One of my biggest goals is to become a teacher. In fact, it’s part of my personal mission statement: “My mission is to experience life through…teaching others.” I don’t want to be a run-of-the-mill boring teacher, though. Not like the “substitute teachers” of my school days. But what makes a good teacher?

We all know good teachers when we see them, and bad teachers too. I thought back over the teachers I’d loved and why I loved them. There were only a few, but they all had the following qualities in common.

1. Confidence. Belief in ourselves despite setbacks. Teachers encounter situations all the time that could be considered setbacks. Kids can be cruel, to each other and to teachers. They can have attitudes, especially teenagers. I’ve had teachers to were obviously nervous when they taught. Others were shy and only half committed to their subject. But the best teachers laughed off their mistakes: chalk breaking, books dropped, TVs not working. Where some teachers were flustered, the good teachers shrugged and went on about the lesson, sometimes even joking about the mess up. These teachers knew they were human and knew mistakes happen. They didn’t take things personally and let problems get them upset.

2. Patience. Some of my best teachers could have helped students through a mental breakdown. Not that they had to, but that they were so patient, they could have gone the distance. Many a time I, or classmate, would just not be “getting” a particular concept. My best teachers were those who were willing to keep explaining, knowing that eventually it would make sense. They were willing to wait until a distraction calmed students down, or abandon a lesson entirely if it was clear material needed to be revisited. The best teachers just stuck with it, willing to do what it took, no matter how long it took.

3. True compassion for their students. I’m sure we’ve all encountered a bad teacher who didn’t care what our excuse was. Certainly, some excuses weren’t valid, but many were. The best teachers cared about their students as individuals and wanted to help them. They had a sixth sense when a student needed extra attention and gave it gladly. They didn’t expect students to leave thoughts of the outside world at the door to the classroom. They took the time to discuss subjects outside their teaching, knowing that sometimes lessons can still be taught without following the textbook. Good teachers were willing to speak up for us to other teachers, if need be. They cared about us beyond the walls of their classroom.

A teacher helps her group of students understand their lesson.
Creative Commons License photo credit: woodleywonderworks

4. Understanding. Good teachers had understanding – not only the sixth sense mentioned above, but true understanding of how to teach. They didn’t have a rigid technique that they insisted on using even if it didn’t help us learn. They were flexible in their teaching style, adapting daily if need be. They understood the little things that affected our ability to learn; the weather, the temperature in the classroom, the time of day. They had an understanding of human nature and the maturity (or lack thereof) of teenagers. Good teachers knew that we hated to be called “young” and therefore pre-judged. They treated us as real people, not just “students.”

5. The ability to look at life in a different way and to explain a topic in a different way. There are many different learning styles. Not everyone gets a subject as taught by every teacher. I’ve taken subjects (chemistry for instance) many times, at many different levels, by many different teachers. I took College Organic Chemistry three times from three different teachers. I can tell you from experience that it was more the skill of the third teacher than the third time taking the class that allowed me to pass. Bad teachers only look a subject matter one way. They teach based on how they learn. This works for some people, but fails for others. The good teachers are ones that are able to teach to different learning styles. If students don’t understand a subject, they teach it a different way. Instead of looking at abstract formulas, they explain with images what the formulas represent. This requires a through understand of their subject, as well as the ability to consider that subject in different ways, which not all teachers are able to do. This principle applies whether a teacher or professor teaches Organic Chemistry or business classes online; it comes down to their ability to be flexible.

6. Dedication to excellence. Good teachers want the best from their students and themselves. They don’t settle for poor grades, knowing it reflects upon their ability to teach just as much upon a student’s ability to excel. The best teachers encourage the sharing of ideas and offer incentives (like not having to do homework for a day) to get students to think outside the box. They don’t tolerate students’ badmouthing other teachers, doing their best to point out that other teachers are human too. They encourage students to be good people, not just good memorizers of text. They want students to learn and be able to apply what they learned, not just be able to pass tests.

7. Unwavering support. The best teachers know that everyone is able to do well if they have the right teacher. They don’t accept that a student is a lost cause. They encourage if you are frustrated and provide true belief that you can get the material. They stand up for individuals against other students, not allowing for in class taunting. Sometimes, they even extend this outside the classroom, although taunts in the hallways are very hard for teachers to combat. The best teachers are there if you need extra help and even encourage it.

