’ve learned from them weren’t necessarily easy to learn, but they were valuable.
No Matter How Hard You Try, Some Friendships Just Won’t Last
I’ll start with the hardest one first. This loss of this friendship is still painful, and not just because it lasted over 15 years before it ended. Those who know me well will know who I’m speaking of, but because the circumstance surrounding the death of this friendship were such that I don’t even know if I would want to resurrect it, I’ll leave her name out. Let’s call her Aurora, like Disney’s princess Sleeping Beauty.
Although she would call herself this at times, she was more like Tigger to my Pooh. She was the bouncy and energetic one. I’m more laid back and keep to myself (at least in comparison.) There were times through out our friendship when we were inseparable. However, as we got older and got involved in long term relationships, we started to grow apart.
It was no secret that I didn’t like the man she ended up with. For reasons I won’t go into, I knew she would be better off without him. I realized however, that I wasn’t going to change her mind - all I could do was be there for her. But, eventually, not even that was enough.
Aurora was my friend for over 15 years and she was the one who knew secrets about me no one else knew. But in the end, the friendship couldn’t survive. I’ve realized in retrospect that I gave and gave way past the point where I shouldn’t have given any more - both in time and effort. Although I know now that it wasn’t my fault her life turned out the way it did, I can’t help but feel somehow responsible. If only I had…it still wouldn’t have made any difference because no matter how hard you try, some friendships just won’t last. A very painful lesson, but perhaps one that another friend couldn’t really have taught me.
Love Doesn’t Care How Old You Are
I fell in love for the first time in High School with Tony Harrington. I was a sophomore, which means I was 15 years old. I’m sure there are those out there who say that high school love, or love at that age isn’t “true” love. (Which is not the same as “true love”, that is to say, soul mate love.) However, I was truly in love with him.
For the first time, I knew what it meant to care deeply about another person who wasn’t family. Yes, I was attracted to him for his great smile, but I was also attracted to him for his sense of humor and the way he treated me. He was the first guy I was ever interested in who actually cared about me back.
Although we were never romantically involved, Tony remained my friend for a number of years. Unfortunately, he too is no longer in my life, but I would gladly welcome him back. And although I’ve grown up and fallen in love again - in fact I found my soul mate in John - Tony still holds a very special place in my heart for teaching me that the value of love and friendship doesn’t always fit into neat boxes and tidy ideas of age or circumstance.
Every Girl Needs A “Cool” Friend
In college, I was friends with a guy who went by the nickname Ritchie. In the years since, I have tried to remember his last name, but all I can remember is his first two - Perry Richard. I know he lived in Ocean City, Maryland and I would look him up if I could remember his name. But what I learned from Ritchie was worth the time I did know him.
Ritchie was one of those friends every girl needs - the cute, popular guy who can not understand why you don’t have a boyfriend. He was supportive and constantly told me to just go for it, even though my enormous fear held me back so many times.
He didn’t care that I wasn’t the girl with the long blond hair and the legs up to here. He saw something in me that I wasn’t able to see in myself. If he hadn’t already had a girlfriend, I don’t doubt that he would have gone on at least one date with me.
Although he transferred to another school at the end of our sophomore year, and I haven’t seen him since, he did leave an impression on me. And even though my husband can see what Ritchie could also see - that I’m an attractive, fun person, that doesn’t mean that I don’t still miss Ritchie sometimes.
Friends Moved On, But Lessons Left Behind
Although all three of these individuals are no longer part of my life, I’ve learned something very valuable from each of them. And, although I’ve only highlighted the top ways they’ve influenced me, remembering them has brought tears to my eyes and so many more memories than I can recount here. Each of these people was dear to me and I miss them all, (yes, even Aurora).
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[...] December 19, 2007 | In Connecting With Others | Table of contents for FriendsConnecting With Friends And Influencing Each OtherHow To Keep Helping When No One Else Wants ToGone But Not Forgotten - Life Lessons & Former Friends [...]