8. Willingness to help student achieve. The best teachers are those that don’t stop teaching when the bell rings. They hold extra sessions for SAT prep, they reach out to students after class. They know that some need extra attention or assistance, and they don’t act like it’s not their job. They take that job seriously and know they aren’t just employed to get students to be able to do higher math, but do well in life. They realize that achievement isn’t just a good grade on a test, but a feeling of accomplishment with mastering a subject; they are willing to work with a student for that feeling.

A teacher observes her students, waiting to help them if needed.
Creative Commons License photo credit: peruisay

9. Pride in student’s accomplishments. The best teachers let you know they are glad you got a good grade or made the honor’s society. They smile and tell you that you did a good job. They tell other teachers about how you did as well. Outside you may feel embarrassed, but inside you are glowing. The best teachers don’t single out the best students either. They celebrate the accomplishments of everyone, knowing that everyone is capable to doing well. They are upbeat and positive, focusing on how a student did well, not how well they taught. They may know that it was the strength of their teaching that helped a student to achieve, but they act as if the student is completely responsible.

10. Passion for life. The best teachers aren’t just interested in their subject, they are passionate about it. They are also passionate about many other things. They praise good weather and smile when they take a few minutes to discuss last night’s episode of a popular TV show. They have an energy that almost makes them glow and that you want to emulate as much as possible. They approach tasks with a sense of challenge rather than routine. They take the universe’s curve balls and turn them into fun (if possible). They are human, certainly, but they make you feel that there is always a reason to keep going. Things will get better no matter how much they appear to suck at that moment.

As may be clear from the above, the best teacher I ever had was a math teacher. She was all the more exceptional because math is the one subject I hate the most. She told us to call her “Aunt Jackie,” but I had way too much respect to call her anything but “Mrs. Lamp.” She is now a principal of a different High School than she taught at when I was her student, and I suspect she is as good a principal as she was a math teacher.

 

While depression is characterized by a depressed or sad mood, that doesn’t always manifest as feelings. It often comes out in terms of physical complaints. And, even if the mood is there, physical symptoms are present as well. 

There is an antidepressant commercial that says “Depression can hurt…” and it is very true. Whether or not their medication works for the symptoms, or works for everyone, there is no denying that there is definite bodily hurt that goes along with the emotional hurt of depression. These physical depression symptoms are detailed below:

Headaches: These may feel simply like tension headaches, but tension and stress feel worse when depressed. The headaches may persist, or go away to come back frequently. If you have migraines, they may seem much worse.

Stomachaches: It may feel like you have to get yourself to eat because your stomach feels upset. It can also feel like the stomach fluttering you get when nervous, but it doesn’t seem to be linked to a particular incident, and it doesn’t go away easily.

Digestive problems: in addition to the stomachaches, you may have constipation or diarrhea. You may also have nausea or increased heartburn or other indigestion symptoms.

Appetite changes: You may lose your appetite, which goes along with the stomachaches and nausea. Alternatively, you may find your appetite increases, and you crave carbohydrates – sweets or salty and fried food. This is especially common in Seasonal Affective Disorder, one form of depression.

Backaches and other muscular aches: This may be because of the tendency to hunch up when upset. Our postures get stooped a bit, and we don’t sit up in our chairs. This can put undue stress on our backs, shoulders, and neck. This can also happen with prolonged time in front of the computer, but it may feel more severe when depressed.

Overall bodily aches: There may be an overall feeling of achiness, as if you are coming down with the flu. In fact, you may notice your bad mood because of the pain and attribute it to the pain instead of attributing the pain to the bad mood.

Other chronic pain.

Sleeping problems: Insomnia is common with depression. Trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep goes with the insomnia. On the flip side, you may find you want to sleep all the time. You may sleep more than 10 hours a day and still not feel completely rested.

Loss of energy: You may feel tired all the time, whether or not your sleep is affected. You may notice a feeling of being slowed down, and that it takes extra effort to do things that you once found easy.

Sexual problems: Lack or arousal, or inability to orgasm can be signs of depression. These are also common side effects of antidepressants.

Restlessness: You may feel agitated like you need to move around or can’t sit still.

Dizziness or lightheadedness.

Sometimes chest pain can also be part of depression, or at least made worse when you have depression.

Behavioral Symptoms

These aren’t strictly physical, but they aren’t purely emotional either. They are also symptoms that can be recognized by others and prompt them to ask if you are ok.

Reckless behavior: driving too fast, making poor money decisions.

Escapist behavior: spending more time, which can be perceived by others as too much, at work, on sports, or absorbed in a hobby, while pushing others away.

Infidelity or promiscuity: This may be especially true in men.

Uncharacteristic displays of anger or aggressiveness.

Substance abuse, including alcohol, recreational drugs, or even prescription medications.

Difficulty concentrating and getting work done.

Relationship problems or trouble in school for teens and children.

There are many other diseases that cause these symptoms. Some of those diseases, such as diabetes and chronic fatigue syndrome happen along with depression. It can be difficult to tease them apart at times. Also, chronic and/or severe health problems can not only cause physical symptoms, they can cause depression.

Only a doctor can listen and do tests to figure out where you symptoms come from. They will work to eliminate any other diseases that could be causing these symptoms. They will also be able to tell if you are suffering from more than one at the same time.

The diagnosis is just the first step. However, it is important because it steers treatment. And, there is treatment for depression, in many forms. The above symptoms, as well as the emotional symptoms of depression are serious and shouldn’t be dismissed. Help is available, seek it out if you need it.

If you have any questions, please leave me a comment below.

 

The symptoms of depression are similar in men, women, children, and teens. In fact, the DSM IV, the official psychiatric book on the subject, only makes the following notes about depression in teens as being different from depression in adults:

  1. The essential feature of a Major Depressive Episode is a period of at least 2 weeks during which there is either depressed mood or the loss of interest or pleasure in nearly all activities. In children and adolescents, the mood may be irritable rather than sad.
  2. There may be marital problems (e.g., divorce), occupational problems (e.g., loss of job), academic problems (e.g., truancy, school failure)…
  3. The core symptoms of a Major Depressive Episode are the same for children and adolescents, although there are data that suggest that the prominence of characteristic symptoms may change with age.
  4. In children and adolescents, an irritable or cranky mood may develop rather than a sad or dejected mood. This presentation should be differentiated from a “spoiled child” pattern of irritability when frustrated.
  5. In adolescents, Major Depressive Episodes are frequently associated with Disruptive Behavior Disorders, Attention-Deficit Disorders, Anxiety Disorders, Substance-Related Disorders, and Eating Disorders.

So, where does that leave us? Not really much help in determining if a teen is depressed or simply going through the normal adjustments of growing up.

To parents: The best way to tell is to know your teen. Know who their friends are, know the symptoms of depression, and look for those symptoms in your teen. Not easy, I know, because teens can be pretty closed about their feelings.

However, take special note on: academic problems (e.g., truancy, school failure)…

Looking back at my teens, I know that I had a major depressive episode at the end of high school into my first semester of college.

I was an overachiever: almost 400 hours of volunteer work, tons of Girl Scout Badges, the two highest awards in Girl Scouts, Honor Society, class government, got into the college of my choice on early admission, honor roll every quarter…

…until I didn’t. Until I failed Physics one quarter. And didn’t do so well in Calculus either.

Now, let me stop and say that I don’t blame my parents at all for not noticing this and thinking only that my grades were an anomaly. Because, from their perspective, it was. They didn’t know the turmoil that was going on underneath.

Which is why the next part is for teens: If you find yourself feeling like everyone is smarter than you, people are picking on you, that all the achievements you’ve done don’t mean a thing – reach out for help. I’m not going to tell you to go to your guidance counselor, although you can. I remember that was dorky and no one went, even though that’s what they are there for.

Your friends may not be the best help either. They don’t know techniques to really help depression. And, if your experience was like mine, those friends can have a way of sticking up for you one minute, then cutting you down the next minute.

Your parents can help. But, that depends on how comfortable you feel with them.

A favorite teacher may be able to help. Tell them you’ve been feeling down lately and you’re not sure your parents would understand. Ask them if they have any suggestions.

If you are close to a religious leader, or the leader of a club or organization (such as the Girl or Boy Scouts), talk to them.

Don’t suffer alone.

To parents and teens: here’s a bit more of my story.

When crap happened at school, I kept it to myself. I didn’t talk to my parents about it. I remember many a night listening to sad songs and crying.

I wrote things like the following in my journal:

  • “The wonderful feeling I had of being included and wanted is turning to a horrible one of dread.”
  • “We then went on to Algebra where we took a test that I will be happy to get a C on. 70% will make me happy.”
  • “I went for a walk after dark and I feel so empty.”
  • “Why is my life the way it is? Is it me or others around me?…I need to talk to someone, but I don’t know who.”
  • “I hardly have the will to put pen to paper, but I know I must…I hurt so much.”

Looking back, I see these as clear signs of the depression I now know I had. Although, I didn’t recognize it as depression until years later when, as an adult, I sought treatment for another major depressive episode.

Fortunately, I didn’t contemplate suicide, but unfortunately, many teens do. And often, parents and others don’t even realize the teen was depressed until they have ended their lives.

Checklist of things to look for as possible signs of depression in teens

  1. A down mood. This may present as irritability not sadness. This could be passing, but if it persists for 2 weeks or more, it’s a cause for concern.
  2. Changes in the usual behavior. This may not be just an irritability mood, but could also include lack of interest in things, or sudden problems in school. 
  3. Withdraw from some people. They may still maintain a core group of friends, but not seem as outgoing as they used to.
  4. Increased complaints of physical complaints such as aches and pains, headaches, or stomachaches. These could have other medical causes, but could also be a sign of depression.
  5. Sensitivity to criticism. No one likes to be criticized, but depression makes you much more sensitive to these things. It can also make you feel like everyone is ganging up on you. Therefore, a teen that appears to get mad at a gentle joke or other comment that wouldn’t have upset them in the past may be hypersensitive due to depression.
  6. Increased negative comments and criticism of others. True, puberty and “growing up” involve a period of differentiating yourself from others. However, if this behavior continues, with the teen putting down others regularly, calling them names, or refusing to hang around them when they did before, this could be a sign of depression. The could also manifest in the teen calling themselves names. Perhaps mentioning that they are stupid, or scoffing at once enjoyed activities.

The important thing to remember when it comes to recognizing teen depression is that these symptoms persist for more than two weeks. It may seem like a “phase” the teen is going through, but it very well may not be. Teens may also feel like it’s something they just have to endure, but it’s not.

Children and teens respect their parents, even if they don’t show it. If you think that something is amiss with your teen, let them know that you are there to help. Or, they don’t feel like talking with you, ask them if they would like an appointment with a doctor. Emphasize the physical problems over the emotional ones.

Teens don’t want to let their parents in on their emotional life because they think they won’t understand. But, they may respond to an opportunity to see a doctor for the physical symptoms.

You can make a note to the nurse when the appointment is made that you suspect depression, but your teen isn’t talking about it with you.

Then, stay in the waiting room. Do not go into the examining room with your teen. They didn’t want to talk to you before, they won’t suddenly open up to the doctor if you are in the room. Respect that they are no longer your “little” boy or girl and give them the room to speak with the doctor confidentially.

If your teen isn’t willing to talk about the discussion with the doctor, you do have the right to ask the doctor if there is anything that you need to do to help your teen. Depending on where you live, the law may say that parents have the right to know exactly what was said, but don’t violate your teen’s trust.

And don’t put the doctor in the position of violating that trust either. What’s important is that you support your teen, not that you know every minute detail.

If you have suffered from depression as an adult, and that is quite possible since teens are more likely to get depression of they have family members who have suffered, then you know how horrible it can be. Try to imagine suffering from depression while also trying to get along in school, fit in with a bunch of people, and please your parents all at the same time. That is what depression during your teens feels like. And, if you suffered from depression in school yourself, then you know how difficult it is.

No one needs to suffer from depression. It is treatable and life is so much better without that dark cloud hanging over you. Look for the symptoms of depression in your teen, or teens you interact with regularly and help them get relief.

If you have any questions or comments, please leave me a comment below.

 
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